Thoughts About Being Bisexual.

[Lady of Longbourn]

I was thinking about it for a while and thought maybe I need to start looking at it from another angle. Why not broaden my search to also include Woman's Sexuality in general? I know of a great book about sex but need something for woman.

So I did some searching. Found that when you put that into a nameless big retail bookseller search engine it comes out with a lot of 'how to please women in bed' books. So it took me awhile to find a book that is not about that and is more psychology based. Have a headache now too. But I found one. It might be a textbook but that's okay. There wasn't any reviews so I guess I will found out when I get it.

Those books will probably have information on bisexually and I can go from there.

 

[Mayday]

I wonder if I can find a support group?

I would love to find other people talking about it. More people like me in my place. Where they are happily married but realize they are bisexual.

There are plenty of online forums for people going through the same thing, I did a quick google search and found a few, so they are out there.

Why not broaden my search to also include Woman's Sexuality in general?

I think this is a really good idea. Sexual identity is complex for sure, so all the good resources you can find on it can only help you.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I was actually thinking about finding a local support group. :tup:

 

[The Albatross]

A bit specialized perhaps for a support group, just my thoughts. You don't need interaction, you have everything you need to determine this for yourself anyways.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Ok word to the wise.

Yes I now know I only want to be with men, but at one point I did consider myself bisexual. Not to confuse anyone ;-)

So anyway, be VERY careful about whom you tell. LGBT (lesbian gay bisexual transgender) etc.... Not. So. Much. "B" is still very much the outsider. You get crap from straight people. And then you get crap from gay people as well. I was told that I was a slut and promiscuous; wanting my cake and eating it too. At that time I had only one sexual partner in my lifetime. I was told that my sexuality didn't exist; that I was making the transition to gay. Well that obviously didn't happen. I even had a lesbian friend set me up with both a guy friend and a girl friend, then proceed to tell each of them I was seriously dating the other. Neither cared (one date, lol, why would they?!?) but her comment to the girl was horrible. She said "us lesbians wouldn't do that. You'd never have to worry about a lesbian cheating on you with a guy." OUCH.

I caution you because you'd think that gay people would be much more open and welcoming and such, but often this isn't true. Please don't flame me if someone reading is gay and doesn't agree. Please visit any bisexual Internet forum and you'll see my sentiments echoed.

I say all of this because I don't want to see you get hurt. I think finding some sort of support group for bisexuals may be helpful, whether online or offline.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Good thought SOL. I'll keep it in mind. :)

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I feel much more solid about my choice. Like I am okay with myself for being bisexual. It's a great feeling to have that kind of peace. I hope it lasts.

I feel there is a lot more to think about but mostly right now I am just happy with the feeling of peace with my own sexuality. I really think that might be something a lot of people take for granted. I am okay for thinking about it. I don't feel scared of the words 'sex' or 'sexuality' or 'bisexual'. They are okay words.

But there is a bit more growth ahead. I still have some healing to do. And I still wonder how much my sexual abuse and need to make peace with myself after the fact has played a part in my growth now. ( referring to my first post)

And then of course there is my husband and his feelings about the matter. But I really want to leave that alone for now. We don't talk about it and it's not a pressing matter for us.

 

[Pencil]

I love the way you approach this - as I said before, with a kind of certainty. No angst and dithering.

 

[reallydown]

Personally, I was very surprised a few years ago when I found myself very attracted to another woman and at that time, I freaked out because it was so unexpected and I had no idea what it meant; am I gay? Bisexual? Is it just a girl crush? Etc. In the time since then, and a couple more attractions to women...and after a lot more thought, I realized that however I feel is what comes naturally and that that I can no more control whom I'm attracted to than I can consciously affect weather patterns...So essentially, I've stopped trying to label myself and feel like a weight's been lifted.

Having said all that, I do not mean to imply that you don't know who you are. Some people know right off the bat, some don't, others again never wanna put labels, etc. But as you said, sexuality is one of those core things and it is better to be aware than not, and I agree with you, when you are with someone, as hard as it may be, it is best to tell them. I've never been in a serious, committed relationship so I can't offer much by way of advice. I'll wish you good luck in your exploration and hope that things will get easier as your husband adjusts to this info.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Thank you reallydown. I found what you said to be very helpful and reassuring.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I've known I was attracted to women too since I was about 6 years old and had my first crush on a girl. But what's new to me is the opposition. I haven't really held it close to my chest, I've simply never been harshly judged for it until recently. But it's great to find a way to be okay with who and what you are. It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks, even if they say hurtful things occasionally. I'm cheering for you with that. It's such a wonderful place to be.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I feel guilty for my feelings now. This is terrible to question yourself like this. To feel stupid for your own sexuality. :(

It all started becasue I was trying to re-discover my sexuality after sexual abuse, which really helped me heal. But during that I realized that past all the pain and hurt I was feeling from the abuse that I was attracted to women. No going back now. I have to face it and come to terms with it.

I am not sure how. I am not sure what is missing in my thinking.