To those who've been here over five years

[Lucycat]

@Bitter Pill I don’t think you’ve read the entire thread. Sandstone clearly states that she is not better and is questioning why. I don’t think it is a matter of arrogance, more like looking for validation. To see if her reasons match those of others perhaps.

 

[blackemerald1]

I am not looking for a cure. I am looking for the best way to live with this conditio

^^This. I have actually been told this by a lot of psydoc's and T's.. in my case. Particularly when I have plummeted from being fairly well to not at all coping and I want to know why I am still not cured.

I am into the management and live the very best I can phase. Looking for a cure is too big and I cannot ask that of myself anymore though I used to. :)

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Being "better" and "well" are two different things that are in a constant state of fluidity. To be completely asymptomatic for a LENGTHY period of time would blissful for ALL of us. I have forgotten how that feels.

 

[Sandstone]

all your little tools,

I know you didn't mean it to be so, but that was a really useful answer. It has set me thinking about the size of the tools, and about my assumption that will power is enough.

I think I said earlier that most things have come easily to me, so I'm not used to having to apply myself consistently over a long period. I expect to decide to do something, and then to do it. Even the things that have needed sustained effort as an adult- losing weight, running 10k, doing a degree - have been sustained on an act of will. I decided to do it, so I did it.

Here, just deciding doesn't seem to be the enough, and I'm not sure what would be. There is always something working against those decisions, to undermine them. And that is where I wonder if I'm misjudging the size of the tools.
There is an element of assuming that once I've worked on something, then that one is ticked off. So it took me weeks to get breathing sorted and established, but then I put it away in my toolbox. Maybe I'd only skated over the surface?

 

[Abstract]

There is an element of assuming that once I've worked on something, then that one is ticked off.

I have decided more recently that there is no putting it away ever. When I have diligently practiced at lenght and have felt have rewired my supposedly plastic brain then left things they can slip back. Its rather like driving a car in my experience. Exept its like learning to drive a car, boeing, fighter jet, tractor, train, motobike etc etc etc etc at the same time. When learning to drive you need to spend a lot if energy and time until certain things become more automatic. But you can never climb into the back seat after learning to manage the clutch as you won't be able to reach it from there.

So do think that a lot of it is the tools, the variety of tools, learning which tool for what, practicing using them and so on. I tend to keep brain plasticity in the fore of my mind. How many times have done a this way over my life time. How many times have I done it the new healthier way. If I do the old stuff I reinforce that path not this. And then we get to trauma processing of course.

When I found myself stuck a while back I realised I couldnt bulldoze and rather needed to care learn and equip myself forward. Big learning curve.

 

[Teasel]

I see it (using tools you've learned) as brushing your teeth, if you brush daily your teeth are clean if not they ain't.

 

[Friday]

...if you brush daily your teeth are clean if not they ain't.

And no amount of brushing will straighten your teeth or fill a cavity. Tools only go so far.

:hilarious: I’m reminded of my grandfather for a moment. One of his favorite sayings (from sawing wooden planks for building various things)...

I keep cutting it, and cutting it, and it’s STILL too short!

 

[blackemerald1]

I keep cutting it, and cutting it, and it’s STILL too short!

:hilarious: Friday! Your grand-dad had a dry sense of humour? :)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I have no idea how long I have been a member here. Maybe 5 yrs. Maybe not. Don't care enough to look. I know I have been in therapy for over 10 yrs so I think I can answer this. I am better. Still need therapy weekly because there is a lot to get better from. There is a lot of trauma effecting me thus it takes a good while to "get better" from that. Complex trauma is indeed complex. But, I am much more stable even from when I first came here. I have a service dog now whom helps me function. I am better but I got a whole long way to go to really say the trauma is no longer effecting me. Or to be at a point to no longer need therapy. But, I am better then when I first came here. There is just a lot to get better from.