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- #277
mumstheword
MyPTSD Pro
Feeling miserable. Horrible sense of inadequacy, grief of loss of my past functionality, self loathing due to my current lack of functionality and weight issue, constant self disgust. I just want to go to hospital already! I think I'll draw another picture to cheer myself up.
I did have a moment without self disgust last week. It made me so conscious that I always have that. Have since as long as I can remember, maybe it only started when I was 9 or 10 though. Was in a set-up to have sex by a kids mum at 9. It felt wrong. I never told anybody. It was her son who penetrated me, at 9. He also made me get under the couch and sat on me. Prior to that I got stripped of my underpants at after-school care. One kid did it while I fought hard and lost the fight to keep my undies on. All the other kids stood around and cheered him on. Utterly humiliating. I never told anyone. That was a pattern, not telling.
I did have a moment without self disgust last week. It made me so conscious that I always have that. Have since as long as I can remember, maybe it only started when I was 9 or 10 though. Was in a set-up to have sex by a kids mum at 9. It felt wrong. I never told anybody. It was her son who penetrated me, at 9. He also made me get under the couch and sat on me. Prior to that I got stripped of my underpants at after-school care. One kid did it while I fought hard and lost the fight to keep my undies on. All the other kids stood around and cheered him on. Utterly humiliating. I never told anyone. That was a pattern, not telling.