The "new Normal"...

[AngelKeeperJ]

I just wonder how long it is going to take to believe what has happened. My Dad had just had stents put in his main artery, and was looking and feeling good. Four days later, a massive heart attack. I firmly have faith that he has gone to his reward, which he richly deserved. He served God with all his heart and soul, and was sick and tired of being, sick and tired.

My Dad has been in heaven for a little over 3 weeks. It was a shock. Mom is handling all the details better than I ever thought she could. And, we are actually comforting each other, which I never expected. My Dad was always 'the comfortor'. He didn't want to "go first" because he didn't want me to have to take care of my mother. But I AM thankful he didn't have to watch her decend into Dementia like his sisters did.

When I wake up each morning, it is still a shock. I hope that eventually that will get better. I am proud of the way I have been able to treat my mom. She was not a good wife, to say the least, but I will honor the committment my dad made to her, and love her in spite of her ways from 'before'. THAT I can do for my father.

 

[new gamma rays]

That is very touching angelkeeper. It sounds like you are taking up the right attitude and honoring your fathers legacy.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Slowly, the 'new normal' recedes into the background, and my heart and mind, go back to those moments, the final moments. The sights, the sounds, the despair that was growing in my heart. The understanding that my hero, my father, my Dad was having a huge heart attack and was leaving and never coming back.

As he was fighting to live, I told him it was okay for him to leave, that his journey was over, and that we would make it through and go on without him. It wasn't long until the doctor told me they had not had an oxygen level for 20 minutes. He didn't have to say anything else. I said, "Let him go".

Things are going better than I could ever have dreamed, and I know he is still with me day and night. As a result of his service in the Korean Conflict, the VA is going to provide money for me to take care of my mother, rather than having her go into a nursing home. Quite a surprise for sure.

I REALLY believe now that Mom and I ARE going to be okay, and peace will reign in our home, which is what he always chose to do, for better and for worse.

And, I did not go back to my habit of smoking pot to deal with life. Truly amazing!

I have now been present at the point of death with 3 people. My daughter, my grandmother, and now my father. I consider it a very sacred gift and honor to be at that line between life and death. I know it has made me a better, stronger person. I've learned it's okay to grieve with anger and sorrow, and be comforted by people who really love me. I've discovered who those people are, and have had some suprises at who are not. All for the good of my soul.

I can truly say with conviction, it IS well with my soul.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I really feel with you. I understand that you are still grieving deeply over the loss of your dad. I am the caregiver for my husband who has parkinsons and lewy body dementia. It is a full time job. I am here for you as a support person if you want. I have learned a few things. Have you got a durable power of attorney for your mom? This will be really important for you to have. You are a very special person to take care of your mom.

When my husbands dad died we found out that his mom had dementia and that they had been hiding it. We moved her into our home until she took a bad fall and was dying. The doctor diagnosed her with dementia after I had tried so hard to get that diagnosis. We had to place her in a nursing home and she lived for two more years. We were with her when she died. It was very quiet and peaceful.

You have been through so much. My heart goes out to you. If I can be of any help please do not hesitate to ask. Hugs and prayers for you now as you go through this transition with your mom.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Thanks, Gizmo! Yes, I've been both my parents medical durable power of attorney since they came home from living in Alaska in 2004. Both brothers are out of State, and with my medical experience, it was obviously the choice to be made. They have lived away from here for at least 20 years +.

Mom is relatively healthy, takes very little medication (unlike me lol),so should live quite a bit longer. I sure hope so. I'd like for things to settle into a peaceful, relaxing life. At least for a while!! The VA is going to give her an income that will allow her to pay me, so that she does not need to go to nursing home. She could not live alone, but does not need more than what I provide, and I hope it stays that way. I've always prayed that neither parent would have to do that. It is SO painful!!

Thanks for you comments and concerns, they are appreciated very much.

Blessings to you!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am so happy for you that you are ahead of the game. It sounds like you know what you are doing and that is good. I am still learning. I have a long ways to go.

Hugs and prayers.

 

[Britt.f7]

Angelkeeperj, you are handling all of this way better then I did when my mother died. I am only now getting to that spot, 1.5 years later. You give me hope. I came on this thread to see how you were doing and to provide you comfort and it seems, without you even trying, you gave that to me.

There are still days when I think I can just reach out and call my mom. I'm sure there will be days like that with your dad. Just because we believe in the afterlife and that someone has gone to a better place, does not mean we do not grieve what we have lost here on earth. Tears are okay. Even the happy ones, and those do happen.

My heart is with you.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Thanks, Gizmo and Britt! I appreciate your kind, helpful comments, and (((Britt))) I'm happy to give you hope. Hope is so valuable, because without it, the pain is too much.

Just the last couple days, I've smiled and laughed again, and I thought that would take longer. Because of my faith, it does help the grief. My faith gets me through the "quicksand" of despair and fear.

God bless you both richly with the love and peace that only He can give! And it doesn't matter what church you go to, or if you don't go at all. He is a personal experience.

:hug: