-WillNotBeTelevised-
New Here
{tw: Childhood Sexual Assault, Abuse, Drug Abuse mentions}
It's a weird feeling I guess. This whole being able to speak my story and realizing you actually have the right to speak that you have a voice. I was brought up in a strict religious household (Jehovah Witness). My father was the kind of man to hide behind religious principles only unleashing his godly love through his fist. Most days his breath would smell of liquor and his words just as bitter in taste. In 1998 everything reached a summit and I realized how people can become monsters. I had a favorite teacher in school he was an art teacher whom I confided in about bullies at school and my family issues.
He began taking interest in me more than other students. It became apparent when on a project in class and he kept complimenting my abilites. This turned into a friendship with him and my parents. At the request of my parents I had been allowed me to go to his room any time there was a anything dealing with holidays going on in class and for recess. I went to school that day and I remember having a sub so she brought in a tv to watch nightmare before christmas.
Due to the arragement my art teacher pulled me out of class like always. We sat doing a coloring page for a few and he asked me about my birthday. I had just turned 9 that day and he wanted to give me a surprise for my birthday. I was very excited I never got anything for my birthday before so he told me to close my eyes and follow him. So I did close my eyes. Now in retrospect I never wish I did. Once I opened my eyes he changed he wasn't who I knew anymore. That day he used me like many other days after. I got acquainted with this role. He would call me he told me I was beautiful and no one could hurt me that he would protect me. There was always his constant limbo between him being so kindhearted to being sadistic. I left the school the next year after he once the summer came.
After that I shut down not talking about it till middle school and again in high school and being swiftly ignored and disregarded. I turned to drinking, cocaine, perception pills my addiction was heavy slipping into altered states just to not feel what I felt.I don't like to feel anything really feelings usually take me to places I don't want to remember. I've recently started therapy with a psychiatrist who is a survivor and have been working on confronting my triggers. I guess I'm better than I was seeing that I am able to post without shutting my comp off and trying to numb out. I hope that I can find this site as helpful as the members using it to help each other fight this. I'm learning each day how to cope better maybe I can find more answer here and possibly help others.
Thanks for listening hope everyone had a great weekend
It's a weird feeling I guess. This whole being able to speak my story and realizing you actually have the right to speak that you have a voice. I was brought up in a strict religious household (Jehovah Witness). My father was the kind of man to hide behind religious principles only unleashing his godly love through his fist. Most days his breath would smell of liquor and his words just as bitter in taste. In 1998 everything reached a summit and I realized how people can become monsters. I had a favorite teacher in school he was an art teacher whom I confided in about bullies at school and my family issues.
He began taking interest in me more than other students. It became apparent when on a project in class and he kept complimenting my abilites. This turned into a friendship with him and my parents. At the request of my parents I had been allowed me to go to his room any time there was a anything dealing with holidays going on in class and for recess. I went to school that day and I remember having a sub so she brought in a tv to watch nightmare before christmas.
Due to the arragement my art teacher pulled me out of class like always. We sat doing a coloring page for a few and he asked me about my birthday. I had just turned 9 that day and he wanted to give me a surprise for my birthday. I was very excited I never got anything for my birthday before so he told me to close my eyes and follow him. So I did close my eyes. Now in retrospect I never wish I did. Once I opened my eyes he changed he wasn't who I knew anymore. That day he used me like many other days after. I got acquainted with this role. He would call me he told me I was beautiful and no one could hurt me that he would protect me. There was always his constant limbo between him being so kindhearted to being sadistic. I left the school the next year after he once the summer came.
After that I shut down not talking about it till middle school and again in high school and being swiftly ignored and disregarded. I turned to drinking, cocaine, perception pills my addiction was heavy slipping into altered states just to not feel what I felt.I don't like to feel anything really feelings usually take me to places I don't want to remember. I've recently started therapy with a psychiatrist who is a survivor and have been working on confronting my triggers. I guess I'm better than I was seeing that I am able to post without shutting my comp off and trying to numb out. I hope that I can find this site as helpful as the members using it to help each other fight this. I'm learning each day how to cope better maybe I can find more answer here and possibly help others.
Thanks for listening hope everyone had a great weekend
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