Childhood The Only Sibling Affected?

[PointlessExistence]

Maybe you aren't the only one affected. Maybe they're affected in other ways, and maybe they just keep it inside better. Maybe they indulge in secret deviant behavior yet seem perfect to the rest of the world. And I don't mean "deviant" as in consenting adult-play, I mean something far worse. Maybe you're actually holding up better than they are. You might feel helpless and worthless, but the well-adjusted siblings may be living lives that are far worse.

Likewise every child plays a different role in the hierarchy, and not only has different experiences, but also experiences things differently, even if the abuse is the same. The eldest child might feel extra guilt because he is supposed to be "stronger". The youngest might feel extra helpless because he was "the baby".

 

[Iamsensative]

Being the youngest girl, I was my mother main confident. My sister left for college never came back. My brothers violence escalating to horrible levels. Never any peace, home should be safe, ours never was. Yes I believe we are all touched by this. But as adults you should understand right from wrong. Supporting your mother and abusive husband after your nephew is sexuallty abused is wrong.

 

[moshpitmunkey]

Being the youngest girl, I was my mother main confident. My sister left for college never came bac...

I can relate to a lot of your personal story and Im so sorry for what you have went through. I know what it's like for your home to be a war zone and it's terrible. And people who support those who have abused are dead wrong, I agree. Thanks for your input and I hope you have been coping well with everything you've been through

 

[Deleted member 33052]

@moshpitmunkey Mosh, I've had an insight regarding my family dynamics that might resonate with you. This came to me after my last therapy session.

I'm the youngest of four children. Not only was I abused by my mother, but by all of my sibling. One would reasonably think that my siblings would suffer from PTSD, too, as they were also subjected to some degree of abuse, but they were all bullies.

I'm the only one who ever spoke out or fought back. I'm the only who had to escape, which put me in the black sheep role. So, my violent, substance-abusing siblings rallied around my mother and maintained that I was crazy. I always wondered why I could see it but they couldn't.

So here's my insight. The black sheep - the ones who recognize the dysfunction - are the ones who are strong enough to see/sense the injustice and fight against it (if even just emotionally), whereas the siblings aren't strong, so they allow themselves to become partof the problem, which is safer than standing up against it.

Does that make sense?

 

[moshpitmunkey]

@moshpitmunkey Mosh, I've had an insight regarding my family dynamics that might...

Wow. This definitely resonates with me. I could have wrote it myself. For a long time and even still I always thought I was crazy for recognizing the dysfunction. It made me distrust my own perceptions. I never thought of myself as strong but weak. Thank you for your insight and giving me a new perspective