Undiagnosed Today Is The Day..

[tiger259]

I was involved in an all out gun battle or to be more PC correct officer involved shooting a little over two years ago. It didn't settle in on how close I came to getting killed until I was asked to raise my hands and turn around by another officer that was pinned down.

My first reaction was "damn I'm in trouble now for shooting", but then the officer said, "I can't believe you didn't get hit". That's when it hit me like a brick. The shooters were armed with Ak's and a pistol and I still hear the scream of the bullet whip by my head.

But I won the day I came home however two of my fellow officer's didn't. Since that day I have to pass out in order to sleep, I see the two shooters at the foot of my bed at least once a week, I hate the sound of gunfire, and I do things while I'm on the clock that I know isn't the most tactical that I can do.

My type A personality has kept me from asking for help from anyone but I can't do this anymore alone. So today is the day that I go and talk to a doctor about it. I love doing what I do I'm good at it but I have to bury my feelings every day in order to do it, and I can't do it anymore. So today is the day that I hope will fix what's broken with the help of a doctor.

 

[BigBear]

You are a brave man. But bravest of all is seeking help!

Bear

 

[LEO1]

Very proud of you. I am also LEO and saw my fellow police friend Die and the suspect also. Of course to top it all off i kept it inside twisting me up, and then years later deployed to middle east where my world seemed to catch up and the stress was out of control. Please do what you are doing and again the first step is hardest but its the best you will take. it's about getting YOU back. I am making it a mission of mine to get help to PTSD sufferers for Police,Fire,Rescue, CONTRACT or Military. The thing is, most departments don't really offer help like we need, so we get shunned and that is where it all starts to hurt really badly. GOOD LUCK!!!

 

[Hello Rebecca]

Wishing you great recovery...please continue to post, I will be seeking help too

 

[NarcSis]

I lost who I was one day on the job, been struggling to find my way back since then.
I know what it's like to be out there fighting to convince yourself you're okay, scared all to hell inside and struggling not to let anyone see.
I'm improving. It's a long road but if you stick with it, trust me, it gets better.
You're more important than anything in this world, don't ever stop believing it, no matter what. It's about YOU now and your survival.
Welcome.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'm so proud of you!

And welcome to the forum!

 

[KP the nut]

Welcome to the forum.

I am pleased you found us although not cecause of the reason.

You have shown great courage, not just with the job you do, nut in writing your introduction and seeking the help of a doctor. It is a hard first step to take but this is the first step to manage your symptoms.

Wishing you peace
KP

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi and welcome to the forum. Everyone has already said it all. You are very brave for seeking help. It is nice to meet you.

 

[anthony]

Hey Tiger, welcome... and congrats on shifting past the personality / ego aspect of asking for help. I had to do the same thing, being veteran and all. Services don't exactly train people to be open and emotional. Really well done.

 

[Whitneys story]

Hi Tiger,
Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your service!

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[RubyTaco]

Welcome.