Justmehere
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I have a therapist. They have no special training in trauma. It's not the therapy I really need. It's something. I have been trying to get better care. I planned to quit when I found a better therapist. This one seemed to help because it was at least a safe place to experience empathy and positive regard and blah blah... I haven't been processing trauma. It was nice to have a place to talk every week. Two people close to me died of illness, quickly, and it rattled me so there was plenty of non-criterion A life events to talk about. I haven't detailed past trauma but a headline sentence. There was no reason to state more.
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They suggested I call a family member for support. I told them no, that family member is not a safe person to call for emotional support. No. They said I need to try harder and reach out to them. I explained that person happens to not be reachable anyhow, so no. (They work for a job where they were legit were out of cell phone reach.) They pushed and told me I need to do more to lean on this person for support. I said no. They pushed again.
I was already in a hard spot. Now we are arguing about leaning on pain a--holes in my family for emotional support???
I snapped. I was not gentle in my response. I told them. "Stop arguing this. My answer is no. I told you no. They caused significant harm to me in the past, my relationship with them is extremely boundaried on purpose, we have been over this before, I will not be calling them for support. I said no. Drop it please."
They kept at it. They asked me to call that family member and then a friend they knew about. I told them that friend is on a 12 hour flight tonight. I'm not calling them. "I'm not calling anyone. I do not consent to this. I'm not doing this. Stop." Yes this is blunt, but I was exhausted. And I see no reason it should have been other than blunt.
The therapist argued this. Told me to call the family member and friend and then we would talk later that day after I talked to them. I didn't want to talk to the family member on a work assignment, the friend on a plane, and I didn't want calls later that day with the therapist. NO. They pushed.
I then asked "Do you believe anything I say? These boundaries are not up for debate. I said no. Furthermore, you are arguing I can reach two people tonight that absolutely can not be reached. You are refusing to accept this as TRUTH that they can not be reached. Your response should be "bummer" not "call them again".... what is it that makes YOU not believe ME at ALL when I say these people can not be reached tonight? Do you believe me on anything?"
I was absolutely breaking as a person as I said this. I went from a bad day to complete WTF mental breakdown.
"That is beside the point."
"What do you believe I have ever said that is true? ANYTHING??"
"I believe you are resilent."
"What else?"
They had nothing else... they changed the subject. I brought it back to this. "What do you believe of what I have said? Anything?"
"I believe you are distressed and that you are resilent."
"What else???"
The conversation devolved as they failed to indicate they would even trust me that the family member was not reachable or anything else I said about my life at all. They did not indicate any basis for disbelief either. I broke as a human feeling like they think I'm full of shit.
I don't think I'm going back. Oddly, I could excuse the boundary pushing as a one time thing they did. They had not done that before, and had been quite careful to honor boundaries before. If they did it twice, okay... different story...
but the issue of refusing to believe my family member could not be reached...
I can't get past that. I see no reason to speak again to them. second before this conversation I would have said it was totally worth continuing. Now? Do I quit because of this conversation? Do I go back... and then what? What would I even say? I don't know how to get past that they could not accept me saying the family member can not be reached.
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They suggested I call a family member for support. I told them no, that family member is not a safe person to call for emotional support. No. They said I need to try harder and reach out to them. I explained that person happens to not be reachable anyhow, so no. (They work for a job where they were legit were out of cell phone reach.) They pushed and told me I need to do more to lean on this person for support. I said no. They pushed again.
I was already in a hard spot. Now we are arguing about leaning on pain a--holes in my family for emotional support???
I snapped. I was not gentle in my response. I told them. "Stop arguing this. My answer is no. I told you no. They caused significant harm to me in the past, my relationship with them is extremely boundaried on purpose, we have been over this before, I will not be calling them for support. I said no. Drop it please."
They kept at it. They asked me to call that family member and then a friend they knew about. I told them that friend is on a 12 hour flight tonight. I'm not calling them. "I'm not calling anyone. I do not consent to this. I'm not doing this. Stop." Yes this is blunt, but I was exhausted. And I see no reason it should have been other than blunt.
The therapist argued this. Told me to call the family member and friend and then we would talk later that day after I talked to them. I didn't want to talk to the family member on a work assignment, the friend on a plane, and I didn't want calls later that day with the therapist. NO. They pushed.
I then asked "Do you believe anything I say? These boundaries are not up for debate. I said no. Furthermore, you are arguing I can reach two people tonight that absolutely can not be reached. You are refusing to accept this as TRUTH that they can not be reached. Your response should be "bummer" not "call them again".... what is it that makes YOU not believe ME at ALL when I say these people can not be reached tonight? Do you believe me on anything?"
I was absolutely breaking as a person as I said this. I went from a bad day to complete WTF mental breakdown.
"That is beside the point."
"What do you believe I have ever said that is true? ANYTHING??"
"I believe you are resilent."
"What else?"
They had nothing else... they changed the subject. I brought it back to this. "What do you believe of what I have said? Anything?"
"I believe you are distressed and that you are resilent."
"What else???"
The conversation devolved as they failed to indicate they would even trust me that the family member was not reachable or anything else I said about my life at all. They did not indicate any basis for disbelief either. I broke as a human feeling like they think I'm full of shit.
I don't think I'm going back. Oddly, I could excuse the boundary pushing as a one time thing they did. They had not done that before, and had been quite careful to honor boundaries before. If they did it twice, okay... different story...
but the issue of refusing to believe my family member could not be reached...
I can't get past that. I see no reason to speak again to them. second before this conversation I would have said it was totally worth continuing. Now? Do I quit because of this conversation? Do I go back... and then what? What would I even say? I don't know how to get past that they could not accept me saying the family member can not be reached.
