Therapist Doesn't Believe Me

[sun seeker]

I wonder if that wasn't an exercise or a test ( not very nice one if so) but maybe to see how you are progressing or handling your trauma?

I'd have to disagree with that one. A good therapist never does things like that, for any reason. There are lots of people who muse over why their therapist is doing something or other and whether it is a test. I've never heard of that turning out to be the case.

It's possible to get the details wrong, especially in the case of recovered memory, but you can't make up the symptoms of trauma. If you have them, they come from somewhere.

Your therapist was very unprofessional, not to mention just plain unkind. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

I have a question, when you say you are so devastated because of how he hurt you and you have lost trust, but it sounds like telling him "good riddance" and finding a better therapist isn't what you want to do. Is this replaying something you have been through before? Other important people in your life not believing you?

You deserve to be believed. If something you say doesn't seem quite right to your therapist, he could still explore it with you and find out what is underlying what you are saying. Unless he apologizes profusely, promises never to do this to you again, and explains what was going on for him that caused him to act this way with you and how he is going to make sure it never happens again... I would say get out of this relationship and look for a different therapist. So many of us have gone through years of not being believed. We don't need more of that from the people who are supposed to be there to help us!

 

[sun seeker]

Being believed is a HUGE thing for me as NO ONE but my therapist believes me

I believe you.

 

[joeylittle]

@Renee - I'm curious, can you share more detail of the context when he asked for 'proof'? Like, how did it come up, what did he actually say, did you have a different diagnosis previously...

 

[Renee]

@Renee - I'm curious, can you share more detail of the context when he asked for...

No there was no previous diagnosis before him. He said he didn't believe me about the people in my life. I offered for him to talk to them on the phone. He said no. He said to then show him a picture of me and my boyfriend. So I did. Thank you for commenting.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Therapists, ethically, aren't really supposed to ask for proof. It isn't the point. If a person comes to therapy, something is wrong, and they need help with that, not interrogation.

I'm sorry that happened. If it was me, I would consider moving on to someone that did believe me.

 

[Suzetig]

When you say he didn't believe you about the people in your life, what was it that he didn't believe, e.g. That you had people around you, about their behaviour or that you had people to help keep you safe etc? I'm just trying to get my head around what he felt photographs would be able to prove?

 

[joeylittle]

Thanks for writing back, @Renee - I know this stuff is hard.

He said he didn't believe me about the people in my life.

I'm just going to ask a little more. Sometimes what we think a person means is different from what they say. Did he say he didn't believe the people in your life, that were connected to your abuse?

He said to then show him a picture of me and my boyfriend

Was he doubting your boyfriend existed? It's very odd.

 

[Renee]

Thanks for writing back, @Renee - I know this stuff is hard.

I'm just going to...

Yes really odd I agree. I was in shock. No it had nothing to do with the abuse. Yes it was like he didn't believe my boyfriend existed or other people in my life. The whole thing just makes me so sad. I just don't understand.

 

[Renee]

Hi there Renee,

I actually literally joined this forum a few minutes ago, and I saw your post in the...

Thank you. My feeling is that you have the best answer for why he did what he did..

 

[Friday]

I would have to disagree about the idea that therapists are ethically obligated not to ask for proof. If I say I'm dating a Saudi Prince, I'd far rather be asked for a photograph than be treated as if I'm delusional. Granted, if I am delusional? I'd really appreciate the help back to reality. So either way, being asked for a photograph would be immediately useful for both the therapist & me.

 

[Roslie22]

I would have to disagree about the idea that therapists are ethically obligated not to ask for pr...

I'm not so sure about that Friday... for a few reasons

: Asking for photos may also be crossing the boundaries of a patients privacy. Technically a patient could accept the request, or reject., but since a therapist is in a position of authority, clients may feel more inclined to say yes anyway or think that this is a normal part of therapy when its not, therefore can get into a tricky situation

If I came to a therapist talking about a traumatic event and he turns around asking for photos, even if I did have them, I would be out the door. I'm not in court, and they aren't lawyers or judges.

If a therapist is trained enough, they will find another way to determine the truth, without asking the client for photos.
I feel that in reality, its not as simple as "photos or your delusional" I don't think a therapy relationship is healthy if its like that.

 

[Suzetig]

I don't think it's the therapists job necessarily to figure out what's true and what isn't. I know I've lied to my therapist at times - for a while it was how I kept enough distance in the relationship for be to feel safe. The work in therapy was getting me to a place where I didn't need those defences any more and could be honest with her. If she had started demanding proof or really challenging me, I'd have been gone.

By working with (not necessarily going along with, but working with) what I brought, and didn't bring we built a stronger relationship and I do trust her and she trusts me. I wouldn't have brought photographs etc to therapy if asked and wouldn't have felt safe in session.