Therapy When Psychology Caused The Ptsd?

[Chelsea1989]

What kind of therapy is available when the cause of my PTSD and worst flashbacks is "therapy". I was in and out of residential treatment facilities and psych wards from the age of 5 to the age of 14. It was a lot of solitary confinement, horrible medical procedures and medications that made me sick, and brainwashing techniques that they call "behavioral modification". So me going to a psychologist, therapy, counselor, etc... is like walking into my trauma again and again. But I'm nearly homebound now because of the intense panic attacks and flashbacks of restraints, rapes, seclusions, and horrible things I can't help but relive.

 

[Abstract]

Gosh I don't envy you Chelsea. Maybe someone who has been there can give you some advice. I do know someone who was sexually abused by multiple people (amongst other things) and she did eventually manage to get help and make a full recovery. And she was in treatment for trauma to start. She said she had to go back into a treatment facility to be forced to trust again. But I certainly can see why that would feel all but impossible. I wish you healing.

 

[Pencil]

I didn't go through anything even vaguely resembling what you went through, but I do relate somewhat as I find relationships very threatening and simply being alone in a room with a therapist pushes me over the edge. I also can't do therapy.

What kind of therapy is available when the cause of my PTSD and worst flashbacks is "therapy".

Have you considered online therapy?

 

[amcen]

Hello Chelsea,

I might be completely wrong, but I'm just talking from my heart. I guess that you could start by searching for a DEEP TRUE friend that you could trust, that can be so life saving. I know, not easy when trust is involved...

You could also work on your own beliefs that make you so sure that ALL the therapists in the world are nasty-bad-horrible etc. Maybe you could find a way to work on these beliefs alone. Here again, I guess that it may be very hard to work on that if these beliefs are triggers for flashbacks :S

Forgive me please if you feel nothing is true there. I already did the huge mistake of unwillingly "force" my own belief in some way of healing to others (because it worked for me) and hurt them by doing so. I put all my attention to not do that again.

I wish you the so very best, please take great care, Chelsea1989.

 

[Chelsea1989]

Thank you everyone. It's really hard to even call a therapist without feeling patronized or like a paycheck. I know that not all therapists are like the ones I've encountered, but I also have those survival skills built in to just run whenever I hear someone is in the field of psychology. *sigh* I guess I'll just have to see if it would work for me again, risk the flashbacks, the fear, and face it for a while.

 

[Pencil]

without feeling patronized or like a paycheck

Oh, hell, yes.

 

[pathos]

This is the same situation I'm in!

I took many years off trying to work with therapy because of this, despite obvious problems. In the end I think what has to happen is you have to decide for yourself that YOU want to go to therapy - because the cause of the original problem was you never decided you wanted to be in therapy, did you? You probably didn't even know what 'therapy' was, that it was supposedly meant to help you or that there was anything wrong to be fixed (at least until they brainwashed you into thinking everything was wrong with you...) so it wasn't really therapy at all. The point is for you to choose, because you never could before.

Once you make that decision for yourself, which is a BIG STEP, you take the therapy into your own hands. You tell the therapist if they are crossing a line because if you don't tell them, they won't know. So you have to set up strict boundaries (which is important both in and out of therapy). The second you are making the decision, that puts you in charge, which is a position of power. That means the therapist is a follower to you.

I'll be honest, I'm still having a lot of trouble with this. But the key for me is what I mentioned - it's my choice this time. I can choose to go and I can choose not to, and when it comes down to it, I actually know what is going on. No one's playing with me. There's a lot of feelings I just have to put aside - like feeling like a paycheck, I will always have to ignore until maybe it goes away, because it's just not helpful for my goal.

I'd also say, if you don't feel safe with your therapist, maybe just trust your instincts and leave! Find a better therapist! Or tell them, hey, I don't feel safe, stop it. And if they don't, THEN you know to leave. There are tons of therapists and you don't have to be stuck with one who is bad, you can keep looking until you find a good one that works well with you.

 

[safenow]

I second what pathos said. Take charge of the session. It is your life, you need to have a say in how it is taken care of.

Good luck
safenow.

 

[Abstract]

that works well with you.

Pathos,
No therapist of mine ever did anything that was unethical. And yet I find therapy beyond challenging. And so I just want to thank you for your insights and intelligent observations. Your bravery inspires me. You have given me more to fight the fears that keep me away from therapy than I have managed to come up with in years. Some of the concepts have been half formed and you have filled in the blanks and enabled me to give credibility to some of what I had started to think. Thank you!

paycheck.

Your bravery is inspiring too. I know what you are dealing is way beyond what logic is telling you but I wanted to share that I know a few therapists and neither power nor money is at all s motivator for them. Good luck!

 

[Artfulone]

Hi Chelsea,

Personally I recommend finding a person centred trauma therapist, who is centred on your needs and going at your own pace rather than one who wants to create an agenda. Not all therapists are trauma centred or person centred. Some therapists might consider seeing you at home or at a place near your home. Therapy often brings up abreaction which can be very painful and distressing, but over time this diminishes. Some therapies are less abreactive than others. Sensorimotor psychotherapy is often seen as less abreactive and suits some people at different stages in the therapeutic process.

A central part of therapy is to move at the pace which suits the client needs at the stage they are at. Another consideration is to consider finding a therapist who deals with iatrogenic (medically caused) trauma and illness. Such a therapist is likely to be able to understand your needs better. My therapist is trained in dealing with iatrogenic trauma within the NHS, but carries out therapy privately also. I found her of great assistance when going through the trauma of processing traumas that were overlaid upon my original traumas by ill qualified and poorly experienced doctors, who for me at that time made my issues worse compounding the original problems and elongating the therapeutic recovery process.

I wish you well on your journey and hope that you find ways of overcoming your hurdles.

 

[rightkindofme]

My traumas include involuntary commitment and finding out what it means when the state believes you are a danger to yourself. It means you don't need to be treated like a human being, essentially.

I have been very angry/reactive with therapists since and I have fired a lot of therapists who didn't work for me. If I am paying you for your time then your personality better work for me. I'm hecka picky.

It is hard. I feel like I continue therapy because I work through different things at different times and I need different kinds of support as my life goes on. I see therapists because otherwise I don't know how to get the support I need. In therapy I can explain how hard something "easy" is for me and not feel as ashamed. Like handling social situations--I can tell a therapist how socially retarded I feel. (Err, retarded in the "not fully developed" way not in the "lets insult people who have a different IQ" way.)

It is hard. All of this is hard. Forget this life business.