The journey begins ... or continues ... articulating the rollercoaster that is my life

[Freida]

God, how many times am I going to burst in to tears, today?
I feel sooooooooo humilated that I can't just waltz down to my exs and take charge of this my lying-on-the-floor-in-fetal-position-and-whimpering situation, of my son.
I can't just GO AND COMFORT MY OWN CHILD!!!!!
What the f*ck is wrong with me????!!!!!
I am a complete effing useless cowardly cruel awful mother because the idea of having to be in "that man"s house, puts me in a COMPLETE TAILSPIN.
My daughter talked to me in a way that triggered so much pain and humiliation, about her dad.
But then it came out that she is just too stressed, to unwell, to overwhelmed, too brain foggy and too depleted to deal with being in the middle of all this, AND I FEEL SO GUILTY THAT I PUT HER IN THAT POSITION!
Anyway, my guy just got up me about being a total mess about this and "focusing" and "dwelling" so, I'm out.

ya -- glad you snapped out of this ^^ before I had to break out my feather duster.

here's what I want you to post on stickie notes all over your house --

You don't have to go to your children
Because
Your children are coming to you.

YOU are their safe space.
Yes, their home life sucks
But YOU are their safe space, their escape, their place to go when they need to feel loved.

So you must be doing something right. Just sayin :hug:

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

(((Mums)))
Sending LOVE, HUGS, PEACE AND LIGHT TO YOU AND YOURS????

 

[Sideways]

In a whole mess of crappy things, your son is out of his psychosis. Which is a long way from being where you wish for him, but it's definitely good for him. I hope he stays stable.

Now is time to look after yourself. This stuff is incredibly stressful. Time for self care. You have a great bunch of kids that are around you - sometimes change happens slower than we want. But it does happen. Keep believing in that, and take care of you in the meantime.

 

[mumstheword]

So, now, woke up to dawty on the ph. 24 yr old has been assaulted, as has youngest daughter's bf.

They were in Byron, for a mate's party weekend.

Son has a broken, fractured jaw and two missing teeth. He got king hit.

They were defending my youngest daughter from dickhead, other male, attention.

I want to get back to self care @Sideways, I do, but today doesn't seem conducive.

I do appreciate the feather duster @Freida :) I'm pretty sure between you and my guy I've been well hit by some kind of feather duster. I needed it though, I will admit to that. It's true. My boys are drawing on me, 4 at least, and my oldest daughter is out on her own now, but I get to see heaps of her. We are driving over to Byron, her and I, to pick son up. ...sigh.....Talk about a hectic Friday the 13th.


All the love you give @AngelkeeperJ is being taken on board and well used. Thank you. We need it. Lots of love backatcha. :):hug:

 

[mumstheword]

My youngest daughter sprained her ankle, last night.
Her bf has a punctured lung and a broken rib He got kneed in the ribs from behind when he went to help my son, who hasn't lost his teeth, they are just loose, but he has a broken jaw and had to go to another hospital up the coast, for surgery.

These hooligans were harrassing my daughter and my son went to defend her and yeah, both of them ended up in hospital, for the privilege.

We were driving home with them and dawty's bf started vomiting blood and having trouble breathing.
They had xrayed him the night before and missed all the damage. We were going to take him to Nimbin hospital, it's a tiny one, near were I live. But he was in such a bad way, my big daughter turned around and we high tailed it, in emergency flight mode, and we are still in the hospital. My other son has been taken up the coast fir surgery.
I am here, with my youngest daughter and her bf, she has crutches and a bandaged ankle now and they are monitoring my dawty's beau.
He is still in a lot of pain, but has had some morphine.

I am ok. My daughter and her bf are going to come up and stay at mine.
Even my 24 yr old said he might come and stay. We will have to boot my 21 yr old and his bf out. They will have to go back to the dad's. I have 3 injured people to look after now.
Oh, and my youngest daughter doesn't think my oldest son is really doing better, he just has the odd day where he isn't as bad.
His dad is unravelling, after my oldest daughter disagreed with him last night. He is being a bitch to her.

Happy Christmas, people.

 

[mumstheword]

I might have to get a lift home with my ex.
I REALLY hope not.
If I do though, he will probably bring my oldest son with him, because "he can't leave him at home".
Joy.

 

[Freida]

Oh mums I'm so sorry. That is just an awful situation :hug:

 

[mumstheword]

Oh mums I'm so sorry. That is just an awful situation :hug:

Thanks @Freida :)
I'm finally home.
Dawty stayed in hospital with her boy.
We go back early tomorrow.

Other son is miles away, up in queensland, awaiting an operation.
He is getting titanium put in his face and having his jaw wired up for six weeks.
Liquid diet at mum's place for six weeks.

Tomorrow we ring the police to report the crimes.

I'm glad I was there for my girl and her boy. It was a tough day.
She can't walk and he can't breath or move without agony and throwing up.

My other son can't eat. I didn't get to go up with him. My oldest daughter took him up to Southport hospital.


I've been there before, when my youngest was a baby. He had a contorted teste, had to have it removed, there, when he was 8 months old. They were very good. We actually have a pretty great health system for lots of things.

I also have a plan for oldest son, in place. 21 yr old son and his boy have to go back to Dad's as I don't have the space. They will monitor oldest son for me, if he gets bad again, as in psychotic or terror, they have strict orders to let me know and I will be calling Mental Health. They will get an ambulance and police around to take my boy to the clinic.

I have a lot of parenting and caring to do. I was very together today. The hospital staff were, also, very lovely and competent and good. So grateful to them.

 

[mumstheword]

It's hitting me.
intergenerational trauma
AND "post traumatic growth"
Both.
I'm way too tired to explain what I'm talking about.
I will, or might, elaborate some other time.
My kid's are all somewhat traumatized and yet, because, I have "post traumatic growth" I am able to respond.
Anyway, I said I wasn't going to elaborate right now.
So, I'll leave it at that, for now.

 

[ninja]

:hug: :hug: you are one strong and incredible human being.

 

[mumstheword]

:hug::hug: you are one strong and incredible human being.

Takes one to know one @ninja :hug:

 

[mumstheword]

Body stress overwhelm, but life is a bit of a lull right now.
The boys left to make room for our injured.
We took my youngest daughter and her boy back home. It's back to the hospital for an Xray tomorrow.
They are back at Dad's for the moment. See how that goes.
My 24yr old is in a world of pain, hunger, loneliness, impatience, substance withdrawal and self pity at the moment. I've had two ph convos with him.
He rang up dad's and his not-well oldest brother answered the phone. It didn't go well.
Dad was taking him (oldest) to see a psychiatrist today. Apparently, will go along with what the pdoc recommends re admission or not.
Oldest dawty made up with him. Thinks he is worth giving the benefit of the doubt too. I'm not so sure, but will back off for the moment re my intervention plans and see what transpires.

My body is so stress/adrenaline flooded right now. I'm relegated to my freeze response again.
Haven't eaten again.
I'm glad I have a little respite from it all, for the moment.
I'm not doing too great, but nobody knows that. I'm putting up a "good" front.