Sexual Assault The Power Of Your Abuser

[anthony]

Its the old thing... two wrongs don't make a right... but nobody says you can't take pleasure in a bad persons misfortune... Karma!

 

[Crusoe]

Hmmmm. Well I WOULD enjoy seeing him in misery and I agree that it would be wrong to do something really bad eg physically hurt him etc however I am currently thinking of writing him a letter and his wife too (if he has one) to let her know the situation. If I did do this then yes, I WOULD feel awful that I would be breaking her heart and letting her know about her freak of a hubby but then I also think that if it were me I would sure as hell want to know. Whether she does anything about it or not is a totally different matter. As regards whether I feel ok about turning HIS life upside down and possibly making it hell, well I feel perfectly ok with that. If he is ashamed of who he is then that is HIS problem and he should have thought of the consequences before raping me and countless other girls. Am I considering the outcome of my actions too? Sure. He can't trace me and I don't live near him so I don't see how he can do anything about me.

Am I right or wrong? I don't know but either way I have no conscience whatsoever in turning his life upside down at all. Does that make me as bad as him? I don't think so after all I am only telling the truth and he was the one who created that truth not me. He is a rapist and if he can't handle that then that is HIS issue NOT mine. The only issue I might have would be in upsetting his wife / partner.

 

[krystina]

Lets put it this way nicolette, if your mom let it happen sure you would be angry, but she gave birth to me and i was angry at her long enough for not being the mom she was supposed to be and i believe mymom was getting abused to and she may have been afraid to try to stop it. I have a good family a loving one for that matter and they are in a much better situation than my first mom was in.

 

[cherryblossom]

Crusoe, I can understand what you are saying, but I'm struggling to understand how writing to him and possibly his wife would help you? I could understand it more, if you were able to witness any repercussions. But you would presumably post the letter/s, and never know whether he received it or not, whether his wife left him over it, or whether he just tore it up and never gave it another thought. That would make me even more unsettled and more curious about him.

 

[Crusoe]

Yup you are right CB. I would want to know about any repercussions. Hmmmm I will have to think on that one.

 

[cherryblossom]

Like I said, I do get where you are coming from, but without giving away your name and/or address, I don't see how you could follow it up.

 

[Crusoe]

I could do it without giving up that info but it would mean an awful lot of travelling :s. Besides, I'm hoping that today's EMDR session will have resolved this issue for me. More to come in my EMDR diary :)

 

[Nicolette]

Lets put it this way nicolette, if your mom let it happen sure you would be angry, but she gave birth to me and i was angry at her long enough for not being the mom she was supposed to be and i believe mymom was getting abused to and she may have been afraid to try to stop it.

Totally disagree Krystina as that then infers I had the right to abuse my son based on what happened to me. That's just a cop out excuse IMHO as I was able to break the cycle so my mum could have too if she wanted to bad enough. Your being angry at your mum for long enough does nothing to offset the unwarranted abuse and is not a reason for you to remove responsibility from where it should be placed.

 

[skye]

This is what I think....not that anyone really cares...

The legal system sucks....abusers never get enough time for what they have done. In Washington state it seems like you get more time for stealing a material object than for stealing someones virginity. If i could get away with causing my abuser to have a tremendous amount of torture and death I would. Unfortunately I would get caught which is why I wouldn't do it.

As far as prosecuting...I did. I was 16 If I remember right. Well they charged him with a few counts of statutory rape. So as far as they are concerned I was just too young. My age wasn't the problem it was the fact that he beat me and forced me to have sex with him over and over again that was the problem. The legal system worked great, I didn't even get to say what happened.


When I tried to communicate with the piece of crap that raped me I didn't know what I was expecting. I think I was hoping for him to admit it. Well, he didn't admit it, in fact he turned it all around. I am happy i tried but It didn't make me feel better, but it was something I had to do, whether anyone understands it or not.

I don't know if the way I think is healthy or not, but who really knows? Who has the right to judge that anyway?

If I could put everything in the past.....I would. Wouldn't everyone put every bad thing that happened to them in the past if they could? If I could make the dreams, the flashbacks, and every f**ked up thing I see, hear, smell, and feel go away I would.

If all of us could do that so easily, this site would not be here.

 

[Nyx]

What's bad and confusing is, I have contemplated before if I was able to assist him in a life or death situation without harming myself, it actually pains me, but I think I would help him. NOT out of any type of caring about him. I do however think if I didn't in the end I would not feel good about myself as a person.

I feel the same way. I used to say all the time that if I saw my father lying in a ditch I wouldn't even stop to look at him. I wished him dead so many times. I wished him really bad things. But in the end I passed two opportunities of that happening the very day he raped me. First I refused to be the one killing him, and then I didn't let him die in tha bathroom, although I wished him dead. There are days when I regret that. But overall I don't. I have no reason to go around carrying guilt for him. And I would have had a restless conscience if I'd let him die.
And in the end, it's normal. We are human beings as opposed to those bastards. We have conscinces and hearts. It's that simple.

 

[Crusoe]

The legal system sucks....abusers never get enough time for what they have done. In Washington state it seems like you get more time for stealing a material object than for stealing someones virginity. If i could get away with causing my abuser to have a tremendous amount of torture and death I would. Unfortunately I would get caught which is why I wouldn't do it.

OK you have actually just put words to what I feel but have been too daunted to say. I commend you for being gutsy enough to say what you think.

I'm so sorry for what you have been through though skye and again I think you are amazingly brave for taking him to court.

I DO care :)

 

[Nyx]

This is what I think....not that anyone really cares...

Why would you have the impression that no one cares? Have we done something to offend you or make you feel unwelcome?

I don't know if the way I think is healthy or not, but who really knows? Who has the right to judge that anyway?


You do. You have this right, as it is your life and no one else's. The sad part is that sometimes we can't judge things clearly, so then we need a little social backup. But in the end it comes down to you, your feelings, your emotions, your life. If it bothers you, chances are it's not healthy. If it doesn't, just live with it.

If I could put everything in the past.....I would. Wouldn't everyone put every bad thing that happened to them in the past if they could? If I could make the dreams, the flashbacks, and every f**ked up thing I see, hear, smell, and feel go away I would.

You can, it just takes time and work. You can't just snap your fingers and everything goes to order, but it's not an impossible task either.