Thoughts About Being Bisexual.

[Loveneverfails]

Why do you feel guilty? It is perfectly alright and healthy to rediscover your sexuality after sexual abuse. That is one of the things that is damaged after all, how we perceive pleasure(especially if the abuse was before our sexual awakening) and what we are attracted to. It's perfectly okay to want to claim that back. I did it too. I think realizing what you are in that case takes time.

I realized after reclaiming my sexuality that I enjoy pain, something my religion and most of society frowns upon. I was ashamed for a long while and it took time and tender self love to realize who I am is okay. You are a good person Ayesha and being who you are and being attracted to what and who you are attracted to is okay. It is alright and it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you.

Try to look into your mirror and tell yourself 'I accept myself unconditionally right now.' And when the voices of doubt chime in with what's wrong, repeat that phrase again. Got that from a documentary and it has really helped my sense of self. Hugs if you accept them, I'm sorry this has to be so hard. But you are brave for looking inward for healing, not many do.

 

[Anna]

I am bisexual.

For years I preferred men, but I was always attracted to women. Recently I am becoming disgusted with men especially some of the behaviour I have seen and experienced lately.

I find sex with a woman more loving and caring. Sex with a man I find painful, hard and brutal. Also not as loving as sex with a woman.

That is just my opinion though ;)

I don't know whether PTSD contributed to this...

I was bullied as a teenager to shave my legs and be more feminine. I always used mens deodorant. Maybe I should have been a lesbian but was broken in to become heterosexual? I really don't know. I am still very confused and hurt. Sometimes I do not even know who the real me is. I feel empty inside. I guess that is the BPD though.

 

[Marie10]

I prefer men but am also attracted to women. Only once did I do anything with a woman. I decided not to label myself- too confusing for me. There are some sexual things I've done which I fantasized about an in some cases, the fantasy was better than reality.

Your married and I wish I could give you advice other than have or find a good therapist to talk to and don't be hard on yourself.

 

[Anna]

Recently, I found myself becoming more attracted to women. I am going off men completly. I miss the love with a woman, it is more emotional and I connect more. I am feeling very confused.

Part of me loves having sex with a man, but another part finds it repulsive and also painful.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I was watching a show last night that brought this into my head again.

I thought of the dreams I have had involving women and realized those dreams don't scare me. In fact, I enjoy them.

It's okay to be gay. Something I didn't really know is that being bisexual classify you as being gay but I think that's a personal choice of what you think of yourself as well as a bit of a gray area becasue people might assume you only like women (if you are female)...so at least to myself, in my head, I think of myself as gay. I think knowing this helps me have a better view of it. I feel a bit less alone too.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Ayesha, as if we've (as you know) both been thinking long and hard about this and I hadn't seen this thread! Not looking in the right place.

I'm still confused. I don't seem to be able to get my sexual attraction and my 'I want a relationship' attraction to match somehow. But I think that is society pressures more than me. But this thread and the responses have further reassured me that whatever I'm feeling, whoever I'm attracted to, it's okay. It's all okay.

It's the fear of being 'queer' (only using that as I don't exactly know what label would fit me, not in any way intended to be offensive as I know the term can be regarded as such) being a direct 'result' of being sexually abused that has been the problem for me. But straight people don't think 'am I straight because I was abused? Would I like people of the same sex had I not been?' so I've more or less dismissed that.

Just trying to go with the flow. But I am nervous of labelling myself as anything and wouldn't know how to answer someone. I am wondering whether to join the LGBT group at uni, but as has been said, I'm afraid of 'bi-phobia' from the homosexual community as much, if not more than the straight community.

 

[rightkindofme]

I'm queer. If my husband had a problem with that we would have big problems. Most of the responses throughout this thread were hard for me to read so I stopped after a while.

I totally understand why you want to be able to talk about the things that make you *you*.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I totally understand why you want to be able to talk about the things that make you *you*.

Thank you. I was trying to convey that in the earlier posts but it didn't seem to be understood very well.

Most of the responses throughout this thread were hard for me to read so I stopped after a while.

I hope it wasn't something I said. :confused:

Would I like people of the same sex had I not been?'

Good question and I wonder that too about myself. I do think that if I hadn't been abused I probably wouldn't have had to really look at my sexual self at all and in that case probably wouldn't have realized I was bisexual until I was older. Maybe? I do know sexual abuse played a part in me finding out becasue in order to start healing I had to explore...me.

You may find something useful Debbie said earlier in the thread:

As children grow up and develop, they go through different phases, e.g. trying different roles, intense same sex friendships, not liking the opposite sex, developing a sexual preference, etc. I think that abuse, especially sexual abuse, disrupts this process. That individual search gets derailed somehow.

I am wondering whether to join the LGBT group at uni, but as has been said, I'm afraid of 'bi-phobia

Maybe you should try it. Do they have a website? That may help you get the 'feel' of the group. I envy that you have a potential group though and I do wonder that if maybe a group would be more open-minded verse LGBT people off the street.

I'm still confused.

Me too sometimes. Sometimes I feel sure, confident and okay with it and then sometimes I am just confused. It's not a easy thing or very straight forward. I do like sex with my husband but then sometimes I wish he was a girl. And I know it's not the sexual abuse talking, it's just desire and lust for a girl/girl relationship that I feel must be so different. But I try not to think about it...

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I found something useful:

Coming out is often an important psychological step for lesbian, gay, and bisexual people. Research has shown that feeling positively about one’s sexual orientation and integrating it into one’s life fosters greater well-being and mental health. This integration often involves disclosing one’s identity to others; it may also entail participating in the gay community. Being able to discuss one’s sexual orientation with others also increases the availability of social support, which is crucial to mental health and psychological well-being. Like heterosexuals, lesbians, gay men, and bisexual people benefit from being able to share their lives with and receive support from family, friends, and acquaintances. Thus, it is not surprising that lesbians and gay men who feel they must conceal their sexual orientation report more frequent mental health concerns than do lesbians and gay men who are more open; they may even have more physical health problems.

From here: Link Removed

 

[Moony]

I'm bisexual and I have to say I'm uncertain whether my past history has affected my sexual orientation. I don't think so. I'm more on the 'gay side of bi' to put it plainly. I'm in a happy relationship with a woman, and am more attracted to women than men. I don't think that accepting your sexuality is a bad thing, whether you're in heterosexual relationship or not. It's about feeling comfortable with yourself.

I know it can be hard when people around you react badly, especially when many of them don't realise just how much trust you put in them to even bring up the subject. My gf was a little iffy at first. I was always open from the start of our relationship that I was bi, but unfortunately she had someone (who was also bi) cheat on her in a past relationship with a guy. As I told her, I don't want to be with a man, I want to be with you.

I feel that if anyone's partner is insecure with your sexuality, then it is definitely worth talking to them about it. You are with them for a reason. You chose to be with, and are attracted to them. I felt much better about myself once I came out. I had some bad reactions, but I also had some good ones. I'm just glad I don't have to hide who I am any more.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I have had the realization that last feel days that I don't think I am bisexual. I know I am bisexaul.

It feels wonderful to have that closer on the matter but I wish I had someone to talk about it with. I have this forum, my therapist, my husband (sometimes) but no one to really share with that I can be personal with that is actually gay or bisexual. That hurts a bit. My therapist is the best choice becasue of all the experience he has with therapy but it really is not the same thing.

 

[rightkindofme]

I'm queer...