The Sex Thread

[nycpeach1]

It's not just that I have trouble trusting someone enough to be comfortable, there is far more to it. I was trafficked for two years and escaped; obviously sex is an issue for me. Despite being in therapy and doing well, the point in a new relationship where you discuss past partners is an issue. Even though it wasn't my fault, I feel an overwhelming sense of shame. Imagine not even knowing how many people you slept with (I was kept drugged)? I live with the knowledge that no one is ever truly safe, there is always the boogeyman hiding in plain sight. If I'm going to be in any type of meaningful relationship, I'm going to have to talk about this stuff. Keeping it a secret just reinforces the idea that I have something to be ashamed of. On the other hand, most people don't understand trafficking and most of the guys I've told get hung up on the idea that there may have been hundreds of men that had sex with me, even though I didn't consent. It makes me feel tainted or dirty or even worse, "used up." I don't know what to do about it. I've spoken about it in therapy but whats been done to me has been done. It isn't like I can make that go away and while on a rational level I know it isn't my fault, that dark, subconscious monster is whispering in my ear that I'm wrong. The flashbacks/night terrors don't help either. They are a constant reminder of the violence, the fear and the feeling of being helpless.

 

[Lionheart]

Among other traumas, I suffered early childhood sexual abuse and it created a lot of pain and confusion surrounding sex, love, relationships, my orientation, my preference, my sexual identity, etc...

I can honestly say, (tho it took some time), I have finally become educated, self-aware, and worked through my issues and problems. Today I accept myself as I am and I'm free to have healthy, enjoyable, sexual experiences with partners that I find attractive and desirable.

It took assistance from a trauma specialist, lots of time, trial and error, many mistakes, loads of emotional pain, and some research and education to sort myself out, but I am so happy that I finally have!!!

My heart goes out to all who are struggling with sexual difficulties and trauma. You deserve care and understanding. You also deserve to be safe while you work through challenges..I encourage you to hang in there and reclaim your sexual self.

 

[remedy]

I'm dating someone who was in the military, has been diag w/ PTSD. He is very loving, but has trouble with his libido when he has a lot of anxiety. I'm trying to be very patient and understanding. When we do make love- it is wonderful. He seems like he immensely enjoys it. But it is far and few between times that we actually are sexual. What can I do? Is this normal? I worry that it's me...