Tessa, what you said, " I went to bed traumatized and crying and the word ridiculous went round and round in my head until I contemplated climbing the windmill and hanging." I could really relate to that description.
I have been reading some of the posts and I see so many bright creative people here, like you.
I hope you will try to forgive your sons for not understanding, even my closest friends don't get it. I hope you will be nice to yourself
and even if they never understand, then maybe they are the lucky ones.