Today I get to go see him! :-)
My guy isn't working. Said he would take me in.
I'm trying to eradicate my angry tboughts and obsessional ruminating, about his dad.
It doesn't help anything.
He is a damaged, ignorant and cowardly person, in my experience.
He was just here. Not in my house, outside in a car. He brought broken jaw son up, to grab a few things. And he brought my youngest daughter and bf up for dinner, last night, and took them home again.
So, I should feel grateful for that, but my anger and disappointment at him, and his not telling me our son was 500 metres away from my place, in our tiny hospital, last friday, hasn't fully abated. And that is on top of every other henious, gutless and cruel thing he has done before and can't and won't be accountable for.
I just give up, in disgust.
I don't say anything "provocative" or "hostile "to him,(how he defines the slightest calling into question, any of his behaviour or "reasons") any more, but I just don't like having to "fakely" pretend that I am not deeply hurt, disappointed and righteously indignant, about his behaviour, I do though, I have ro be fake around him, it's the only way.
I would say he avoids me, because he knows, I know what kind of person he is and I've stopped being his narcy, manipulatable, supply victim, a loooong time ago. There is no hope in getting me back, and he did try, early on, so, I'm not worth investing any communicative attention in, despite our children being vastly better off, if he did.
I don't reach out to him, because he has never shown me the slightest bit of respect, fear maybe, but respect? Nope.
My experience is, if I reveal anything about what I want, he uses that against me, he uses that to mess with me, so I don't anymore. Plus, he is pathologically dishonest, by not engaging with him, I deprive him from lying to my face, as he is, constantly, prone to do.
So, it's hard not to feel cranky and frustrated, even though he can't hurt me, directly, anymore, he can damage our children. It's like my children are being held hostage and I can't risk pissing off the captor, as they will cop it.
I wish I were wrong about him, but he doesn't give me any hope that that is so.
By making so many of our children so mentally ill, he shits in his own nest, and I feel confident that he is motivated by fear of having to deal with more of that, if he doesn't, indirectly, coparent with me now, because it's clear that they are immeasurably happier and more secure and less likely to get suicidal and psychotic, when he does that, so I feel confident that he will continue to support them to access my support, from now on, so, I guess, I need to celebrate, that. That IS a victory.
I think he's quite worn down by the emotional, physical and psychological damage he's inflicted on them, as psychotic and suicidal children really are a drag, and not great narcy supply victim's at all.
Thank God the youngest of them, that are still living there, have partnered up, and emotionally, drawn.away from him, and are both keen.to escape, as soon as they are able.
