Todays session 😔

[LucyLou]

This morning session didn't quiet go as I thought it would. She said because of how dissociated/shut down I was during last session, she doesn't think I'm ready....but jeez, when will I ever be ready?! She wants to pause trauma work and spend the next couple of weeks going over grounding/coping strategies (whilst children are off school) This kind of feels a step backwards because we've done grounding work etc and I don't even know when I'm dissociating right now....says that if I really want to, we can go back to trauma stuff, once children are back in school and I have that space for myself again. Also mentioned about me maybe not getting the full benefit, whilst doing telephone therapy because if we were face to face, she could pick up in dissociation earlier and ground me before it gets too much. I don't know how I feel about that, I don't think I could talk about these things face to face. She wants to do a check in at the start of each month, how the last month has been for me, what goals for next month etc and I like that idea because it will help me to see that I am making progress and also self care was brought up again. I said I thought I was doing what I should with medication and therapy and felt it wasn't going to get better but then she mentioned about how I prioritised the house cleaning this morning over sending anything over to her about what I want to talk about. I need to be more open (I know this )

 

[Movingforward10]

Her suggestions sound really sensible. She's helping you to steady the ship so you can steer ahead safely.

If you're disassociated, you can't heal. Your body is in shut down and it's not possible to do cognitive or emotive processing. So if you continue to do trauma work, and she can't get in to help prevent the dissaosication before it takes hold, then you're not going to progress as fast as taking a step back, doing grounding work, to move forward again

It's all part of the long frustrating journey.

Also, I can get her wish to want to see you and your bodily reactions so that she can intervene earlier if she can see other signs than just hearing your voice of you disassociating.
I rarely make eye contact when I am talking about trauma. My head is down. I block her out that way. So, maybe there are ways to try? Maybe using these sessions over the holidays where you are grounding to do online sessions where she can see you might help to prepare?

 

[arfie]

i'll climb onboard @Movingforward10 's bandwagon about the sensibility of the therapist suggestions. the lion's share of my own psychotherapy was pre-internet but as i have carried the peer support end of my therapy maintenance to online groups, i. too, am continually stymied by the lack of physical cues such as body language and vocal tones, as well as the deprivation of important grounding tools when i am speaking with a peer in distress. ya can't see a simple lean forward over digital media. little things can make big diffs in grounding techniques.

recovery is not a race or even a fixed destination. easy does it, my healing warrior.

for what it's worth
i'm working my second parenting career with three orphans, currently ages 12, 9 and 6. two more weeks until the first day of the new school year. i feel like i need a new recovery program to recover from summer vacation.

 

[Roland]

I'm in the same boat and just made a post about it

 

[Friday]

This kind of feels a step backwards

NOPE! It is a GIANT leap forward.

Think of it like learning to walk. A toddler. Shaky foot, after shaky foot, wobble, fall down. So…. They can walk, now, right? NO room for improvement? Or do little kids learn 1,000 different ways of walking, teenagers learn to strut & swagger, the injured learn to limp. Marathon runners do NOT run everywhere they go, nor to gymnasts cartwheel. WALKING is not a step backwards. ANY time you’re learning/relearning new ways to walk? You’re getting better. Only one way to walk? Means you’re that weak as f*ck toddler, taking their first steps. You’re not. So now you’re learning how to do better. Unless you get stubborn about wobble, step, ass fall toddler-walk being the best/only way to walk. Shrug.

When you have to go “back” and relearn something, a different way? You’re getting sooooo much better.