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Things I'm Trying...

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The structure things seem to work for me. Now I just need to structure the hell out of my weekends and I think I'll be golden! (wishful thinking)
I will say that after I put in some hard work doing something I didn't necessarily feel like doing, I do feel more self confident and not so much like the biggest loser on earth. It's just that during the task, I'm dodging rotten tomatoes from all sorts of a**holes, people I didn't even know who I talked to in bars for 20 minutes--WTF? I messed up a relatively mundane, unimportant task today and I could hear, feel, and see a dozen people from the past going, "See, I told you you were an idiot. Look at that embarrassment. Look at that clown."
 
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@Dana1010 I know the feeling. I get this whirlwind of voices from the past often. Not so much voices, but images.. of inconsequential things like you said.. People I don't even know, from mistakes that happened 15 years ago. They just pop up in my mind and distract me from getting any work done. It's a gigantic pain in the ass. Worse yet, I can get stuck in my own past, approaching situations as the person I used to be, rather than the person I am today.

Oh, but one thing to keep in mind. That whole 'I'm the biggest loser' mentality that comes over you. That's not you. That's your symptoms talking. It took a long long time for me to understand that I often mistake my symptoms for myself, if that makes any sense. I now try to view it as an ugly spirit, a talking disease, that lives inside and tries to trick me.

I know that's a little bit of a weird way to look at it, but it has helped. And that distinction, between the voice of that spirit and myself, has helped a huge amount. Because it's my body. I'm the one who directs my hands, chooses what to do with my day... He can influence me, tell me bad things, but he's not the boss of me. And yours isn't the boss of you.
 
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