The Need For Control

[Elyria]

So i've been married to my sufferer for 9 years now. In the beginning our sex life was great. He told me early on he wanted to have anal sex. I was never thrilled with the idea but was open to it to please him. Well as the years have passed he ONLY wants blow jobs and anal sex. He's not secretly gay...I believe this is a control issue as he has the need to control everything. His trauma comes from his childhood. Basically he's become a VERY selfish lover. He wants his needs fulfilled and will very rarely even take care of me. He says he's attracted to the Dom/Sub relationship. Not the pain inflicting kind but basically he wants to be serviced whenever he feels like it but doesn't really want to give in return. When trying vaginal sex he literally will get turned off and go limp and can't even perform. Is this common with PTSD sufferers? Its shot my self esteem to high hell. He says he loves me and its not me, that i'm still attractive and i'm the only person he wants to be with, but I can't help but feel let down, uncared for, and neglected. Since he knows I am not a huge fan of anal sex, we had worked out sort of a schedule so that we are both accommodated...but when its my turn he can't even perform! This is very frustrating.

 

[Arugu]

That is pure selfishness. It has absolutely nothing to do with PTSD. Sexual issues are normal in PTSD, but wanting your partner to do something when you know they aren't comfortable with it is not.

You might want to do some research on Dom/Sub. Most people who controlling or have jobs where they in a position of power, such as managers, are more attracted to the submissive role. Being submissive give the person who always has to be in control an opportunity to let that go for a while.

I am sorry that it has had such a negative impact on your self-esteem. It would make any woman feel that way. It is hard to believe his words when the actions so something different. The truth though, is that he is the one with an issue. It isn't uncommon for people to only be able to find pleasure in specific types of sex.

Since you are not being satisfied, I think it would be perfectly acceptable to put your foot down and say that you are not going to give until you receive. Sex should be on a level playing field, it clearly is not in your relationship.

 

[Dekam]

Why is he in control during oral and anal, and not vaginal sex? Is there a difference?

Seems that he does just want serviced. Can he reciprocate oral sex on you?