Thanks
@ninja,
@Freida ... Very reassuring...I've had both my girls over, last night and this morning ... We are strong and good...as well as sad over what is happening to some of the guys in our family. I have been teaching them about healthy boundaries and self care...
My oldest daughter is, especially, moving from strength to strength with this, as she has, and is doing, a tremendous amount of work on herself... She is doing all the right things and it's paying off.
She has been going down to her dad's and trying to help, but, is getting very discouraged and drained, so learning to put in better and better boundaries with dad and her brothers.
She is seeing things clearer and clearer, where her dad's behaviour and attitudes and ploys, are concerned and disengaging. Such a compassionate girl/woman.
When I left their dad, he roped her in, to be the fill-in mum, after I had actually gotten her out of there (prior to me leaving), he pulled her in by her heart and proceeded to drain her dry, into being the subordinate mum figure, keeping her subdued, with his drugging regime, until she ended up getting caught and charged, driving under the influence, and so she stopped and when she stopped, she got clear and when she got clear, his manipulative ploys stopped working on her, and I was able to, with the help of my guy, help her break free and establish her own, independant life.
You should see her now!!!!
Started a business, has a business partner/fellow skilled seamstress/ designer, they have a professional set up work space, has a T, a good dr, a good chinese doc/accupuncturist, has affordable housing, went across the world and back, a week, or so, ago, has lovely friends, doesn't drink, smoke, do any party drugs, eats super healthy, no sugar, no bad fats, etc. Yeah, and she isn't afraid to be feminine, a strong, assertive feminine person who loves men, isn't a ball breaking feminist, like is too common in this culture.
Yes, misotestic behaviour is exceedingly common here. I think my son's are very, adversely affected by it, and my ex, is probably the dickish person that he is because men are chronically shamed, in this excessively lefty culture we find ourselves in.
He's excessively defensive and gets very petulant, hostile, and snarky when questioned or challenged, which is his choice, but when our children's lives and health are seriously threatened and directly and adversely impacted by his drug-pushing, cultish, extremely negative and corrosive gaslighting behaviour, shit gets really, really, shit.
Narcissism is created, early, and perpetuated by unexamined and chronic low self esteem, a refusal to self examine or be accountable.
My daughter got a serve this morning, when he tried to rope her in with his poor meing over having to be the responsible adult that he's required to be, because my son is so unwell (my ex wants power over our children, at any cost). I told her to say, "Why don't you get mum's help? Or some such appropriate suggestion, as she has enough on her plate, and he doesn't listen, won't do anything that doesn't serve his "agenda" "platform" anyway, f*cking selfish prick, yeah I'm angry, I've been through this too many times, I'm the other parent, and if he'd given me respect, like ever, if he had shared the power, at any point, instead of running things his sick, selfish, drug addict, cult leaderish way, with no humilty, no, "I have a problem" kid's don't be like me" instead it's "be like me, I'm awesome and everyone else is wrong and/or evil" and ALL my son's have suffered from psychosis and deep depression and suicidal ideation.
My second born, he dumped him on me, literally dropped him off, fully psychotic, when I wasn't even home, the first time, he couldnt cope, after gaslighting the absolute crap out of my autistic kid, he dumps and runs. Didn't even bother to let me know. My son was in a neighbor's house, when I finally got home, luckily for me.
The second time, he just chucked him out, on the street. Luckily, the son who is sick now, my oldest, brought him up to me.
He is still on anti-psychotics (my second born), but he has a good life, is looked after, is safe, has a home, is secure, has a full, active, growthful, moving-forward life (yeah, I got him all that).
If he had EVER treated me like an equal, as the other parent, I swear, this shit would NEVER have happened. But, is does, it KEEPS HAPPENING.
Now, all my kid's are allies, are with me, draw on me, will help me help my son, or at least, come to me, to get support over having a big brother, their biggest, oldest brother, who is really mentally unwell. They will learn better boundaries, learn the "carer essentials" self care, delegating, developing approps knowledge, build resiliance and resources.
Maybe I will get my son in my care. It will be full on, but I'm GOOD at this stuff. I KNOW my stuff when It comes to getting kid's mentally more well and resiliant. I know this territory. I wish I didn't, but I know it, too well.
