Today Is The Day

[FindingMyself88]

Today is the day that I tell my boss I will not be returning to work. I don't know why I am so nervous. I know deep down its the right thing to do for me. I'm barely handling school, much less work right now. I will be telling him that maybe at some point I can return, but I definitely will not be able to return to management. I feel like a failure or that I'm too weak, but I don't know what else to do. It's going to be hard to explain. Yes I have lots of health problems, but all of them are made worse by my PTSD. I don't know how much I want to disclose to him, if any.

I am in the process of starting to apply for SSI, at least until I get out of school. My T feels this will be best because not only will it allow me to focus on school, but on healing. She says I'm always to hard on myself and never give myself a break. Plus this will also give me time to work on getting my PTSD service dog..

I know its right, but its so hard. I hate disappointing people, so this meeting is going to be incredibly hard.

 

[Viosinger]

You can do it! :-) admitting personal limitations is important for everyone, PTSD or not.

 

[natalya]

Let us know how it goes. Take care of yourself first.

 

[HelenB]

So glad to hear you are taking care of yourself. You are not weak or a failure. It is strong to be working through all the emotions of the PTSD and you deserve to give yourself the break and self care which you need and I hope it goes really well today.

God Bless
Helen

 

[FindingMyself88]

Thanks everyone for the support. I am not use to caving in. I'm use to doing what everyone expects of me and right now its just not possible..

 

[natalya]

I know how you feel. Hang in there. We are here for you. We are u. this together.

 

[Notsowild]

@FindingMyself... I understand this

Yes I have lots of health problems, but all of them are made worse by my PTSD. I don't know how much I want to disclose to him, if any.

I have the same problem at work. Only thing is I can't afford not to work. I agree with everyone we need to take care of ourselves first. Good luck today. Remember to breath. Keep us updated.

 

[WillyKat]

Good for you!

You know, if you view your entire lifetime as a long road, any one particular job represents one pothole or turn or sign. It seems like a big deal at the time but really, it is after all, just a job.

You'll be OK.

 

[FindingMyself88]

I have the same problem at work. Only thing is I can't afford not to work. Keep us updated.

Yeah, I can't really afford it, but it was that or keep going until I had a complete breakdown. So my parents are taking over my rent until they can move up here and I am on food stamps. It was a have to situation…

Thanks every, I meet with him in an hour… I will let y'all know how it goes!

 

[HelenB]

You're not caving in. You are looking after yourself because that is what you need and as you said it is to prevent you having a complete breakdown.

I am glad you are able to get help with your rent and know this is what you deserve and hope the meeting goes well.

Helen

 

[joeygn72]

I see you realizing work is too much for you is major progress. I can't tell you how many unhealthy situations I've stayed in because I didn't realize it was unhealthy or because I just plowed through and kept going. I'd keep going because I felt throwing my hands up admitted defeat and ment I was weak. Good on ya for taking that step!! Kudos

 

[Hope4Now]

I know its right, but its so hard. I hate disappointing people, so this meeting is going to be incredibly hard.

I wish you strength and courage in this step. What a good thing to do for yourself. This healing stuff takes SO MUCH TIME! And having to juggle work and school along with it...yikes. Increases the stress.

I am supposed to be asking for a leave of absence/short term disability (at least my therapist thinks I should, and he's not usually that directive...I think I was freaking him out at the last couple of sessions). I got as far as sharing my diagnosis with my director (who is an incredibly good and kind person) and asking what the steps would be. He looked panicked, and this instantly made my decision to keep soldiering on even though he said I should just give him some notice (because I am in charge of a LOT of things and am in the final stages of finishing a book that was supposed to be published in September). I chickened out because I didn't feel like I could leave him in that situation. I know this is coming from my self-destructive tendencies to make everything work for everyone else before myself...but I just can't make myself do it. SO I AM ROOTING FOR YOU! Tell me how it goes! Maybe I'll be inspired by your courage! (That is not meant to pressure you in any way at all...just to affirm that you're doing the right thing!)