I do not have a car, and was never able to learn to drive due to my abusive parents. Ever since I had to move here, I have gotten relentlessly street harassed.
It started a couple years ago when a dude drove past me and shouted what I'm pretty sure was "HEY GAY!" out their car window. I go by Eric in real life and my fiancé also has a masculine name, so it is entirely possible that they overheard that somewhere and thought we were a cis gay couple.
Some other times of street harassment (in generally chronological order; all in broad daylight):
- Honked at on numerous occasions, likely due to perceived attractiveness.
- Was wearing a crop top and shorts while riding my regular bike because it was extremely hot out. Someone yelled "Yeah! Ride that pussy!" at me.
- While I was carrying groceries home on foot, someone screamed a bloodcurdling scream at me out their car window and then laughed. I think it was the Hey Gay guys.
- Arguably not street harassment but still creepy af: Guy pulls up to me in white van and says that he has electrician work available. Asks for my name and number. I say Eric, he seems surprised. I give him my real phone number. He drives away. A couple weeks later, he does the same thing, I give the same answers. He drives away and I never see him again. (Human trafficking? Pimping?)
- Guy wanted to take a picture of my ebike. Ok, sure. Takes a picture of my legs on the ebike. Um? Then, he changes his direction completely to go the direction I was going (exact opposite direction to where he was originally going), turns slightly into the nearby apartment complex as if he expected me to do so as well. I go really fast to a strip mall nearby that has a thrift store I was going to anyway, park my ebike, go inside, and continuously peek outside to make sure he wasn't following me. Fortunately, he was not! I think he was trying to follow me home. This is the inciting incident that caused me to carry a bat everywhere.
Harassment and honking ended after I started carrying a bat everywhere. It became a lot more peaceful and safe for me. Until!
Most recent and egregious incident:
I met my fiancé when he got out of work, and then we visited Taco Bell. We looped back around to his workplace (of which he was wearing a branded hat) because that is his preferred way to get home. A car pulled up out of the parking lot and a lady got out. She started repeatedly saying things like "Can I have your bike?" and even got out her pocketbook in an attempt to buy what is obviously my only safe mode of transport (walking as femme is not safe in this town). Which is also dinky and kind of destroyed, and was originally only $300 on eBay anyway. Then when I said "Uh, no?" she was like "Then I'll take it!" and stared at us for a moment. I was like "Ok?", pulled out my bat, and we started walking away. It is very dense to threaten a small lass with an aluminum bat, who is accompanied by a big guy who, combined, could probably knock her down in 2 seconds. She got back in the car and her designated driver drove away in the opposite direction. I told my guy "See? People here ARE crazy, this is literally why I carry the bat," and I carried it in my hand for the entire way home. We kept looking behind us but the car was not following. We got home and I vented a lot, I felt unsafe and like crying. My fiancé is back to work today and is getting the CCTV footage in case this person becomes a recurring harasser. I do not know my next steps, I will figure it out. Suggestions are of course welcome.
I am tired of people treating me like a chew toy they can just take and take and take from. I deserve to be treated with respect just like anyone else. When I'm drunk, I go out of my way to be very kind. I like to do "reverse vandalism" while drunk eg. I see a knocked over plant, I put it back up properly. I am only pretend violent towards my fiancé, we do fun pretend fights. I like to dance and I like to be silly. It's easy to make new friends. Clearly, I can still be in complete control of myself while drunk (though I will not drive obviously lol). I feel like alcohol is used too often as a mental and social excuse to do the wrong things. Lady probably thought "I'm drunk, I do not have to deal with the consequences of my actions, I can just use alcohol as an excuse". It's frustrating. I wish everyone was as nice as my fiancé, even when he is trashed he is still an absolute angel.
Effects of street harassment:
- Extremely stressful to leave my house at all.
- Carry a bat for self defense.
- I prefer to cycle across town to withdraw money at 3AM when no one else is around. It is also 10x faster because there are like 2 cars on the road at most. It is so peaceful and liberating to just be able to ride wherever without having to worry about the insanos.
- Only feel safe in my house.
- Want to move to a city.
- Put a lot of importance on my physical strength; get upset when people do not think I'm capable of lifting something heavy due to my small frame.
- Really hate people in general. (Working customer service also does not help at all lol)
- Wants to learn how to drive mainly so that this will stop being an issue.
Other people's thoughts and opinions are welcome! I am having difficulty coping due to constant invalidation and people making jokes out of me carrying the bat IRL.
