Therapist Wants To Try A Different Technique

[Iam]

Hi all,

My T wants to try a different technique next week and I am curious if any of you have tried it. It's along the line of a role play, but different too. We had discussed tonight that one of my issues is when I feel trapped emotionally. We identified several situations where I was physically trapped and couldn't get away as well as ongoing emotional trapping by my mother.

My T explained that when person (especially a child) feels trapped they not only feel, but are powerless to do anything about it. He wants to try having me physically push past him during a role play. He feels that it would be empowering for me. He also said he'd like me to bring Karen, my close friend and business partner, to the session as back up for him. When I asked what he meant, he said that he doesn't want to get pushed over LOL! Also that if I do get enraged, yelling and screaming, that he would rather have 2 women walking out than one...for his own protection. I don't know......I'm not sure that I get it.

The first scenerio that he though we could work thru is when I was raped at knife point (I think, I can't remember after a certain point) at 7 years old. Now I could see him wanting another person there for that because I could easily dissociate if the memories are to overwhelming. I had mentioned to him a couple of weeks ago that I was afraid of doing that when we started talking about specifics. That I would want someone there to hold me if the pain was so great that I started crying. I don't cry much. In fact I hadn't cried for 8 years until a couple of months ago and I did completely dissociate afterwards.

Anyway, I said I wasn't prepared to talk about the rape yet and that I worried that it would be a trigger for my friend as she had been raped several times. She is very fragile now because she is going thru a divorce. We decided on a less traumatic situation to role play for this. One that I don't think will cause an avalanche of emotion.

I just don't understand why he wants her to be there. I know I am second guessing him. Karen and I have some difficulties with eachother because she is a PTSD sufferer as well and unlike me, very emotional. Her emotions are hard for me to deal with so she comes up often in my counseling sessions. I am wondering if he wants to observe how we relate? If so that is fine with me, anything that will give him insight is most welcome. I feel bad, I have never second guessed him before.

So my question is....have any of you ever done this before and were you asked to have a second person there?

 

[Jade-]

I have never done that before or even heard of it. I don't think I would like it at all. I have a hard time even walking past my T. when he stands and holds the door for me. I could never physically push past him. I don't even know if I could ever shake his hand.

Only do what you think will help you and what you're comfortable with. If doing that will help, go for it. If it were me, I think I'd totally freak out.

 

[gdf]

When I read these comments it kinda made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Sorry, I don't mean to be skeptical, but this type of contact or the suggestion of it creeps me out not only because of my PTSD and general aversion to getting touchy-feely with people I don't know well but because anytime a therapist (male especially) wants to touch you in the course of therapy it has a potential to cross the line. Once you touch someone it is like giving them license to touch you back. A pat on the shoulder, a hand shake seem much less threatening and more appropriate in a professional relationship.

Once I allowed my former therapist to coax me into letting him hug me it seemed like it was frequently expected and because I didn't like being touched it was uncomfortable. Then he seemed to expect to do it whenever I was really upset in a session, if he perceived I was mad or had cried buckets trying to talk about something. He too would stand in the door and make me walk very close to him, almost having to brush him, to get out the door--it was uncomfortable. If I tried to shake his hand he wanted to turn it into a hug. I often thought "does he do this with all his patients??" Once he hugged me and then I felt something on the top of my head and as him arms were around my back and shoulders I came to the realization that he had leaned his head down on top of my hair and I froze. To me that was entirely too intimate. This was a married man with children and I was raised that women respect that fact that married men are off limits--very much taboo to be touching another woman's husband with that much familiarity.

I guess my point is: anytime a therapist initiates touching, whether it is a technique or just trying to be comforting and it become more than necessary, it crosses a line and since they hold the power position in the therapeutic relationship then we, being abused and used to compliance, feel obligated to obey whether it feels wrong or right. If they are unscrupulous in any way we are in danger and there is potential for a powerful temptation for the therapist to turn such things into very unethical behavior. If your instincts are throwing up a red flag I would listen and listen hard. It seems he could figure out a way to visualize the scenario and work through it that way. Maybe you could bring your pastor or husband or someone if you were comfortable with them to stand in.

I think the two women reference my be to someone hearing the ruckus and thinking he was attacking you--another woman walking out with you would be less "suspicious" because an attack would be less like to occur with a third person in the room. If someone rushed in the room and saw you and he struggling it could look very bad for him. If they rushed in in concern and saw he and your friend trying to calm you down it would be less suspicious looking.

Sorry...processing a little of my own concern here.

Gina

 

[kers]

I have heard of a therapy technique where a therapist urges a client to push against a pillow, to physically enact resisting an attack. So it's not unheard of. However, it surprises me that he would want to do this before you had talked about the incident in more depth, and without a LOT of discussion about the technique, what's going to happen, what your reactions might be, etc. The physical contact, plus the involvement of someone else...it seems like A LOT, you know? A lot to handle. You certainly sound uncomfortable with this, and you should never feel pushed into doing anything in therapy. I'd suggest telling your therapist that you want to discuss the approach in more detail before you will feel comfortable with participating in such an activity.

