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The journey begins ... or continues ... articulating the rollercoaster that is my life

Ok this kind of made me tearyish... The idea that everything you have lived thru - both when you were with him and AFTER you escaped -- has all lead to this point. To be the person who helps your kids recover and find themselves. Wow.


So in other words you were doing exactly what a mom does!

It does kind of make me giggle -- I mean. Wow. Just. Wow. but I guess its probably the best way in the world to get your kids back -- to be there for them when everything goes to hell.

I can't remember - is this son autistic? Are there any social services that could get involved to help if he is unable to really care for himself but he is living in an unsafe situation?

Here's your feather dustser of the day -- good job doing yoga but you need to make sure you take time EVERY day for yourself. I know, I'm not sure where you would put it in either :laugh: But it's important for your kids as much as for you -- so they can see that it's ok to take time for themselves even when everything around them is falling apart

ETA
looks like we cross posted on the social service stuff for kiddo #1 *)
I haven't actually done the yoga yet. But I did just eat something (finally, at 4.40 in the arvo). Youngest sonny slashed-by-a -door sonny, or as his friend's said, on a "group chat", had-a-knife-fight-with-a-glass-door sonny turned up, is home from the, somewhat, architecturally violent sleep over, and I got distracted.
 
Sooooo smokey tonight. Our fire is said to have "crossed a road". The rural fire service website doesn't say there is any cause for concern but, it's sooo smokey.
 
I am kinda numb. All kindsa tired. I have lip herpes and a bad tooth.
I wish I got to hug my oldest today.
I'm angry the douchebag dad is such a douche and deprived our son of my presence in hospital today, after he tried to take his own life.
He said "The voices told me to, but I did try to save myself" yeah and he also tried to jump out of a moving car.

My eX just keeps stopping to new lows. I don't want my mentally fragile son to move back in with that toxic muthaf*cka.

I try to "forgive" the predatory, ephebophilic sperm donor, because, well, he gave me my beautiful offspring, but he keeps on being SUCH A DICK.
So yeah, burning anger and deep sadness and some relief. He's out of his clutches.
 
Just took youngest sonno to get his stitched arm, hand and forehead cleaned and redressed.
Nurse was really lovely.
Got oldest some clothes, from what you 'merican's call a "thrift shop", I'm told (oldest dawty who went to nyc, recently, reported back).
I have to ask my guy to take me in to the adult mental health unit he's in. I tried to talk to him this morning, something went wrong, both times, not sure what happened, all I got was a "hello" . He doesn't sound awesome, but, then, who does, when they are admitted to an acute mental health ward???

On top of everything, my guy has done his back in, he's in chronic pain, too, and, I don't really want to ask anything of him, but I want to see my boy. I really want to see my boy.
,
 
Side effects of anti-psychotics for schizophrenia I think all come with a heavy sedative effect, which will be amplified if his dose has been increased, or changed. He's likely also on something like valium to help bring his distress levels down.

All stuff you'll already know. Just, when you walk in and the horror of what is our public mental health wards hits you, and looking into his eyes you may see a bit of a vacant stare right now.

Doesn't mean he isn't glad you're there. It's so important to know that someone gives a damn when you're in a space like he is right now. But if he's safe, and stabilising, and maybe even up for a hug from mum? Then that's awesome. Not permanent, just the only way to get him safe and stable in our current public health system.

Ask the nurses if there's any mental health organisations in the area that they'd particularly recommend for someone in your son's situation. There does tend to be some services that are better oriented to assisting with issues like what's on his plate - likely to be different to the ones you and I would access.

Essentially just trying to find something helpful to say, so you know we're in your corner.

All the public hospitals I've been in had a laundry and clothes left by other patients that you could use if you didn't have any of your own, but clothes from mum will definitely be better. If he's lucid he's potentially gonna want a roll-on deodorant (summer heat, and no aerosols usually allowed). I can't think of anything else I needed brought to me in public units (they don't allow most stuff out of sheer paranoia), just always wanted escorted leave so I could talk to the person outside the walls of the unit, but he may not be there yet.

Hope the visit goes well:hug:
 
Side effects of anti-psychotics for schizophrenia I think all come with a heavy sedative effect, which will be amplified if his dose has been increased, or changed. He's likely also on something like valium to help bring his distress levels down.

All stuff you'll already know. Just, when you walk in and the horror of what is our public mental health wards hits you, and looking into his eyes you may see a bit of a vacant stare right now.

Doesn't mean he isn't glad you're there. It's so important to know that someone gives a damn when you're in a space like he is right now. But if he's safe, and stabilising, and maybe even up for a hug from mum? Then that's awesome. Not permanent, just the only way to get him safe and stable in our current public health system.

Ask the nurses if there's any mental health organisations in the area that they'd particularly recommend for someone in your son's situation. There does tend to be some services that are better oriented to assisting with issues like what's on his plate - likely to be different to the ones you and I would access.

Essentially just trying to find something helpful to say, so you know we're in your corner.

All the public hospitals I've been in had a laundry and clothes left by other patients that you could use if you didn't have any of your own, but clothes from mum will definitely be better. If he's lucid he's potentially gonna want a roll-on deodorant (summer heat, and no aerosols usually allowed). I can't think of anything else I needed brought to me in public units (they don't allow most stuff out of sheer paranoia), just always wanted escorted leave so I could talk to the person outside the walls of the unit, but he may not be there yet.

