They Just Don't Want To Know...

[Digz]

Does anyone else feel like people in their life just don't want to know about their PTSD?

I've been diagnosed for maybe 7 or so years. In my life, it's like there was this period when first diagnosed when it was ok for it to affect me and although a lot of people still didn't want to know, there were those closest to me who did.
Now, nobody wants to know. Don't get me wrong, I don't really want to know about it either - but I don't really have a choice. Certainly now, the times I am genuinely struggling are much less than many years ago. Still, it makes me feel like I have this dirty secret that is just for me to deal with alone.
Over time I will of course lessen even more the extent my past effects me, but like anyone else, my past is always going to be a part of me in some way - only thing is mine was traumatic.

Sometimes I feel like I'm surrounded by people who love me, but not all of me.
Sometimes it feels like no one loves the real me, the complicated me, the hurting me.

 

[Jnean]

Thank you for sharing. Seems like I could talk to you right now to learn a thing or two. I have been feeling like I can't share that dark side of me truly with others. So with what you are saying, does this mean that even if I am able to eventually share more, that others won't really want to know anyway?

 

[Jnean]

what about helping others like me with things you might to talk about with the people whom you will accept those parts of you too, like others with trauma who may need to hear it more than those who don't. Just some thoughts.

 

[NicG]

What happens when you try to talk to someone close to you about PTSD? What are the differences between how they used to respond, and how they do now?

You are not alone in this. As the years have gone by, people around me sometimes just don't have the time to talk about what's going on with me. I'm never sure if it's because of a lack of understanding, a lack of mental space or capacity for anyone else's problems, a lack of knowing what to say, or flat out not caring. At my best I assume it's one of the first three. At my worst I assume it's the latter. Sometimes I try to "spread the love" so to speak, to avoid wearing out any one person.

Seems like the people who love us do their best, but sometimes don't know HOW to love all of our complexities. Which is fair enough when not everyone has experienced trauma. It took some of my friends a really long time to realise that they don't actually have to say anything: sitting with me in silence is sometimes the right thing to do. Do you think there's a possibility that they just don't know what to say/how to care? Not trying to minimise how you feel, just throwing some thoughts out there.

 

[Kintsugi]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I can certainly relate. I recently disclosed my condition to a friend, and it was literally as if she didn't hear me. Sometimes, though, people just don't know how to cope with the idea of trauma.

Seems like I could talk to you right now to learn a thing or two... So with what you are saying, does this mean that even if I am able to eventually share more, that others won't really want to know anyway?

It is rarely helpful to take one individual's experience and generalize it across the board as a rule of thumb.

 

[Jnean]

Well said Simply Simon.

 

[Sandstone]

I think people expect conditions to be self-limiting. They just don't comprehend the permanence, and because there is no physical reminder, it becomes forgettable

 

[Digz]

Thanks all, for your replies. And I want to clarify, that I would never take anything back and not tell people. I believe that not telling anyone continues to give your once abuser power - keeping THEIR secret. Having said that, it's not like I tell everyone either.
.... "Your groceries come to a total of $150 today, ma'am. Do you want any cash out?"
"Yes thanks... and also I have PTSD as a result of childhood abuse"..... Lol!!!

My husband is really very good and his lack of interest in the last couple of years I think is more to do with him having empathised too much with me in the first years. When I first told him a few of my stories, he cried. Over time he says he's become kind of numb to it. I think he actually has begun to dissociate a little from it as a way of coping. I totally understand that and I love him for caring so much - so I'm in no way complaining about him or anyone else.
It just means that sometimes it feels a little lonely in my brain! It doesn't help that I'm between therapists at the moment either!!

 

[Digz]

@Jnean - sorry, I don't quite understand what you're asking me in your second post - but I"m more than happy to help if I can.
One thing I can say is, certainly don't take my post to mean that it's not a good idea to tell people. Most people, I've found, really care and I think the ones that act negatively, they do so because they realise how horrible it is, and that's why they don't know how to handle it. My T used to say often, "It is not YOUR secret to keep". You should never feel like you have to keep such a secret. Don't be scared. Pick the person you trust the most, that you're closest to and just start in little steps. Practice saying it before, that may help.

 

[Jnean]

That is helpful thank you Digz. I've been feeling quiet and scared lately. But flooded with thoughts, memories and such. Sorry if it wasn't good timing for me to ask while you were sharing something specific.

 

[Milo's papa]

Digz,
I've seen how hard it hard it has been on my wife's friendships. Some people have told her flat out they can't handle it, and Poof, just like that they were gone. It's really heartbreaking for her, (and me) to have people she has been friends with for years just go away.

This isn't her fault, she didn't ask for any of it, yet she has to suffer the indignty of her "friends" just walking away.

The nice thing is, the first friend she made when she moved here from out of state is one of her staunchest supporters. I think there are some people that can handle it when thigs go sideways with a friend, and others just aren't wired that way.

 

[Riot]

I understand, @Digz. I don't have much else to offer, but I really do. Hang tight.