The Search For Insight

[Bill Dickerson]

I was thinking about what was going on when my glass overflowed. It seems to be a blur (10 years ago) and I felt very persecuted by some. Were my perceptions that skewed at the time? I know I was circling the drain getting pulled further and further down. I wanted to ask my old boss if he could give me some perspective on that time period.

I did a Google search and found he passed a few months back. I am shocked since he wasn't that old. I am feeling really dizzy. Stress reaction I suppose but I'm not sure why...

I guess it's another dead end for my insight into the time frame. I was hoping it might help.

I'm confused and even more dizzy...

 

[Nam]

Fitting you wrote this when I'm lying awake in the middle of the night wondering if my birth mother knew. She found me when I was in college and she never mentioned any of it. It was before I remembered it. I have since lost contact and don't have a way to contact her. It's a confusing mess. so many questions and no real answers. She didn't tell me anything about my childhood at all. Just that she was sorry and that I must be so enraged. What does that mean?

so what I'm saying is, sometimes knowing more information adds to the confusion and makes it more emotional. Like picking off scabs. If answers is what you need to get yourself further in your healing, then by all means, you have my support. Please ask yourself what you would like to gain? How badly would it hurt you if your fears are true?

 

[Underdog]

I understand your wanting more information for sure. I find myself second guessing the last trauma and wondering if it was really that bad at my job. Fortunately, all 4 of my ex-bosses (all fired while I was there in 4 years) said I was overworked, underpaid and undervalued. The one person who remained said they had to hire 10 people to do the jobs I was doing (nothing more than what I was doing either) just to keep up. I'm lucky to continually have confirmation that it was as bad as I remember. Did my trauma skew the way I saw things, probably. However, the reality of the trauma was very real. Hope that helps a bit.