Therapist Out Of Town

[Jane.l]

@ellienad thanks for asking that was kind of you . It went pretty well junebug was right he cancelled because he couldn't really form a sentence and was too jet lagged to think straight , he was still not quite on form today , he was disappointed that I would ever think that he doesn't care but he understands that I jump to the worst case scenario because of my trust issues.

Anyway I apologised for freaking out and we are all good .

We also talked about how much my anxiety has been raised because all the news in the uk at the moment seems to be about child sex abuse , it's just there all the time , impossible to avoid and that made him being away all the more difficult . Still he's back now and I can breathe again !

How are you doing ?

 

[ellienad]

@Jane.l That's great to hear. Bravo for being able to truthfully express how you were feeling about things with him. Which in turn, I suspect will make your relationship stronger. Good for you! My T says that she is looking forward to the day where I am actually able to express that I'm mad at her for something... ;)

Thank you for asking how I'm doing, I'm doing okay! My T is back on Monday and it can't get here quick enough!

 

[Jane.l]

Yay you are nearly there ! Well done - it's taken me an age to be able tell him when he has upset me but through several painful lessons I have finally learnt that it's much better to tell him and sort it ASAP - it's not something that comes naturally to me but to see that I can tell him I am pissed at him and for him to take that on board and be ok with that does make our relationship stronger and validates that it's ok for me to be mad, it's ok to express myself and that my opinion matters. Therapy is weird sometimes you feel like it's not really helping but then you can suddenly realise that you have learnt things you didn't realise .

 

[ButterflyBean]

@ellienad - I just want to point out that you have made it through all of your T's absence! You should be very proud of yourself! I have been following this thread and will be curious to know how your session goes on Monday! Thinking of you and sending positive vibes for a good session! :)

 

[ellienad]

@Jane.l Thank you! Yes, almost there!

validates that it's ok for me to be mad, it's ok to express myself and that my opinion matters

What a great feeling! It's a foreign concept to me, and I'm looking forward to the day where I can experience this.

Therapy is weird sometimes you feel like it's not really helping but then you can suddenly realise that you have learnt things you didn't realise .

YES! :tup:

@HollyBeans27 Thank you so much for your support, how kind of you!! I am doing a double session on Monday to process everything, thank goodness. I will be sure to post an update :)

 

[ButterflyBean]

Even though they're exhausting, I love double sessions! I don't do them anymore because I'm in transition between therapists, but they were always wonderful! We got so much accomplished, and I hope the same goes for you! If you don't mind me asking, what are you processing right now? I also wanted to say that you're definitely not alone and the fact with processing your feelings and having them validated! Like you, I don't always feel like anything matters; free expression is a new concept for me as well, and it's very frustrating! If we believe in ourselves, we can make progress, even though it may be slow! Keep up the good work, and I'll be looking forward to your update!

 

[Leigh925]

I love double sessions. I feel like I get so much more accomplished and that I always leave more grounded. Seems like that is hard for me to do in the traditional hour as it always takes me about ten to 15 minutes to settle in and then ten to fifteen to feel grounded before I leave which doesn't leave much time for the in depth stuff we need to cover!

 

[ellienad]

I love double sessions too! I'm like you @Leigh925 in that it takes me some time to settle in, and I'm anticipating it will take me a bit longer tomorrow because of the break. I also love double sessions because I don't feel like I have to get everything out in 50 minutes. I usually leave my double sessions feeling so much more comfortable and connected with/to my T as well.

@HollyBeans27 Thank you again for your encouragement! In regard in what I'm processing; I'm processing everything that has come up while my T has been away :)

 

[Chosen]

I just had to say that I really related to feeling extremely uncomfortable, if even unable, to express anger at my T. I don't know if I have ever, in the moment, told him that I was mad at him (though sometimes I don't realize I'm mad until later). I always feared what would happen to my being able to see him if I did tell him I was mad (even though he's repeatedly told me that I can express anger at him). But after reading your post, @Jane.l , I just remembered that once I had a real row with God where I just swore up and down and screamed at Him. I was kinda afraid to do it, but afterwards I just felt so much more connected to Him because I'd been honest with what I was feeling. I bet it's gotta be like that with my T, too! Now...let's see what happens next time I'm mad at him!

 

[Jane.l]

@Noah go for it ! I just find that getting it out there - instead of letting it become something way bigger by letting it fester is so much easier long term and sometimes he unintentionally hurts me so much that I know I won't go back unless I get it sorted and we do always sort it as soon as he knows he's upset me we can begin to resolve it - if I don't let him know he presumes everything is fine and I totally fall apart . This has been a painful , steep learning curve but it's the only way forward.

Being excepted and not judged even when you are mad makes the bond stronger - I do often apologise when I realise that I have totally over reacted once he has explained his side of things and then it feels like we have negotiated another storm together and are more solid for it , it's all buliding on that trust all the time.

 

[ellienad]

@HollyBeans27 Update! My first session back with my T went great. It's funny, I got nervous beforehand because I felt like I'm almost out of practice in a way, ha. But my nerves calmed pretty quickly and I had a super productive and good session. Ah I'm just so happy she's back :happy: What I'm actually finding interesting is that my bond and connection is almost stronger than before? Weird...but I don't mind.

 

[Jane.l]

@ellienad glad it went well for you .i get really nervous after a break too.
I don't think it is so weird that you feel more connected - you felt abandoned which is hard but you went with it and then your T came back and proved that she hadn't abandoned you - and whilst you knew that logically it's a different thing to go through it . You did really well .