Relationship Their Silence Is Not A Reflection Of Your Worth

[Charlie_123]

Hello everyone,

I joined this forum about a month ago for guidance and advice when trying to support my girlfriend who suffers with PTSD. During a very dark time where I have been isolated by her I have been comforted to read accounts by others who are going through the same thing and doing their best to support their partners and keep positive irrespective of how hard things get. I stumbled across this quote that I thought I would share in the hope that it offers comfort to others who have been or are in the process of being isolated,

"It’s easy to feel uncared for when people aren’t able to communicate and connect with you in the way you need. And it’s so hard not to internalize that silence as a reflection on your worth. But the truth is that the way other people operate is not about you. Most people are so caught up in their own responsibilities, struggles, and anxiety that the thought of asking someone else how they’re doing doesn’t even cross their mind. They aren’t inherently bad or uncaring – they’re just busy and self-focused. And that’s okay. It’s not evidence of some fundamental failing on your part. It doesn’t make you unloveable or invisible. It just means that those people aren’t very good at looking beyond their own world. But the fact that you are – that despite the darkness you feel, you have the ability to share your love and light with others – is a strength. Your work isn’t to change who you are; it’s to find people who are able to give you the connection you need. Because despite what you feel, you are not too much. You are not too sensitive or too needy. You are thoughtful and empathetic. You are compassionate and kind. And with or without anyone’s acknowledgment or affection, you are enough." —Daniell Koepke

 

[watundah]

Wow. Love this. Especially because the last couple of weeks Ive been dealing with isolation and frustrated by the self centeredness of others. Is there any better gift at times than a good listener?

 

[watundah]

I see the author is a 23 year old woman. Ah, to have such wisdom at that age. All I cared about then was finding the next party.

 

[Charlie_123]

I know what you mean, she speaks with such insight and experience despite only being 23. I hope you're coping ok with your experience of isolation. I think you're right, trying to be a good listener even when the other person may have very little say is one of the few but most important things you can do to ensure that when that person is ready to speak they feel like they can.

 

[watundah]

Thanks! Feeling better. I joined a Meetup group for coffee to expand my circle and had a good time, though I do bump into a certain amount of social anxiety. I also met with two friends during the week. Self inflicted isolation makes me cranky as I think of it as self pity. I'm not the best at opening up even with those I've known for years; it helps to realize that when I complain about connection. The elusiveness of trust.