Tired Of Feeling Depressed

[Sara1999]

I have a long history of depression, technically bipolar disorder, but the meds control the mania well, not always the depression. So the PTSD on top of the regular depression is overwhelming. I am at the point where I don't want to do anything. If I'm home, I want to be out. If I'm out, I want to be home. I am just so miserable in every moment that I always want to be doing the opposite of what I am doing.

My counselor talks about "good voice" versus "bad voice". Bad voice tells you that you are not safe, that you are never going to get better, that you can't handle life, etc. But the goal is to fight it by arguing back with Good voice. But at this point I feel like Bad voice kicked Good voice out of my head, and told him never to come back. Bad voice wins. I feel like giving up, like this is my life now, and I should just accept it. No more trying to be better. Things will never be the same, and I am not sure I want the "new normal" that people talk about. I'm having some suicidal thoughts, but nothing that I intend to act on. Just what pops into my mind when things seem this hopeless.

 

[Nadege]

I know how you feel. Just today I wanted to start my own thread about how PTSD is exhausting me. The discomfort, the fears, being on the alert, no sleep without meds, and triggers everywhere - no matter where I go I cannot count on being able to relax and not triggered. I feel that my days are a lot more exhausting than they should be... I am so tired.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

I can relate to things both of you are saying. I feel like I go in and out of hypervigilance and anxiety off and on all day everyday. And I'm so tired of it. I felt good earlier today. And now I feel like I want to scream. Feeling the PTSD all the time makes me depressed. And I really wish people who don't have PTSD could understand that I struggle everyday and maybe that way they might choose their topics carefully. But, they don't. And life isn't going to tiptoe around me. I have to learn how to deal with this. But, it's all new right now. It's kinda raw.. even though I've had PTSD most of my life.. the diagnosis is new and the therapy for it is too. In this moment I feel emotionally exhausted and frustrated.

 

[Sara1999]

PTSD is exhausting me.

I agree that it is exhausting. It might be easier to cope with if I wasn't SO tired all the time.

 

[Tinyflame]

I am so tired. and tired of it too. I don't even know what else I can do, or not do, that is feasible, that I'm already doing.

It's like the point where numbness, hopelessness, and desperation converge. :(

(((((Sara1999, Nadege, Blackbirdrising))))))

 

[FaerieJayne]

<3 big hugs for all of you. I too understand.

 

[Nadege]

Thank you all!

 

[WesternSky]

Bad voice tells you that you are not safe, that you are never going to get better, that you can't handle life, etc.

I feel like giving up, like this is my life now, and I should just accept it. No more trying to be better.

Don't give in to Bad voice. A therapist once told me in the depths of depression and PTSD that this was as good as it was ever going to get and I shouldn't hope for more. She drained whatever spirit I had left and I wanted to give up then and there, because if this was all there was, I sure didn't want it.

Please don't give up. Take a rest, take a hiatus, let yourself feel what you feel and do everything you can for yourself right now, but don't give up permanently. I don't have anything but (probably) empty words, but I mean them and feel for you.

 

[discarded]

Good voice is in there, maybe buried a little deep at the moment. I have been struggling with my depression lately and having increasing negative thoughts. Now I just try to recognise the negative thought, focus on it so that I can then find a positive one to counteract it. Doesn't always work but it is a start.

 

[Maggiemay]

*hugs*

Right there with u. I like the analogy of good voice & bad voice. My therapist and I identified 6 aspects of my personality and it's a constant battle to stop my hopeless, defeatist side win and to try and stay in adult, contained mode. Xxx

 

[Sara1999]

Thanks for the feedback everyone.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Please do not forget guys that it is the holidays. I will bet the depression will lift after all the christmas stuff is put away. The holidays are like having an anniversary reaction. It is amazing to me how such sick and demented families try to celebrate the holidays. I am glad when we had our kids it was so much fun. It is really for the kids.

Hang on it is almost over. I am depressed too.