It started a couple years ago when a dude drove past me and shouted what I'm pretty sure was "HEY GAY!" out their car window. I go by Eric in real life and my fiancé also has a masculine name, so it is entirely possible that they overheard that somewhere and thought we were a cis gay couple.
Some other times of street harassment (in generally chronological order; all in broad daylight):
- Honked at on numerous occasions, likely due to perceived attractiveness.
- Was wearing a crop top and shorts while riding my regular bike because it was extremely hot out. Someone yelled "Yeah! Ride that pussy!" at me.
- While I was carrying groceries home on foot, someone screamed a bloodcurdling scream at me out their car window and then laughed. I think it was the Hey Gay guys.
- Arguably not street harassment but still creepy af: Guy pulls up to me in white van and says that he has electrician work available. Asks for my name and number. I say Eric, he seems surprised. I give him my real phone number. He drives away. A couple weeks later, he does the same thing, I give the same answers. He drives away and I never see him again. (Human trafficking? Pimping?)
- Guy wanted to take a picture of my ebike. Ok, sure. Takes a picture of my legs on the ebike. Um? Then, he changes his direction completely to go the direction I was going (exact opposite direction to where he was originally going), turns slightly into the nearby apartment complex as if he expected me to do so as well. I go really fast to a strip mall nearby that has a thrift store I was going to anyway, park my ebike, go inside, and continuously peek outside to make sure he wasn't following me. Fortunately, he was not! I think he was trying to follow me home. This is the inciting incident that caused me to carry a bat everywhere.
Harassment and honking ended after I started carrying a bat everywhere. It became a lot more peaceful and safe for me. Until!
Most recent and egregious incident:
I met my fiancé when he got out of work, and then we visited Taco Bell. We looped back around to his workplace (of which he was wearing a branded hat) because that is his preferred way to get home. A car pulled up out of the parking lot and a lady got out. She started repeatedly saying things like "Can I have your bike?" and even got out her pocketbook in an attempt to buy what is obviously my only safe mode of transport (walking as femme is not safe in this town). Which is also dinky and kind of destroyed, and was originally only $300 on eBay anyway. Then when I said "Uh, no?" she was like "Then I'll take it!" and stared at us for a moment. I was like "Ok?", pulled out my bat, and we started walking away. It is very dense to threaten a small lass with an aluminum bat, who is accompanied by a big guy who, combined, could probably knock her down in 2 seconds. She got back in the car and her designated driver drove away in the opposite direction. I told my guy "See? People here ARE crazy, this is literally why I carry the bat," and I carried it in my hand for the entire way home. We kept looking behind us but the car was not following. We got home and I vented a lot, I felt unsafe and like crying. My fiancé is back to work today and is getting the CCTV footage in case this person becomes a recurring harasser. I do not know my next steps, I will figure it out. Suggestions are of course welcome.
I am tired of people treating me like a chew toy they can just take and take and take from. I deserve to be treated with respect just like anyone else. When I'm drunk, I go out of my way to be very kind. I like to do "reverse vandalism" while drunk eg. I see a knocked over plant, I put it back up properly. I am only pretend violent towards my fiancé, we do fun pretend fights. I like to dance and I like to be silly. It's easy to make new friends. Clearly, I can still be in complete control of myself while drunk (though I will not drive obviously lol). I feel like alcohol is used too often as a mental and social excuse to do the wrong things. Lady probably thought "I'm drunk, I do not have to deal with the consequences of my actions, I can just use alcohol as an excuse". It's frustrating. I wish everyone was as nice as my fiancé, even when he is trashed he is still an absolute angel.
Effects of street harassment:
- Extremely stressful to leave my house at all.
- Carry a bat for self defense.
- I prefer to cycle across town to withdraw money at 3AM when no one else is around. It is also 10x faster because there are like 2 cars on the road at most. It is so peaceful and liberating to just be able to ride wherever without having to worry about the insanos.
- Only feel safe in my house.
- Want to move to a city.
- Put a lot of importance on my physical strength; get upset when people do not think I'm capable of lifting something heavy due to my small frame.
- Really hate people in general. (Working customer service also does not help at all lol)
- Wants to learn how to drive mainly so that this will stop being an issue.
Other people's thoughts and opinions are welcome! I am having difficulty coping due to constant invalidation and people making jokes out of me carrying the bat IRL.
