Relationship Then And Now, And The Chasm Between

[LilacFaerie]

I just needed to share this:

Tonight, I came across some pictures of when hubby and I renewed our vows the year before he left for Afg. He looked so happy. Was all smiles. Relaxed. At home in his own skin. You could see in his face that he was HEALTHY. It brought back all those memories that were born before the PTSD. It was quite a shock to see those photos. The stark difference between then and now is frightening and it hit me like a ton of bricks dropped from 30,000 feet.

I had to go lock myself in a room and cry. I hate when things hit me when I'm least prepared. It's like, I have to be hypervigilent myself to keep myself attuned to the moods and needs of my husb, yet when I allow myself to relax, something like this happens.

I think I am getting a taste of what it's like to be on alert all the time, and having the thought that something bad will happen if I slack off.

*sigh* :(

 

[Sandra]

Hugs for you.
I have been cleaning things out recently too and found my first love's pics. Needless to say it was difficult seeing them when I truly loved him and wanted to marry him. But that never happened.

 

[LilacFaerie]

So sorry, Sandra. Dashed dreams seem to be the norm for us, don't they? :cry:

Thanks for the hugs too. Right back at ya.

 

[amethist]

Hi LilacFaerie

Hugs from me too, sounds like you could do with a few more, and a lot of reassurance.

This may sound a bit too optimistic for some, but just because passed dreams have gone, does not mean new dreams cannot be thought of a worked forward to.

It takes quite a long time before you can relax and not react so bad, but it does happen, honestly.

It is a long hard struggle, but if you can see that you do have a future together, not the one you were planning on, but still a good future. You do have to work together though, riding the Roller Coaster of PTSD, hanging on by your fingernails at times, but it can be done.

Look after yourself as much as you can, it does make a difference.

Amethist

 

[LilacFaerie]

just because passed dreams have gone, does not mean new dreams cannot be thought of a worked forward to.

Those are the days I'm hanging around for....my hope may take a bruising of late, but even on nights like this when I look into the future and see a void, that same hope tells me to keep looking.

Thank you for the hugs, Amethist. :tup:

 

[Sandra]

Dashed dreams seem to be the norm for us, don't they?

It's hard looking back at the past, wanting and not getting regardless of what the issues were.

 

[LilacFaerie]

I was never really one to do that....look back with sorrow.....until now. I gotta stop it tho, or I'm gonna drive myself crazy.

 

[Sandra]

I hear you LilacFaerie but not so easy to do at times though.