Think I Might Have Ptsd

[John II]

I'm currently doing some exploring to get an idea of whether I have PTSD. So I enlisted Dr. Google who referred me here, and now I'm looking for some of you anonymous strangers to diagnose me over the internet based on a single post.

Or something like that. Well, actually I just want to know what you think, and I will take it for what it is (and it isn't a diagnosis). I already have two diagnoses (CFS and AS) and I'm not looking for a third official diagnosis, especially since I'm too fatigued to benefit from most treatments anyway (I don't leave my home unless I have to, so therapy is out of the question). I just want to understand myself better, and possibly do some self-treatment.

These are some of my symptoms:

• Recurring flashbacks. They're short but intense. They usually don't involve repressed memories (yet anyway, but I haven't really been searching), but the emotional reaction seems to be repressed except during a flashback. If I put the memory (or more exactly: parts of the memory, like visuals) into consciousness deliberately, I usually feel no pain, or anything at all. But when they occur as flashbacks the pain is intense, and I often react physically in some way, like saying "no!" loudly, and I get very tense. And then the pain disappears, even if the memory (aside from emotion) linger.
• Feeling empty and numb.
• Very withdrawn (no regular IRL contact with any family or friends).
• I think I become hypervigilant easily, but I'm somehow also detached. This is something I need to think more about.
• Severe sleeping disturbances.
• Somewhat hostile and irritable at times, although I usually keep it to myself (good sense of justice -- I know the feeling is irrational and I don't act upon it -- and self-control.)

And more, but I don't want to flood you so I limit myself to the symptoms I find most relevant. Of course, CFS can explain many of my difficulties (especially the various forms of fatigue I suffer from, which I don't mention above), but not all, most notably not the flashbacks.

I grew up under very difficult and traumatic circumstances with zero help from anyone (worthless parents), and my main way of dealing was through hardcore denial. I knew things were bad, but I was very far from grasping the extent of it. That has been a slow realization of the years. Some of the things I considered normal (but still made me suffer a lot) was in fact pretty traumatic (like the time a guy tried to make me blind by pushing his thumbs into my eyes).

Any thoughts?

 

[anthony]

No, you don't have PTSD from what you wrote above, and honestly, you should not be trying to self diagnose regardless what you have... EVER. Its a dangerous game, self diagnosis!

 

[Seneca]

That could be any number of things...PTSD has as much to do with external circumstances as it does with your own brain chemistry, so if you're wanting to rule out PTSD as an explanation, you'd have to go through your life history, not your current emotional state.

Other conditions can cause flashbacks, too. Not all flashbacks are trauma related.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi John 11, we are not professionals and cannot/would not diagnose.

Ideally you need the help of a professional, whatever you have, you will find it v difficult to deal with on your own. I('m sorry there is no magic wand to make things better.

Read the info here, seek help from a Therapist or other professional.

Good luck in your search
KP

 

[John II]

No, you don't have PTSD from what you wrote above

Care to elaborate? As I'm not an expert on PTSD I may have brought up or emphasized the wrong symptoms.

and honestly, you should not be trying to self diagnose regardless what you have... EVER. Its a dangerous game, self diagnosis!

I think it's a pretty good game, at least as a starting point. Both my official diagnoses began as self-diagnoses, for years the doctors failed to diagnose me correctly until I suggested my current diagnoses myself and finally was referred to and extensively examined by the relevant experts.

(But I guess it also depends on what kind of person one is. Those who easily believe they have this or that condition just because they read about it probably should avoid Dr. Google.)

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Hi John II!

There is a very good series of tests that specialized psychologists use.
Dr. Google is not the source of effective diagnosis or treatment.

It is normal for people to want to "treat themselves", however I must caution you that the same truth of "Whoever choses to represent himself as a lawyer has a f___l for a client." The same applies for PTSD: "He who would diagnose and treat himself has a f___ for a patient."

Don't try to learn MORE about PTSD so you can convince yourself and others you have it... If you want to know, you need an expert in it to test and evaluate you. (Apologies for yelling): PTSD IS NOT A GAME!

If you don't have it, why would you want it?
This is said with great caring...

