The Other Side Of Suicide

[nugget]

Just A Short Story Of My Life Till Now,from The Age Of 12 To 16 I Was Sexually Abused By My Stepfather. Now At The Age Of 44 I Thought I Was Over That Stage Of My Life. Ten Months Ago While Driving A Truck A Man Decided To End His Life By Running Out In Front Of Me. His Pain Has Gone But Mine Has Just Started. I Now Have Ptsd & A Anxiety Disorder I See A Psychiatrist Every 3 Weeks A Psychologist Once A Fortnight And My Gp. Life Sucks At The Moment I Am On Workcover, All They Want To Do Is Get Me Back Driving A Truck. At The Moment It Is Not On My Top Ten To Do List.what Im Hoping To Find Out Is How Do You Hold Down A Full Time Job At The Moment I Cant Even Organise My Day Without Getting Confused. Thank You For Taking The Time To Read This.

 

[Nam]

Hello nugget, and welcome to the forum. You are in a tough spot. I would say that driving is a HUGE trigger and it may take years to get over it. I know that is hard to swallow....I think over time, you will recover enough to get back into driving, but until then, I think it would be wise NOT to get into the truck until you are ready. You will know when you are ready. The best advice I can give you is to take it one hour at a time. You can't drive the truck the next hour, so just focus on something that you can conquer in that hour. Eventually, you'll be able to focus on the whole day and then the whole week. You might still have really off days, but with time and healing, you will be able to function normally again. Don't lose hope!

I'm not a good one to ask how I hold down a job, but piglet would give you a better idea. I, after lots of thinking, finally quit my job so that I could have less stress. My job was also a huge trigger for me. I've found that now that I'm at home taking care of the kids, I'm much happier. I'm able to cope with the flashbacks better, and I'm able to keep the depression somewhat under control. For me, it was one of the best decisions although it has put on quite a financial strain. When I'm ready, I'll take a job, but I doubt I'll be working for anyone but myself. I want the flexability to make my own schedule. If I'm having a bad week, I'm able to shuffle the schedule a bit.

Nugget, you have two very distinct traumas that are interlaced. Dealing with one will help the other. Dealing with both will be even better. I'm glad you were not hurt in the accident, and I'm also glad that you have taken a step toward healing by telling us about yourself. Welcome.

 

[YoungAndAngry]

Let me start by saying I love your icon... family guy is great, I'm also a fan :)

Second of all, I feel like I can relate to the driving issues.
I am also a "survivor" of a MVA (motor vehicle accident)
Never really had the opportunity to get a career started before I got PTSD
but I battle with the same question... how on earth are we supposed to just continue with our lives?...
how do we just "forget"? or push these images/thoughts/symptoms out of our lives?

I don't think it's possible or healthy to just avoid everything.
We have to be strong... have a strong support system to hold us up.
I can see you've already taken some vital steps to healing
(all those Doctors!)
and you've found this site!
Give yourself a pat on the back,
getting help is sometimes one of the hardest parts and you've come this far!

As far as getting through a day without confusion,
the only solution I've found so far is planning.
I honestly have to plan exactly how I'm going to prepare my lunch
otherwise I'm left standing there or pacing in the kicthen... completely lost and uncomfertable...

Anyways,
glad to see you here and hope you continue to visit us :)

 

[anthony]

Hi Nugget, welcome aboard. Nugget, what can I say... your gonna have issues with getting in a truck for some time, and may even pass to when your driving your car also... wait and see I guess. You do have two distinct issues, and in fact the final catalyst could have been the suicidal person running in-front of the truck, which just boiled over the pot with the previous life trauma... although a friend of mine got PTSD from killing a child in similar circumstances whilst on operations, so being in that truck could very well just be a major issue by itself. Your doctors and yourself will know the answer to that one.

Working with PTSD is not an easy task, by any means. Many try, with very very few that actually succeed. The common way for people to work with PTSD, is that they often throw themselves into it 150% and become workaholics, which is another method of avoidance, the same as using alcohol in an attempt to suppress trauma. Neither methods work in the long term, both having severe implications upon your health, and basically just putting you years ahead into the grave.

Well, I will be honest with you now about your work situation. Chances are, your going to end up on a pension due to work related illness, as PTSD is classified as a disability to a point to warrant pensioning and some other aspects of disability. Yes, it is that severe. Saying that though, because your job entails driving a truck, which often would allow you to be by yourself and do your own thing, that would fit into your capabilities whilst having PTSD, with its symptoms. The problem though, is that the other factors of PTSD could be the driving stake that cause you not to be capable of even driving long distances anymore, being the concentration, dissociation, etc etc. Being alone is generally what us with PTSD do the best, in the best interest of ourselves at times... so inter-state type driving would fit us all to a degree. The problems stem in those other areas though, and then the other problems is dealing with employers, attitudes, people in general really.

Anyway... welcome aboard, and I look forward to chatting with you more.

 

[nugget]

Thanks To All

Thank you to all that took the time to read my little story.Iam very glad i have found this site in a weird way its nice to find other people who suffer the same.I have become a bit of a hermit and found the computer to be my little world that i can escape to. I am currently changing my meds and feel like im slipping down a bit would love to find out how others deal with the change in help to prepare myself. Thank you all again for your replys. Love the site chat soon.

 

[anthony]

Nugget, when you come off meds, or even dose down, most medications have a run-in / run-out time, where you will get all sorts of physical and mental issues, though they do pass if you can just hold yourself through it. On average, it generally takes the human body a month to two months for medications and withdrawal to be gone. Chances are, your gonna feel like crap for the first month, then things should start getting better.

The best thing you can do to prepare yourself, is just be honestly with yourself in regard to what is occuring. Don't think nor tell yourself your getting worse, when in actual fact your dealing with the same PTSD issues, but now also withdrawal, as the body becomes addicted to the medications as such. Once they wear, then you just have the PTSD symptoms back again, and hopefully a bit more feeling within yourself to deal with them and the trauma, without feeling so overwhelmed from meds.

Medication is definately needed during the initial stages of PTSD though, without doubt, because until such time as a sufferer is educating themselves and working actively with a form of trauma therapy and symptom recovery (CBT, EMDR, ILP, TIR, etc etc), then one would be rolling the dice with themselves mentally. If your getting help, and you know within yourself that you are strong enough to cope without medication whilst you work through things, then you just need to mentally remain cognisant of what is going on with yourself at all times, so you don't beat yourself up over normal occurences that will pass, thus making your recovery just that bit harder and longer to process.

Exercise is an effective means to help rid the body of medication withdrawal, as not only does it help process the drug faster, but also provides mental benefits and well-being at the same time. Good diet, good exercise...

 

[piglet]

Hey Nugget! Welcome to the forum. I'm trying to work and work on my ptsd issues at the same time. I was pretty much going to lose my job and home (my job comes with housing) if I did not return to work. For you, maybe your employer should consider redeploying you to and alternative post in the company before getting you back in the truck. Over here, employers are obliged to consider such a strategy if you are unable to continue in your previous post due to ill health/disability.

What's it like working and having ptsd? Interesting. Especially if your employer doesn't want to work with you to overcome things. It can be done though, I am sure of it, although it may be a long road, and building up a little at a time. Please don't jump right back in - very bad idea. Slowly does it, in your own time (says me, who went back in far too soon! :redface: )

 

[anthony]

Yes Piglet, but your one of the most experienced on this issue at present, and most current to how it feels, the effects, etc etc. So very good advice Piglet.