StarChild
Sponsor
Although I already posted here before, I try to introduce myself. I'm a female in my late 40s. I am divorced and have already experienced domestic violence in my early childhood. But in my home, the abuser wasn't a man, it was a woman. My mother.
She was very violent against her husband, my much older sibling and me. She never "wasted" time to slap one of us, when instead she could punch you with her fist. She wanted and had control over everyone of us. She was peeping through Keyholes, listening at walls, snuck behind you, ransacked drawers and pockets etc. During my childhood I was punched, choked, locked in wardrobe, abandoned, threatened, shouted and so many more things I don't want to think of.
When my parents had a fight, it literally was one, most of the time; She was shouting, swearing, threatening her husband with her fists, or threw bottles, ashtrays, plates e.t.c after him. And he just fled the scene by instantly leaving the flat or he locked himself in the sleeping room. He never hit her, or us. He deeply feared her, like the rest of us did. The physical strength she developed when she got angry or mad was terrible! One time they wanted to get her to the mental hospital and they came with 4(!!!) big strong men. My god! She threw them away as if they were just dolls!
Her other side was that of a puppet master, who constantly blackmailed us by threaten to kill herself, or she played the guilty card. She had an extreme way of "You are with me or against me" thinking. It was horrible. God forbid to "became" her enemy! She was several times at a mental hospital, but because she had a little child (me) they always sent her back to us. There was no escape! When I think of her, I see just one picture: A lurking, unpredictable predator.
Whilst writing and re-writing this introduction one thing came to my mind for the first time in my life; One fact of her behavior stands out: The deep urge/desire to "erase" others personality and to try again and again to put hers into them. That's exactly what my ex husband did. He used different methods, but he had (and still has) the same sick desire to sway over others. That was the reason I finally left him. But it took a long time for me to just comprehend what he really wanted from me.
Reading my introduction, makes me feel, that it's not complete and a bit confused. But that's all I can express for now.
She was very violent against her husband, my much older sibling and me. She never "wasted" time to slap one of us, when instead she could punch you with her fist. She wanted and had control over everyone of us. She was peeping through Keyholes, listening at walls, snuck behind you, ransacked drawers and pockets etc. During my childhood I was punched, choked, locked in wardrobe, abandoned, threatened, shouted and so many more things I don't want to think of.
When my parents had a fight, it literally was one, most of the time; She was shouting, swearing, threatening her husband with her fists, or threw bottles, ashtrays, plates e.t.c after him. And he just fled the scene by instantly leaving the flat or he locked himself in the sleeping room. He never hit her, or us. He deeply feared her, like the rest of us did. The physical strength she developed when she got angry or mad was terrible! One time they wanted to get her to the mental hospital and they came with 4(!!!) big strong men. My god! She threw them away as if they were just dolls!
Her other side was that of a puppet master, who constantly blackmailed us by threaten to kill herself, or she played the guilty card. She had an extreme way of "You are with me or against me" thinking. It was horrible. God forbid to "became" her enemy! She was several times at a mental hospital, but because she had a little child (me) they always sent her back to us. There was no escape! When I think of her, I see just one picture: A lurking, unpredictable predator.
Whilst writing and re-writing this introduction one thing came to my mind for the first time in my life; One fact of her behavior stands out: The deep urge/desire to "erase" others personality and to try again and again to put hers into them. That's exactly what my ex husband did. He used different methods, but he had (and still has) the same sick desire to sway over others. That was the reason I finally left him. But it took a long time for me to just comprehend what he really wanted from me.
Reading my introduction, makes me feel, that it's not complete and a bit confused. But that's all I can express for now.