I talked with my therapist about feeling powerless and frozen, so at his suggestion I took self-defense classes. That gave me practice with physical confrontation in a venue that was appropriate for it. I don't know if that would interest you.

 

[Iam]

Good comments ladies. I have to admit that I am not really uncomfortable with this. My T and I have never even shaken hands before. I trust him totally. I do not feel this is in any way inappropriate, especially with a 3rd person there. And yes Gina, that is exactly why he wants her there, for his own protection if somebody got the wrong impression. This is a technique he sometimes uses when he leads group therapy. I think he also wants my friend there because she knows everything about me and it might be easier for me to do this with her there.

I do not feel powerless physically at all, but it is not unusual for me to feel emotionally trapped. He feels that if I can fight thru him that it would help empower me. The only thing that I am uncomfortable with is that I just don't get mad often and when I do I am not physical about it. I just don't see me mustering up the emotions. Anger is very hard for me to be around let alone feel myself.

My T throws curve balls and keeps me off guard all the time. That's a good thing simply because if I anticipated what he was going to do I would throw walls up and probably manipulate or try to control the situation.

More than anything I am curious if anyone has tried it and if so what the results were. I really appreciate your comments, they have made me think, that is for sure!

 

[gdf]

Sorry, Iam, my suspicious mind is always on the defensive. I am just really sensitive to this kind of thing because I am aware of the professional ramifications it can have on both parties. I'll be interested to hear how it goes. If at any time it feels wrong you can always stop, regroup and rethink it.

 

[AdamAnt]

Why not start the session out with a little levity? When he says "okay, now get past me", start squirting him with a dimestore squirtgun and run past!

 

[snugglepuss]

I am pretty sure that the reason he wants you to bring a female friend with you is so that he is protecting his own butt. Just like when you go to the doctor for a pap test, and if it's a male doctor they always bring a female nurse into the room so that they can observe that nothing sketchy happens.

I would be a little concerned that he would want to re-enact or role play a rape with you, especially given that you have not indicated to him that you are comfortable working on that specifically.

It sounds to me like what he is suggesting is similar to flooding, where you are going to face a situation you are not comfortable with, and he is going to push you to get through the situation physically and also from an emotional/mental perspective. Having a friend there could also be beneficial if you get really triggered and dissociate, and are not safe to leave the office on your own, or to make your own way home.

 

[anni]

It's funny, I do not know enough about various forms of therapy to know what to make of this. Yes, this makes me rather uninformed but whew, Iams I went in my head to trying this out, with my T and it gave me the major willies. This doesn't make it incorrect in my head, perhaps less reserve is something which brings removal of defenses one builds over time? I'm only answering because you're obviously bright and also trust your T so he must know what he's doing with someone who has so recently suffered a pretty severe shake up. I'm really, hugely emotionally fragile, yet have been told I come across as 'tough'. This bespeaks some inability to connect to all that pain, I guess, maybe a fear of it, who knows. IS it better to shatter the containment, as this excercize seems to be aimed towards and I guess start picking through a whole new ball of wax? I just do not know personally, but admire your willingness to explore this- don't know if I could, like a big chicken.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Lauren,

My T has been working with me on dealing with the freeze/shut down when I feel I am being dominated. However, it is a much different course than the one your T is suggesting. Here are a couple of examples:

You and I have similar histories in regard to our mothers. With Christmas coming up and knowing that I will be with my mom at family gatherings, I laid out some of the behaviors in which my mother engages. My T played the role of my mother, and I practiced appropriate responses and enforcing the boundaries that have been established. It was rough the first time we did it, but after a couple of "plays" it became easier and I really believe it will help me over Christmas. Also, it has reduced my anxiety about upcoming family functions since I feel more confident in my abilities to handle things properly.

Other things that she had me do centered around going out of my comfort zone in my interaction with people. Basically, not being afraid to state my opinion nor to back it up with logic. Sort of a "debate" therapy. This will keep me from "stuffing" my feelings and improve my ability to communicate openly. Actually, I've done it here on this site recently. Scary, but it is helping my self-confidence.

What your T is suggesting sounds like something similar, but just a little more intense. But at this point, I am not working on the trauma, just ways to deal with the feelings, from the trauma, that cripple me in my day-to-day interactions. Her approach is to give me as many tools as possible, before we touch the trauma, if we do.

I think you have brought up some great questions and you should talk to your T and make sure you have a clear understanding before proceeding.

Wishing you the best.

Deb

 

[AdamAnt]

That's interesting Deb,... debate therapy! Depending on the subject matter and which side you were arguing I can see that as very beneficial from several standpoints maybe.

Y'all know this thread's from July , right? :)

 

[intothelight]

HaHaHa, Adam, I didn't look at the date on the tread. Just jumped on the bandwagon :D.

Yes, "debate" therapy is a "debbism". For example, commenting on some of the Wikileaks posts has been a good exercise in expressing an opinion and engaging in conversation with differing viewpoints. It is a "safe" environment that allows someone lacking self-confidence and self-esteem to build up both.

I am still laughing about the July date.

Deb