The Fear Of Others Finding Out

[In the weeds]

To speak them, or write them, that's feeding and strengthening an entity that I don't want released. The thought terrifies me.

I relate to this so much. I'm sorry.

 

[FFnerd]

I loved reading these responses - made me think a little.
I don't hide my trauma out of an effort to keep it hidden from others, but subconscious or not, I distract myself into never thinking about it. Not in detail anyway. I haven't really forgotten it, but it's kept in random unfrequented corners of my mind. So, out of sight out of mind - until i accidentally stumble onto something and it all comes back. If there are other people around, I'm usually not in a great headspace to even talk about it out loud with myself, much less anyone else lol.
Other times it just doesn't seem to be appropriate to share unprompted with the class, and talking about it will bring the mood down in my mind, so I keep it to myself.

I do have a good measure of IDGAF in my day to day with strangers/coworkers, if they find out I certainly don't care. My closest friends have a vague idea of my past - but I haven't actually sat down and shared many specifics because it feels like a lot to put on them now. I also get a tinge of worry about someone using it against me if they knew specifics about what follows me around the most now.