I must agree with the line of thought that says there is no cure. But that does not mean there is no healing. What is damaged is our psyche and our ability to function/live once a rift has occured. PTSD is a vicious and real enemy to our lives. As a result, there are different types of breaks that affect each of us differently. Having said that, I do believe there is hope for us to be able to emerge from the horrible darkness and the possibility to regain or achieve a level of wholeness that enables us to safely function and interact. The level of wholeness we achieve depends in part on our willingness to fight and take back control of our minds.
Though my experience with therapy was mostly pre-acknowledgement of PTSD in the Psych world, I was fortunate to find a doctor in the 90's who was astute enough to recognize that I really wasn't bi-polar or manic but that I was damaged from the continual rape I experienced at the ages of 5-6. Once I was able to recognize the source of my screwed up life, I then started climbing upwards. Having said that, I don't believe there is a healing of this enemy of ours; but we can rise above it.This is a battle that has gone on with me for 58 years. I still have issues with dealing with others outside of my circle. I still have trust issues but I am not the suicidal, depressed, lost soul I once was. Is there healing? Yes. Is there a cure? Short of technology going in and rewiring/resetting our brain and psyche......no.
Blessings,
Surefoot
Surefoot, I like what you shared too!
For me, I have conquered “the mind”, no longer thinking of the events that I have experienced or letting them ruin my day.
I’m better at “that was then” and knowing I have a very safe and good life.
What still happens...is the feeling in my body when I’m faced with an event on the news that is very close to an event I have experienced. I’ve almost conquered this!
But what is the most difficult for me now, is knowing that my children are just starting to come to grips with what also happened to them. They are now adults with young children.
I know that they are going through very similar emotions that I have had.
I am respecting their right to talk to me about what their experience was...when THEY want to.
I have realized that they may need to feel angry.
Back in the 1980s I was told by a counselor to “protect your children and allow them to grow up normal...don’t even tell their teachers.”
I was told that “pressing charges and going to trial would be worse than the actual ‘molestation’.”
I was told by the county attorney that this “was completely out of our hands.”
I was told by a counselor that I “could best help my daughter”... I worked very hard to help her with puppet therapy, drawing and a doll.
Our mistake was not talking about “these happenings” as a family, or about what we did when we found out.
My first husband and I did everything right. We listened, we believed and we reported. We took our child to a doctor. It was reported. We talked personally to the county attorney, deputy sheriff and the head of social services. We were told it would be sent to the county where the “perpetrator” lived.
We “fell through the cracks”. I still do not know why or if this man we once trusted and cared about was interviewed.
My first husband and I got divorced...he fell in love with his coworker, the woman I was glad that he could talk with her about this very difficult part of our child’s life.
And when he had his time with our children, he continued to bring our children to see his mother at holidays and her birthday...who was married to this man we once trusted and cared about.
I know and believe he made sure that our children were never alone with him. He was a good dad, and he was a son who couldn’t say no to his mother.
I would check in with our children when they got back home. I also gave them the option of not going to their house. But children want to see their cousins and children don’t want to disappoint their parents.
Two of my children grew up thinkig that “no one really believed them”. They couldn’t understand why everyone acted normal around “this man we once trusted and cared about”.
And they are now angry.
And I do not blame them.
If any of my children bring any of this up, my words will be “tell me more”. If they need to shout at me, I will be “bullet proof”. I have been told by my counselor that “this is the way they will be less victim and regain a sense of personal power.”
And it makes sense...I too had to get angry. I had to look at my own “traumatic happenings” through adult eyes and realize my right to be believed and protected.
I didn’t realize I would say this much in response to your post.
I think what I am experiencing at this moment is not a trigger or related to PTSD. This is appropriate regret, grief and anger that what happened so many years ago is still affecting the lives of my children. I will try to help with all that they need & I will have to wait until they let me know what they need to heal.
This man we once trusted and cared about is dead.
Always believe your child. And I realize now that a family needs to continue to touch base with each other about “what happened”.
Don’t let “it” become the elephant in the room that everyone pretends is not there.
I’d give anything for a do-over.