 

[John II]

That could be any number of things...PTSD has as much to do with external circumstances as it does with your own brain chemistry, so if you're wanting to rule out PTSD as an explanation, you'd have to go through your life history, not your current emotional state.

Does the exact nature of the event that caused the trauma matter? Because I would have thought that any event, if sufficiently painful and if one is unable to deal with the pain in an integrative and constructive way, can cause or contribute to PTSD, whether the event is a war or severe abuse or whatever.

And there were a lot of very painful events in my life, and my way of dealing with the pain wasn't really constructive (although I don't think I had any choice). I was suicidal for years as a result.

Other conditions can cause flashbacks, too. Not all flashbacks are trauma related.

What other conditions? (Serious question. I'm here to learn.)

 

[John II]

Hi John 11, we are not professionals and cannot/would not diagnose.

I just want your thoughts, don't think of it as diagnosing. The first section in my first post was a kind of joke to show I'm aware of the perils of internet diagnosis.

Good luck in your search
KP

Thanks.

Also thanks for all your replies.

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Dear John II,

We very much care, you obviously are in pain and are seeking solutions to your pain.
With that attitude, you will do very well.

I'm not here to tell you what to do, but, truly, you cannot do this on your own. Please go (sometimes it's better to go not-knowing) and get psychological testing. You'll have a more accurate diagnosis, and more appropriate treatment for what is bringing you so much pain.

Please get tested ASAP, without trying to learn everything about every problem that might match your situation. Spend that energy, after you get an unbiased diagnosis, please. That works best. There is no grade on the test :), no need to give perfect answers...

You are most welcome here, just please, get tested and get into treatment.
Warmly,
Deer

 

[John II]

Hi John II!

Hi!

There is a very good series of tests that specialized psychologists use.
Dr. Google is not the source of effective diagnosis or treatment.

Right now it's Dr. Google or nothing. I just don't have the energy to get myself examined or to do any treatment if it involves leaving my home on a regular basis (like therapy would).

Don't try to learn MORE about PTSD so you can convince yourself and others you have it...

If I don't have it, learning more about it is more likely to lead me in the direction of concluding I don't have it.

If you don't have it, why would you want it?

Not sure that I do, but of course it depends on what the alternatives are. Most people who "want" a certain condition already know they are seriously sick and have something, so not having that condition would just mean they have something else (which could be even worse). That's why people sometimes "want" a certain condition, even though they would, of course, prefer not having anything at all.

 

[Heather]

Hi John - Do you really want to get better? You said you're to fatigued to get out of the house on a regular basis to goto therapy. Don't you have a friend or family member that could drive you? Or if not my insurance company actually pays for rides to and from my doctor appointments. Maybe that is something that your insurance company offers just a thought.

It just strikes me as odd that someone who is suffering as badly as you are won't take the necessary steps to get out of the house and seek help. I agree with everyone else don't try and self-diagnose. Heather

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Hi John,

It's not that I'm not hearing you...

I truly understand the intense fatigue leading to not wanting to go out on a regular basis.
Believe me, a lot of people here really have difficulty.

I'm glad you're serious about wanting to learn... that passion for learning is a very good survival tool.
Therapy would be very effective for you, with your mindset.

There are so many problems with trying to be your own therapist.
You really need one or more very wise, trained mentors.
Certain ways of thinking and unhelpful ingrained behaviors can be a problem, they can be so familiar that a person can't even see it in themselves. In order to heal, a person needs to really work with a counselor.

There are resources to help you be able to overcome the inability to leave your home for trips to the therapist, and some are even willing to do phone sessions: so that might be a workable option for you. You might need to see your therapist a few times, for testing and to connect, and then do a lot of work by phone. My primary Trauma counselor lives 90 miles away from me, so in the winter with bad weather, we use the phone a lot. One counselor, whom I've worked with extensively, has moved out of state, but our therapuetic relationship is so good we still work together, weekly. So therapy is not impossible for you.

We can provide a lot of comfort, assistance, and there are a lot of learning resources here... and you are most welcome to be here with us. But be prepared, we don't want to be substitute therapists, and we don't want to enable you to skip therapy :) . We would be doing you a gross disservice if we tried.

Warmly,
Deer