Sexual Assault To tell or not to tell

[SinkorSwim]

I'm feeling a bit of pressure from the media lately with everyone coming out and tell their sexual abuse stories. I've been trying to weigh out the positives and negatives after being silent for 25 years. I just don't know what to do.

 

[13ReasonsWhyNot]

Don't do it just because everyone else is. If you do, do it for your own reasons and because it's what you want to do! My trauma resurfaced over the summer after decades, and I will say that I feel a little lighter after "coming out" to people, even so far as telling people who knew both me and the assailant from that era. Everyone has been really supportive. I didn't say anything for decades, but once I started opening up about it, it's like a dam burst and I can't reel it back in now. Fortunately I wouldn't want to go back to carrying that load by myself. It's a difficult thing to decide whether to go public about it. I hope the decision you ultimately make will help you through your healing process!

 

[BoN-bOn]

I will say that the support you receive isn’t always what you hope. I’ve lost my entire family over the truth. Yes, I feel a little bit lighter now that the truth is out & I don’t have to carry it anymore...I no longer have to fake a smile & pretend everything is a-okay at family gatherings...but the fact that they would rather cut me off & pretend it’s a lie, just downright hurts. Ouch! I’m thankful for the support from those that I can count on & I will move forward the best I can, & hopefully be stronger for it in the end. It’s totally your choice.

 

[Bristol]

Dont do it just because the media does. Its a big thing and can have massive consequences so please think about it and decide if its right for you regardless of others. The people that tell their story to the media have had practise and coaching it is completely different.

 

[Joan]

I say do not do it just because of the pressure. I think you have to access what "audience" you want to tell as well. I have recently told my "story " in a group and to a life coach. They were more controlled environments that were bound to be more supportive than just general population. For me I had been working on shame and this was the next step in that process. Best wishes in your decision making. Your story is yours and needs to be honored and i hope that it is if and when you decide to share.

 

[EveHarrington]

Do it when it’s right for you.

You may not get the response you want. You may get no response at all. Your voice may be lost amongst the crowd. So do it when you’re not feeling pressure to do it just because everyone else is. (“Everyone else is” is never a good enough reason alone to do anything.)

 

[Freida]

Don't do it if it's the "in" thing.
Do it if it helps you.
It's never too late to get help.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I have told a few people from college, mainly because I was wondering if they had noticed anything off about me way back when. They hadn’t. They asked some questions. And though I got some empathy it wasn’t really the validation I was seeking. It felt more like pity or not a big deal now, because it was so long ago. Normal people do not understand ptsd. I Facebook reconnected with my college roommate who was away that weekend. She had her own rough experiences with college boys, if the rumors are true, some really bad things were done to her sexually in sorority/fraternity hazing. Found out she is now a lesbian. In our conversation, she did lead me to believe her past was true and that people just didn’t talk about that sort of thing 25 years ago. She helped me a little by sharing a college photo of us in our dorm room. It confirmed some accuracy in my flashbacks. However, she continued to share happy dorm room memories with our reconnect at a time my reliving was very traumatic. So almost every message I got from her turned into some sort of trigger. I don’t want to officially come out about being raped until I am at a place where I 100 percent feel zero self hatred or blame. I need to be able to defend the act that it wasn’t my fault despite alcohol or asking him to stay afterwards or sleeping with him a month later. There are reasons for how it all happened and why, but the general population doesn’t have time to sift through all of that... I will be blamed and I know I can’t handle that at the moment.

 

[Deleted member 44517]

This is a hard one.
I have personally chosen not to do the #metoo thing but I have told a couple more people this year. Until then it was just my husband and one friend.

I am selective in who I tell. The support was there. As I grow stronger and release the shame, I am able to tell more people. Which circles back and helps me feel less ashamed and stronger.

The fear of blame was so strong. And it lingers. I know it may happen but I am more able to combat the accusations with logic thanks to therapy.

 

[SinkorSwim]

Right now my husband knows but I have yet to tell my family. Right now I feel he really is the only one who needs to know because he has to deal with my ptsd the most. Thank you all for your input and helping me weigh the pros and cons.

 

[Friday]

I don't know if you've caught the rider that's also been in the media... Just not as much.

"Survivors don't owe you their stories."

Yep. Mic Drop.