The Lesson For This Week...

[scout86]

Last week there was a lot going on. This week, my T mentioned that he hadn't had a chance to talk about Robin Williams (yet). So, he talked about Robin Williams.

Turns out therapists were bothered by his death too. They wondered what had "gone wrong", where someone missed something, "if it could happen to him...." and all that. My T didn't know Robin Williams, but he had a theory. (Obviously, or he'd wouldn't have brought this up!)

His theory is that Robin Williams had a lot of therapy for chemical dependency, but maybe not so much of the "sitting down, talking about stuff" variety. He said that he thinks someone needed to spend more time talking to Robin Williams about "kindness". That, from what he knows, Robin Williams was extremely kind, to a lot of people, but that there was one person he never learned to be kind to. That would be "himself".

My assignment for the week is to think about "kindness". Who has been "kind" to me, who I am "kind" to, and, he suggested I might consider the possibility of being kind to myself too. (He says that being "kind" is not the same as being "nice". "Kindness has an "energy about it". A "just because you exist, you don't have to earn it" kind of energy.)

Seems to me there are a LOT of people here.....Most, maybe? Possibly all???????? Who could benefit from at least considering that they are worthy of kindness, both from themselves and from others.

Just thought I'd throw that out there!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

You're right. I know I oftentimes fail at being kind to myself. I know I am not being kind to myself today. I am beating myself up for falling for the BS of a narcissistic/borderline person who manipulated me to the point where I didn't know which way was up. I am being myself up for being so stupid. In essence, I am beating myself up for being trusting and thinking that this person actually cared about me. So no, I should not be beating myself up.

Still hard for me to say much about Robin. If anything, I hope that it brings mental illness into a spotlight and doesn't fade away as the spotlights for other deaths have done in the past with no real awareness brought to light.

 

[The Albatross]

I think that's probably another area, where I don't know where the line is. I don't think I have much of a frame of reference for "kindness to ones self" without it tipping over to narcissism or self centeredness.

 

[user27357]

I see my PTSD as a strong desire to protect myself from a world of danger. What could be kinder to yourself than tending to the daily business of trying to keep ones ship off the rocks?

Yes, I beat myself up for my shortcomings and I feel like maybe I deserve all the crap that has come my way on some level right or wrong, but if I end up in deep enough despair to take Robins lead and get out of here, it won't be because I don't know how to be kind to myself, it will be because I have given up trying to protect myself from the unnending flow of dark energy coming this way daily.

 

[ghotiff]

Great thread.

 

[reallydown]

Thanks for this thread. For some reason, the death of Robin Williams really affected me...not that it shouldn't...on the most basic, human level but I think for several other reasons. One of those is that I am, within my family, consiedred one of the clowns and before my PTSD really took hold (where some of the cracks finally started showing, I was one of those people you'd never guess were depressed. And that brings me to the second point - the darkness, the aloneness of the whole thing (not loneliness but aloneness)...I can relate to it on many levles. Obviously, I don't have the brilliance that Robin Williams had but still being alone with certain thoughts and not having another to confide in...well, at least not one who truly gets it, is a very shitty place...Then, of course, there is the possibility that he was bipolar...I have or I guess I should say had, a very close friend who is bipolar and it is one of the nastiest illnesses out there...I can't say I fully grasp it but I know enough to know that all the brilliance etc one has (and many bipolars are indeed extremely intelligent, as is my friend), once that depression hits, none of that matters and if you don't have the right meds to stabilize your mood or if you drink or take drugs, it is exponentially worse than for someone who is not bipolar. And finally, that friend's sister, who was also a friend, often chastised me, saying you can't love others if you don't love yourself...While loving yourself and being kind to yourself is great, I am one of those who has toruble with that but not being kind and lovign to those closest to me...or uindeed even other people...I think Robin was living proof of that - one can be kind to others, love others even when the reverse is true for oneself...So...anyway, not sure if that makes any sense but thanks for the thread!

 

[scout86]

@Solara I was married to a guy who was probably a narcissist/sociopath for 12 years. At least it didn't take you that long to figure it out!

Which reminds me of something else my T said. He said the it's his goal to be kind to everyone and that that means he has to accept the fact that he will sometimes be taken advantage of. He says he's ok with that.

 

[scout86]

@The Albatross I think that anyone who's worried about being a narcissist, practically by definition, isn't going to be a narcissist!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I have been pretty hard on myself for the past two days and finally became kinder to me.

I have a theory about Robin Williams with his Parkinsons. My husband had Parkinsons and he had many hallucinations and delusions from the medication which does cause that. Later on my husband was diagnosed with lewy body dementia and it comes from having Parkinsons. I do not know what Robin Williams diagnosis was or how he was doing on the medication for Parkinsons. But I sure have a lot of empathy for him about that diagnosis

I went through some files showing my progress in my therapy journey today and it really lifted my spirits and I am being a lot more kind to me today. Great thread..

 

[The Albatross]

Yeah, I just don't know that a reasonably healthy model has been in my life. One to emulate I mean. I guess I'll have to pause to consider it more as I've been pretty much making it up as I go.

 

[Alien Goodness]

Picking up the OP comment about kindness.

I found a book by Paul Gilbert on 'The Compassionate Mind' to be a good read. I struggle to be kind to myself, but when I am, I find it helpful.

 

[KwanYingirl]

@scout86 thank you for this insight. I believe that many people that are depressed are naturally kind and are highly sensitive which can be intolerable at times. Add to that addictions and Parkinson's and you get a perfect storm. He'd had enough of the monkey on his back.