Hope the visit goes well:hug:
Thanks @Sideways :-) I'm waiting to get a lift in, my guy's oldest son came over, he lives in Lis, so, I'll get a lift in with him, when he leaves.
My guy's done his back in. Unbelievable timing. He will drive in and get me, after though.
I'm so, so tired.
Thanks for being there. I hope there is some caring and good staff on.
I'll be able to catch the bus in on monday.
I know he's had a visit from dad, and he took some stuff in for him, and his autistic, next brother down lives really ckose to the hospital and has visited too.
 
I wish I wasn't so exhausted.

Still waiting to get a lift.

I haven't even started shopping for Christmas.
I got my girls something, but, no one else, yet.
I know what I'm going to make, at least.
I don't want to stress this christmas. I have had so.many painful and sucky ones. Last year wasn't painful, and I'm determined, this one won't be, either.
 
Side effects of anti-psychotics for schizophrenia I think all come with a heavy sedative effect, which will be amplified if his dose has been increased, or changed. He's likely also on something like valium to help bring his distress levels down.

All stuff you'll already know. Just, when you walk in and the horror of what is our public mental health wards hits you, and looking into his eyes you may see a bit of a vacant stare right now.

Doesn't mean he isn't glad you're there. It's so important to know that someone gives a damn when you're in a space like he is right now. But if he's safe, and stabilising, and maybe even up for a hug from mum? Then that's awesome. Not permanent, just the only way to get him safe and stable in our current public health system.

Ask the nurses if there's any mental health organisations in the area that they'd particularly recommend for someone in your son's situation. There does tend to be some services that are better oriented to assisting with issues like what's on his plate - likely to be different to the ones you and I would access.

Essentially just trying to find something helpful to say, so you know we're in your corner.

All the public hospitals I've been in had a laundry and clothes left by other patients that you could use if you didn't have any of your own, but clothes from mum will definitely be better. If he's lucid he's potentially gonna want a roll-on deodorant (summer heat, and no aerosols usually allowed). I can't think of anything else I needed brought to me in public units (they don't allow most stuff out of sheer paranoia), just always wanted escorted leave so I could talk to the person outside the walls of the unit, but he may not be there yet.

Hope the visit goes well:hug:
The timing of it's great. No services are on, this time of year, but, I'll root around, first thing, next year. I don't know whether he'll be in for chrissy or not. "Dad" doesn't bother with christmas, so most of my kid's hate christmas. Too many, let down, sucky Christmases. He's good at making special occasions, extra sucky. Narcs don't usually like anything that's not about them.

I always make an effort though. I might have him here for the day.

My guy's sons will be here. And oldest (son of my guy) has a lady friend, they will be here. I'm not sure how many of my kid's will be, maybe all of them. That will be a first, since I left. That'll be fun, and crowded. I have 7 kids, two have partners, my guy has 3, but only has contact with the boys-son's (21 and 26), I don't think his oldest's partner's kids will be here, but still. I have a tiny unit, and potentially, 14 people wil be crammed into it. Fun times :-) :-) :-) :-) I actually mean that, but not knowing if my son's psychosis will be under control by then?? Yeah, unsettling.

Actually my youngest daughter is turning up later, as they are having lunch with her partner's grandma.

I'll have to get a new stick blender, as I broke mine today and I especially need it for broken jaw son.
He's gone back to the pot smoking haven, as "it helps" and adds to the opiate painkiller's effectiveness.

I get along great, with all of them, now, as long as no one mentions the dad. He's a real sore spot.

At least it won't be a sad christmas, where I send down a bunch of stuff, get no thanks, no communication, and then find out it made no difference, and they were all stressed and depressed, anyway.
 
I couldn't get in to.see my son. I got there just after visitor hours and a guy went and checked, but, came back saying "there's too much going on".
I think that means he's really not doing well, maybe?
I didn't ask for clarification, because I didn't want info that would upset me more, and that I can't do anything about, right now.
I gave him the clothes I bought.
I can't get in today, as my guy is working.
No transport.
 
I think that means he's really not doing well, maybe?
In the public system? It probably means there aren't enough nurses on to do visiting supervision outside visitor hours. Don't take it as a bad sign necessarily.

Maybe you could call later on instead of visiting? Too awkward maybe, idk.

But he'll get the clothes, and know that he's being thought of. That means a lot.
 
In the public system? It probably means there aren't enough nurses on to do visiting supervision outside visitor hours. Don't take it as a bad sign necessarily.

Maybe you could call later on instead of visiting? Too awkward maybe, idk.

But he'll get the clothes, and know that he's being thought of. That means a lot.
I don't know. The call yesterday went so badly. I'm a little scared of aggravating his crazy voices/inner arseholes. He hasn't slept in god knows how long. I might just leave it.
My middle son (broken jaw boy) said oldest rang him and "went psycho" at him.
I only saw him rushing in and out, and I didn't get any deets.
When I rang yesterday the phone started beeping and being weird, after hello, and I don't know why.
I think he is having an epic battle inside himself. I remember that happening, with me, when I was psychotic.
I don't know when I will be able to get over, as I can't catch the bus in, on monday, as I have to take youngest to "wound clinic" and I don't know whether my guy is working.

Aaaaaaaahhhhhh aaaagghhhh I feel helpless!!!!
 

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