Tired Of Fighting

[Ghostybear73]

Yesterday I took a bunch of meds to sleep the day away. I have so much to do today and I have no motivation. I spend the majority of my time awake thinking of ways to end it all. Today I just don't seem to care…ending it all is too strong today to ignore…tired of fighting…

 

[saffy]

Sorry to hear that Ghostybear73,

It sounds like you are really going through hard time at the moment. You have a lot to get through. you want some peace, that is understandable. What is the value you put on the things you have to do?

Are you getting any support at all?

We are here to listen.

Best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Britt.f7]

I've taken medicine to sleep away the day. I know my depression is really bad then, but I think sometimes, as opposed to the alternative at the time, that is the thing to do.

I know you are tired, but I truly hope you do not give up. Things can get better. I can attest to that after going through a rather bleak time(to say the least).

I wish you strength.

 

[Ghostybear73]

I see a therapist, who recommended this avenue as I don't talk to people, other than him. I also have a psychiatrist who is trying really hard to get the right medication regimine. I am on more meds that one can count on one hand and although the regulatory meds seem to be working, the other meds don't. Trial and error I suppose. Problem is, I adjust to meds too quickly and after increasing to the max dose, they don't work.

I take a med to decause the amount of bad dreams I have, but the medication causes sleep walking and I have come close to burning the house down. Not interested in killing the household. My husband and I have talked about it and we agreed that dreaming about things like getting chased, caught and having my arm completely cut off with a serrated knife is safer than the reality of my actions sleepwalking. My husband has invested in a top of the line security system to prevent me from leaving the house while I'm asleep.

I don't talk to anyone, including my husband, because he is young and he gets angry and wants to fix it (as most men do). He used to push for details that I don't know so he can exact revenge. My therapist thinks being on a forum will help because I don't associate with people at all. I work, but I'm in control there, so its tolerable....but getting harder every day. Some time today, if I am able to fight my urges....again, I will post my story and this all will be easier for people to understand.

 

[Britt.f7]

This forum has really helped me through some very dark places. I hope it does the same for you.

 

[WillyKat]

I've said that phrase ("I'm tired of fighting") to myself quite often. And I know you're having a tough time right now. But there is reason for hope here.

You're posting on this forum and that is a huge, healthy step. Sure, you don't feel comfortable talking to people, yet. But you'll soon learn that there are people around who you can talk to.

Please see this as the huge step it is.

Also, coming out of the bad feeling you're in right now does take time. It's ok to let it take the time it needs to come up out of the rut. I make the mistake all the time of expecting it to just turn off like a switch, but we have to be patient.

So enjoy this major step you've taken.

 

[saffy]

I agree, I also found it helpful being able to talk on here and read others healing and self help advice.

I also do a lot of other things to help myself as I am not under a doctor for my problems at all at the moment. Things like meditation to develop better self awareness and to develop a quiet mind. It is working great I have much less negative inner dialogue.

I also decided that I was sick of feeling like I was. I hated the feeling. I also realised no body was going to get me out of it but me.

It was weird because when I felt the start of my mood lowering I know how far it will get so do not fight it as much. I try to clear my mind of intrusive thoughts that keep me at that low point. In the quiet I am not hurting at all. My body feels relaxed and my head is empty. It is a nice feeling.

It was a hard time getting to this point though but worth it. A lot of self discipline I suppose. In the end I realised I was only fighting myself in the end. So I suppose I gave myself a break for a while. It was comforting.

You have made the right move at least coming on here and chatting with people who understand already even though the past will be totally different to each others. :)

Best wishes
Saffy :)