The Thoughts I Hate To Admit

[Notsowild]

So how do you get through those moments? Is there any technique that work? When they come on strong out of nowhere want can help?

 

[anthony]

Making CBT techniques a part of you, a part of your thinking, is how you do it. Basic CBT is about thought identification > recognition > strategy > action > review. There are different words and such you can use, but you use a basic flow that you can assimilate within you as your ongoing thinking style. Your brain identifies something cautious, it must immediately recognise and not dismiss, so you form an instant strategy to resolve, you action the strategy, and then review whether it worked, or what could be improved / tried differently so it works faster or better, or works perfectly and you shouldn't make any adjustment.

That is a basic process of adoption you need to have with major depressive and / or dissociative moods. You have to live it, breathe it, make it part of your core being so it's instinctive to you. That is the technique that gets you out of such things and keeps you alive, even when your brain is telling you otherwise.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Basic CBT is about thought identification > recognition > strategy > action > review.

That sounds like what I do in my trauma diary.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Is your depression bad right now @anthony ?

 

[anthony]

No... I feel pretty good at present. Exercising most days and keeping my mind as active as possible.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I tried to kill myself once a long, long time ago. But I got scared and I chose that I wanted to live. So I called an ambulance to get help.

At one time for a season I had very many suicidal thoughts pop into my head like driving over the edge of a high place etc.

I wanted to escape the pain. I realized that suicide was no longer a option for me, and I guess I really made a strong choice because I learned that what I really wanted was to escape the pain. I went a long time not wanting to face the day.

I agree that PTSD is really annoying, and I empathize with all the posters here.

But it is no longer a problem for me. I do not get those thoughts anymore.

I do not know why I do not get those thoughts anymore. Mabe I got scared straight.

Good thread. I learned so much from what everyone said here.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

@anthony Okay, that is good. I didn't think so but was curious.

I will need to keep those simple things in mind this summer when I am not in school. I am hoping to catch up on reading and gym time.

 

[Tinyflame]

My apologies Anthony, it has taken this long for me to realize you meant you identified with the character in the film, not saw the film and were triggered.

But I came back to the thread because something has been occurring to me. I know the CBT is required- correctly so, and in the process of doing it one realizes (at least I do) that there are multiple feelings there, and they do change. Like a book I read, "How to Stay Alive While My Mind Was Trying to Kill Me". I also recognize the presence of depression, and realize or agree there can be unconscious impulses to do one's self in. And there can be dissociation.

But maybe, it can be something else, related but different? For example, sometimes I 'need' to walk. I don't mean in an exercise kind of way, I mean I have to take off and walk for miles, down highways, in the dark, or in the middle of the night. I thought it released adrenaline, I can think more clearly or bear things. But now I think, it occurs when I am trying to create the feeling of 'no constraints', I mean I'm literally doing it to convince some part of me that there are no constraints. To 'feel' what life feels like with no constraints, or less. To 'feel' like I'm living a life without constraints, especially the constraints of ptsd. Perhaps the 'draw' (even unconsciously), as to water, is similar? Simply the 'feeling' of potential pain reduction, or the like (in one's mind). Not necessarily the obvious end result (the end of one's life).

Like running, or skydiving- not for the high, not to be brave, and despite risks, because instead for the feeling of freedom.

Then logically, if we can figure out the feeling or state we need we can choose hopefully healthier things that will bring it.

 

[Tinyflame]

What started me thinking of it was I read a book on quitting smoking, it said we have a puff to feel like a non-smoker (no withdrawl, etc), how we were before we smoked (and how we would be if we didn't).