White0nWhite
Bronze Member
Transitioned Female to Male, finally. Well only on hormones for now, I haven't gotten surgery or anything yet (maybe, someday). But that was a major scary thing for me. Coming out to my father, going through the therapy, doing it all head on. That happened. And I still blink back and look at my old posts on here (I used to go by the handle StarHawk - I changed it due to a favorite Counting Crows lyric).
But I did it. I could have lost everything, but I did it. I pass well in public now and everything seems to be going smoothly, I've been on hormones for 7 years come August. My mom never let me be the boy I was supposed to be, and I did it all on my own. For the sake of privacy I don't wanna give out my new male name. But it's one reason why I changed my user name :P and a icon to Murdoc with the trans-pride colors :).
Mom and I have made amends. We know well enough that we can't be around one another too much with out setting the other off. But we've made peace. And I've made peace with what she did to me. I think, I don't know. Learning that she just wasn't ready to be a mom when she had me. And I view her as a older sister now more than a mother... But it's cool now that I have a sister, even if there are painful memories tied to it. I let it go. I forgave her not because she deserves it, but because I deserve not to be afraid of her or people like how she used to be.
I moved out in 2013. Wasn't really my... choice. per say. Ahem. But I was shipped off to a small apartment in Florida, 1000 miles away from everything I knew, and also 1000 miles away from everything that hurt me before. For the most part. (family had plans on selling the house in Maryland, and starting over down there, it didn't work out, and they moved back to Maryland, I of course followed because I hated Florida lol). But I lived in Florida, alone, on my own, For 4 years. My family didn't manage to sell their house until 2016. So for the greater part of that time span, I was on my own. And I did it. I don't know how I did it (well I do. But I'll get into that later) but I managed to survive on my own and do it regardless of how hard it was fighting my mental health every step of the way.
Now I'm back in my home state. I'm still where I used to work (I transferred stores all around)- have been there all along. And I kind of got a promotion when I transferred back to Maryland. I currently am like a supervisor (temp I will probably go back to being an associate after the summer is over) for the Garden Recover Team- which if you can imagine what a Home Improvement Store looks like after a warm day in the spring- :P I run around on machines all night replenishing the mulch, dirt, pavers, stones and stuff while managing a few teenagers around. It's a big responsibility but I have *some how* two weeks in, not messed up keeping my fingers crossed I can do this and get good marks on my reviews.
I sadly haven't really written much of my book as I would have liked. But I think all these years had to have happened, and other stuff that happened which I'll post in another thread, and living ALONE and Florida had to happen for me to get the ideas of my characters fleshed out.
I have also made peace with someone I once knew in my teenage years, and we're recovering together with our C-PTSD and DID (that happened- but more on that later).
But I did it. I could have lost everything, but I did it. I pass well in public now and everything seems to be going smoothly, I've been on hormones for 7 years come August. My mom never let me be the boy I was supposed to be, and I did it all on my own. For the sake of privacy I don't wanna give out my new male name. But it's one reason why I changed my user name :P and a icon to Murdoc with the trans-pride colors :).
Mom and I have made amends. We know well enough that we can't be around one another too much with out setting the other off. But we've made peace. And I've made peace with what she did to me. I think, I don't know. Learning that she just wasn't ready to be a mom when she had me. And I view her as a older sister now more than a mother... But it's cool now that I have a sister, even if there are painful memories tied to it. I let it go. I forgave her not because she deserves it, but because I deserve not to be afraid of her or people like how she used to be.
I moved out in 2013. Wasn't really my... choice. per say. Ahem. But I was shipped off to a small apartment in Florida, 1000 miles away from everything I knew, and also 1000 miles away from everything that hurt me before. For the most part. (family had plans on selling the house in Maryland, and starting over down there, it didn't work out, and they moved back to Maryland, I of course followed because I hated Florida lol). But I lived in Florida, alone, on my own, For 4 years. My family didn't manage to sell their house until 2016. So for the greater part of that time span, I was on my own. And I did it. I don't know how I did it (well I do. But I'll get into that later) but I managed to survive on my own and do it regardless of how hard it was fighting my mental health every step of the way.
Now I'm back in my home state. I'm still where I used to work (I transferred stores all around)- have been there all along. And I kind of got a promotion when I transferred back to Maryland. I currently am like a supervisor (temp I will probably go back to being an associate after the summer is over) for the Garden Recover Team- which if you can imagine what a Home Improvement Store looks like after a warm day in the spring- :P I run around on machines all night replenishing the mulch, dirt, pavers, stones and stuff while managing a few teenagers around. It's a big responsibility but I have *some how* two weeks in, not messed up keeping my fingers crossed I can do this and get good marks on my reviews.
I sadly haven't really written much of my book as I would have liked. But I think all these years had to have happened, and other stuff that happened which I'll post in another thread, and living ALONE and Florida had to happen for me to get the ideas of my characters fleshed out.
I have also made peace with someone I once knew in my teenage years, and we're recovering together with our C-PTSD and DID (that happened- but more on that later).
