The journey begins ... or continues ... articulating the rollercoaster that is my life

[ninja]

So glad to hear it is turning out to be what you need. Hope you got a really good sleep. Love to you. You are awesome. :hug:

 

[mumstheword]

So glad to hear it is turning out to be what you need. Hope you got a really good sleep. Love to you....

You are awesome!
Thank you @NinjaWolf. Loveheart, loveheart, loveheart.

Slept well at last! Now groggy, back to hypo, swollen sore tonsils. Lots has been happening. A couple of people are being discharged this weekend and they really don't feel ready. One of them was in such visible distress I went into my rescuey/peer support worker mode and spent A lot of time to address her needs. Managed to help her shift from a very scary/SI place to making a proactive plan.

I realize other people's misery puts me into a frightened place. I am that small child wanting to make my parents happy and then maybe if I can do that they might focus on me and help me feel safe and loved. Then thinking "how can I make them happy? I don't know how! They never taught me!"This was at about 5 years old. I felt like such a failure, but a set-up to fail failure. I guess I am a bit outraged at the set up. In fact, my mother would actively sabotage any well-being I managed to glean from life, so I learnt to hide any childlike wonder and joy.
Way to set up a child for despondency, s/h, frozen collapse habits, Dissociation, depression, ED, zero self-esteem etc.

This week we looked at HATE, yes the topic of the week was hate, what it is, self hate and how to deal with it, constructive ways of viewing it and that kind of thing. I will upload my "expressive art piece" shortly.

I am teary, fragile, heavy hearted, demoralized at the moment. Also grateful, for all you beautiful tender wounded souls in recovery, like me, at your courage, care, integrity, honesty, kindness, thoughtfulness, yeah, just for all of you, for being you. I truly feel love in my heart for all of you, and sooooo much gratitude!:hug::joyful::):p:stop:

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

(((@mumstheword )))
I am SOOOO excited for you! Getting into a program that's going to bring healing is a REALLY big deal! I think it's going to have a GREAT healiing effect on you. I know you are working hard. You forge forward when you have a goal in front of you. I admire that greatly!:hug:

Keep up the GOOD work! I am thankful that you are sharing your journey with us. :hug:

Love and Prayers :hug:
AKJ

 

[Sideways]

Congrats for making it through your first week - I know there’s been a lot of awful emotions. Remember that what you’re doing is courageous, and each time you get to let out toxic emotions, you get closer to healing:)

 

[mumstheword]

This was my "expressive therapy" art piece on the topic of the week.

 

[Freida]

I am so happy it is working for you! You deserve this!

 

[NatBird]

So, update with my new T. So so comforting. She is someone I am finding it easy to build trust with...

I am so pleased for you. So pleased that you are working with someone who is comforting and you feel you can trust, this is so important. I'm glad you are being so supported (seen and unseen) I admire the way you are engaging with the process. Sending an affirming and appreciative hug.

 

[mumstheword]

Got the want to-run-feeling but I'm sticking it out.

 

[mumstheword]

Good (drugged) sleep. The fact that I am resorting to high doses of sedatives is freaking me out a bit. The hospital-y-ness is triggery and I knew it was something I was coming here to confront and to retrain my brain to not fear (so much).
The fear is being felt and I'm doing it anyway.

 

[Freida]

The fear is being felt and I'm doing it anyway.

So proud of you!!!

 

[NatBird]

This was my "expressive therapy" art piece on the topic of the week.View attachment 52830[/QU...

I love that you are so creative with this. You have such a gift and a light shining. Much appreciation to you sistar :)

 

[Sideways]

Checking in because it’s probably been an incredibly hard week for you, and I just want to say that we’re still here, cheering you on and handing out hugs:)