Hi,
my second post here after my intro post, where I talked about a emdr therapist I was unsure about and deciding whether to go back.
I did go back, and this time T wanted me there yesterday and today. Iv been finding it quite hard to talk to her, and have been more depressed and exhausted each day.
Sometimes what she said felt so patronising, and if Id listen and then say yes I already knew about something, Id get an earful of a very long version of repeated explanation of the thing she just said again, after I just said I know (politely, not being funny or anything). She'd talk like she doesnt believe me; knowing that ihave a really hard time with people just not believing me anyway.
She mixes up my history or forgets things. And when I said I didn't like how she'd told me that I 'just look like a victim' she said she wasnt sorry about it, it was just a fact and emdr will get rid of it.
She asked me to write a list of 'shocks / horrors / traumas' for us to work on, then accused me of being very negative because there was nothing positive on the list.
Today was just awful, when she got mixed up of which order the traumas wereon the list (that she had photocopied but it had comeout with blank bits), she accused me of not numbering the pages or getting everything in chronological order. I told her her photocopying missed the numbers, she wouldnt listen and went on at me for what felt like 10 minutes on how this is an example of how I misjudge people and dont communicate properly because my perception is all wrong and blah blah, and talked over me when I tried to say again I didnt do it. I shut down, then she accused me of not cooperating and that she cant fix me unless I meet her halfway. Then ambiguous questions - I already explained that I have dyslexia dns struggle with questions adn especiallty times, and when I said i didnt understand what she asked Im told again Im not cooperating and should answer questions.
I shut down again, wanted to just run away. Then asks 'so do you agree with what I just said', I say no, i think its wrong, because thats not my copy of the list its what you did and you could have just asked me to writr ethe page numbers! Then i get an apology, and i busrt into tears and shaked so much, but she still made another remark of the lack of chronoliical order (I cant remmebr half of when things happen) and some more blah and then asked 'are you going to add this incident to this list too?'. I told her she wanted the list in the first place, its not a list of gruges.
Seemed to be pick-pick-pick at me, then talk about finding my inner child that i am apparently blocking off - im definitely in tune with my inner core, which was telling me to get the hell out of there.
I am mortified, i was believing that iv been feeling worse because of the emdr, but i think its just the stuff she's saying to me. So depressed i asked gp for anti depressants after therapy today (not been on them for years) and I think i need to re-join a mental health charity I havent been to for a year, where people seemed to understand me when I talked. I dont think therapist intentionally meant to be like that, but im really shaken up.
my second post here after my intro post, where I talked about a emdr therapist I was unsure about and deciding whether to go back.
I did go back, and this time T wanted me there yesterday and today. Iv been finding it quite hard to talk to her, and have been more depressed and exhausted each day.
Sometimes what she said felt so patronising, and if Id listen and then say yes I already knew about something, Id get an earful of a very long version of repeated explanation of the thing she just said again, after I just said I know (politely, not being funny or anything). She'd talk like she doesnt believe me; knowing that ihave a really hard time with people just not believing me anyway.
She mixes up my history or forgets things. And when I said I didn't like how she'd told me that I 'just look like a victim' she said she wasnt sorry about it, it was just a fact and emdr will get rid of it.
She asked me to write a list of 'shocks / horrors / traumas' for us to work on, then accused me of being very negative because there was nothing positive on the list.
Today was just awful, when she got mixed up of which order the traumas wereon the list (that she had photocopied but it had comeout with blank bits), she accused me of not numbering the pages or getting everything in chronological order. I told her her photocopying missed the numbers, she wouldnt listen and went on at me for what felt like 10 minutes on how this is an example of how I misjudge people and dont communicate properly because my perception is all wrong and blah blah, and talked over me when I tried to say again I didnt do it. I shut down, then she accused me of not cooperating and that she cant fix me unless I meet her halfway. Then ambiguous questions - I already explained that I have dyslexia dns struggle with questions adn especiallty times, and when I said i didnt understand what she asked Im told again Im not cooperating and should answer questions.
I shut down again, wanted to just run away. Then asks 'so do you agree with what I just said', I say no, i think its wrong, because thats not my copy of the list its what you did and you could have just asked me to writr ethe page numbers! Then i get an apology, and i busrt into tears and shaked so much, but she still made another remark of the lack of chronoliical order (I cant remmebr half of when things happen) and some more blah and then asked 'are you going to add this incident to this list too?'. I told her she wanted the list in the first place, its not a list of gruges.
Seemed to be pick-pick-pick at me, then talk about finding my inner child that i am apparently blocking off - im definitely in tune with my inner core, which was telling me to get the hell out of there.
I am mortified, i was believing that iv been feeling worse because of the emdr, but i think its just the stuff she's saying to me. So depressed i asked gp for anti depressants after therapy today (not been on them for years) and I think i need to re-join a mental health charity I havent been to for a year, where people seemed to understand me when I talked. I dont think therapist intentionally meant to be like that, but im really shaken up.
