Things/ Flashbacks Are Getting Worse Each Day

[new gamma rays]

I don't really know how to put it down in words. Living with my parents gives me a lot of emotional triggers, and then I am stuck thinking I will have to go back to the hospital where I have been traumatized so many times; it is essentially the reason I have PTSD - conflicts with my parents spiraling out of my control and being forced to either go to the hospital or they would call the police.

But just in calm situations in the house, I am having screaming full-level disassociation/fragments of horror rushing through my brain even though there is nothing remotely stressful going on. I think it is the thought of going to a hospital again, and feeling in my gut that that is what is going to happen. And also that all of these horrible images and fragments of memory I have never had a chance to deal with consciously. They've just stayed buried for the past three years and are only getting 'heard' now.

The grounding techniques I know aren't strong enough. I have no idea how to handle this. Stress is hijacking my brain and leaving me in full panic or high stress all day. I can't keep going on like this. Any stronger grounding techniques or emergency gestures that help?

 

[Hashi]

I've never found that usual grounding techniques were strong enough against the horrible images and memories, and when these first started to surface for me it felt unbearable to be inside my head.

I learnt to visualise being protected from them, having them driven away from me and being kept safe from them. For me, that means visualising warrior versions of myself chasing them away, or other things protecting me, like light or magical figures. I imagine the things actually being chased out of my mind and far away from me.

I do a lot of guided imagery to create a more permanent safety for myself, not just fighting back against something coming up. It's imagery where I'm changing my subconscious beliefs (to believing I'm strong and capable) and also reprogramming my automatic reactions.

I used to have to do affirmations. Not the more gentle "All is well", "I can handle it" sort of affirmations. Very powerful ones that were more a statement to those things trying to overrun my mind. I used to tell them things like I was in control of me, not them. That I had good and light on my side and that made me stronger than anything bad. That I was in command of my own mind.

The way I see it, cognitive approaches can't help much, because these experiences aren't on a cognitive level. They're coming from the subconscious, so the things that are effective are those that address them at that level, which is imagery (visualisation) and rewriting what's happening in the subconscious.

I had to do it a lot and work hard at it, but it's been very effective. I couldn't bear the alternative. For me, any amount of work was worth it.

 

[arfie]

When I start having flashbacks during calm situations around the house, getting out of the house seems to be my best grounding. I, personally, have very fuzzy lines between "calm" and "isolating." Being part of the world grounds me on quite a few levels. A walk. Public event. Visit with a friend or neighbor. A support group meeting. Whatever.

Just me. Hope you find yours, new gamma.