The line between helping and fixing

[ILoveLife]

I do have a fixer person in my life. Wants to do my job for me, wants to take the same classes, wants to read the same books, wants to treat my suicidality, etc. They're not very present anymore, obviously, but I think it was a question of just getting tired of being treated like incapable or inferior, so I set the boundary.

Another one got a bit pissed when I sent a VERY long email explaining why it's so shitty that he thinks I should just talk to him instead of going to therapy lol So pissed that I haven't heard from him in a while.

I guess in the beginning I thought they cared, and it felt nice to be cared for. It did become suffocating eventually.

 

[grit]

interesting topic.
I feel as long as “you”, the person who is talking, is aware of when you are helping or fixing, then that is what matters the most. When a person helps, it feels different than when a person is trying to fix you because “fixing” sort of alerts some boundary discomfort at minimum and you get the feeling of icky! Stop it!

In a long-term relationship, it is a great topic to have now and then when in harmony to learn what others feel or think about this. For a long-term relationship, IMHO, it is Ok to allow some lenience because sometimes some people can go to the fixing route when they are stressed out or are out of balance. It does not mean they are bad people, it means, we all cope differently.

Personally, I have been the fixer especially when/if I am fear driven, but I have been also a helper when I am aligned. I know the difference so I know when I am being pushed by another to be fixed and I just move back and get a bit bigger perspective of where they are coming from. This is the definition of relationship – push and pull and balance.

My fixing phases are when I am also probably struggling to fix myself! There is a deeper issue on hand.

I do not get bothered by those outside of my intimate sphere if they try to fix me… I roll my eyes and move on.