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The journey begins ... or continues ... articulating the rollercoaster that is my life

Neuroscience is actually a great career for those with atypical wiring - particularly the tech side, because standards have to be exact, and you have to have enough professional detachment to get the job done.

Neurologists also always want good techs, it pays well and it's a steady job, you can work in a hospital or in private practice. If he's keen for more resources about a particular thing I can recommend some or ask my dad to :)
 
Neuroscience is actually a great career for those with atypical wiring - particularly the tech side, because standards have to be exact, and you have to have enough professional detachment to get the job done.

Neurologists also always want good techs, it pays well and it's a steady job, you can work in a hospital or in private practice. If he's keen for more resources about a particular thing I can recommend some or ask my dad to :)
That's so lovely of you to offer Swifty! He's only twelve so I'm not sure what he's ready for yet.
Keen to learn more though. I don't want to overwhelm him with info, but I'm certainly interested in any that I can use to support him. He's still a kid and happy to be a kid and I'm happy to allow him space to enjoy his childhood for as long as ...
So yeah, plenty of time, and I'm not sure if this is a whim or something he'll pursue yet.
 
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I feel like I villianize my ex. I do. I hate myself for that. I feel like it's me who's in the wrong. I was really diplomatic about him today though, and I got to be honest about stuff about him as well. My daughter was helped, because I gave her useful info that's compassionate and informed. I want to help them deal with the way he is. I never want to encourage any way of thinking about things that isn't helpful, but I probably do, anyway.

She's had an abusive relationship. That's when she started opening up to me and treating me respectfully, when her relationship failed, I think she really understood what I had been through.
 
I was a terrified child-woman, a sixteen year old. It was this choice for me; get raped and murdered, or go with A, who didn't care about me, didn't even bother to learn my name for the first three months that he was screwing me, but he let me sing in his band. That was my choice, so it wasn't really a choice, was it? I should, maybe, forgive myself, for that. That was really, honestly, the choice I believed was the only two choices I had.
 
Thank you @AnD , @Juso and @Swift!
I had a good day, after my crap night. Feeling really good tonight, although accompanying my brother to see my new and family doctor was enervating and exhausting. My brother has an opiate dependency but is in denial about it and basically on the hustle, and both my doctor and I didn't really buy his story or play into his hands, in that regard. Although we were both kind and compassionate and caring and practised good and solid boundaries with him, but still met him halfway. He ended up really grateful towards me, for the support which was lovely, because he's really in a wound up state and wanted what he wanted. I am very real, and still loving towards him. I hope he doesn't end up going down the road he used to be on, it's sad, He's had a lot of trauma but really just wants opiates and is in denial about heaps of stuff. But he also wants people to really care and support him. He's got a long hard road to recovery and quality of life or a shorter, numb-er addict life and I honestly don't know what he's going to end up choosing, maybe a bit of both.
 
So I've had this book Heal Your PTSD for a couple of years and I've had such resistance to the things Michelle Rosenthal, the author, suggests.
Recently I've started to feel more open to trying her approach.
So I'm going to try the first exercise. It is answering the question; What have you lost due to trauma?
I think I lost any sense of security, from a young age.
The ability to trust anyone, until my now relationship, which started at 37.
But at the same time I lost my relationship with most of my children.
I lost the ability to earn a living, despite being highly intelligent and the daughter of professionals.
I lost any chance of owning my own home.
I lost my body of musical work.
I lost my musical career.
I lost my mind, for a time.
I lost my family.
I lost the opportunity to know what it's like to experience community.
I lost the chance to have financial security.
I lost my rappin' freestyling flow
I lost my confidence
I lost my mum, my siblings, my grandparents, my uncle's, my cousins, my nieces, my nephews, my stepdad.
My fans.
My fitness, my figure, my childhood, my youth, my 20's, my 30's.
My band(s).
My recorded originals.
Most of the friends I've ever had.
My notoriety, my reputation, respect from my peers, my kids, my community members.
My opportunity to learn how to use commonly utilized technologies, i.e. cars, tools of my trade,
My capacity to learn and absorb vast quantities of information.
 

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