General Too Tired And Overwhelmed To Care.....

[LilacFaerie]

I know I should probably read every single thread in this forum before I post this. But I won't. I'm too tired, and no one in my work or family life understands me.

How am I supposed to feel when you look at me, the caregiver (who's just bared their soul), and say "you need to stop worrying about me and the kids and everything and start taking care of yourself. If you don't, I'm going to leave." How is that supposed to make things better?

So I make you uncomfortable.......sooo you'll leave me alone just when I need you most?? Why should *I* even want to stay then and give it the ole college try?

How am I supposed to undo the wiring that makes me ME? Maybe we all would be happier if *I* was the one to leave, if I burden you so with my worrying. Can you hear the sarcasm dripping here??????

Everyone thinks I use your PTSD as a crutch for the f*ck-ups I make at work because my mind is on you instead of my desk's contents. I don't remember shit anymore. From the time I put a pencil down on my desk to the time I reach for it again, I can't remember where I put it. And you all just think it's (the trouble at home) is a lame excuse for what some perceive to be laziness. In reality, I'm so FULL in the head, I don't know which way to turn first and therefore it's easier to not do anything at all, or if I do, to not care about the consequences.

So, to most of you outside this forum, you all can kiss my ample ass. You want me to be an island?? Fine. I'll be so much of an island that you won't even feel my breeze as I pass through a room.

 

[discarded]

Well said LilacFaerie!!! I totally relate to it.

 

[Trembling]

Very good statement.
But maybe read a few, at least you could see you are not alone with what you feel.

Wished I could tell you it is getting better - it might, you have many positive stories here too!

 

[LilacFaerie]

Thank you, Trembling. I was/am just in a very bad place yesterday and today. Maybe in a day or two I will feel up to reading some of those posts.

 

[LizardViolet]

Sounds like that was a pretty bad day. I hope you have some stuff in your life that is de-stressing, because you are definitely carrying the world on your shoulders. I hope there is just an hour now and then that's just for you. There is a grain of truth there: if you don't take care of yourself, then you can't care for others. In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, put your own mask on first.

 

[LilacFaerie]

I'm trying to do this, LizardViolet.....sometimes it's like trying to pull yourself out of quicksand though. It was just a bad day, and I needed to hear some sympathy because it all piled up on me at once, and I didn't get it. Cue the pity party and all that rot.....

Next therapy appt isn't until the 12th for me.....I hope I can hold it together until then.

 

[LizardViolet]

We all have bad days. Hang in there. You can make it till the 12th. You know how in twelve step programs, you're supposed to take life one day at a time? Sometimes you just take it one hour at a time. Or in ten minute increments.

 

[Bilby]

Did you get there? It's the 12th today :)

I can relate to the 'quicksand' comment - I have felt like that myself.

 

[EmFelis]

Erm, I can totally relate to how you are feeling. No memory, inability to cope, feeling over whelmed by simple tasks, cant cope with any other feelings/people/thought except your own. I think that this is all classic PTSD. I was like that in my early months after my car accident which opened up the crack in my psyche.

All I can say is HANG IN THERE! It a tough ride. DONT make any big decisions. Just get through the day. Or the next hour, if that's too much. I kept trying to get myself a new job when I could barely go to the shop and buy a lof of bread - I was crazy! The best advice someone gave me was to focus on yourself. That's all you can do. It's not your fault. Its also not your family's fault - there's a great explanation of PSTD on the front page off your website which you could get your partner to read.

Try and find a therapist who is experienced in dealing with PTSD because I found that this does not get better on its own but requires therapy - at least in the early days. As for medication - that's personal choice (I have stayed away from them but I could not have done that without the support of my husband).

Just remember you are not alone!

 

[Nicolette]

Next therapy appt isn't until the 12th for me.....I hope I can hold it together until then.

I will give you access to Private Supporters so you can vent in private and have your pity party with a select few who can be trusted. It's not therapy and there are not a lot of people but we do tend to watch out for one another in the section as posting there is sacred.

 

[LilacFaerie]

Did you get there? It's the 12th today :)

I can relate to the 'quicksand' comment - I have felt like that myself.

Well, no....I didn't make it. I got fired from my job on the 7th, and so cancelled all doctor appts I had set up.

My husband posted this on a PTSD page he runs on Facebook: "I know it's been slow here for the past several days and for that I must apologize. The reason for this is because my wife lost her job last week due to my PTSD. The added stress, worrying and depression just continued to build for her.

My issues have caused her much unneeded stress and severe depression. Her boss (of 10 years) decided to repay her loyalty towards his practice by not saying "I noticed that you've not been yourself, what's wrong, is there anything I can do?" But to fire her right before handing out Christmas bonus' to everyone else but her. No severance pay and no "hard feelings", "I've enjoyed working with you and I'd be happy to write a letter of reference for you" was what she received.

I will try to get back on track with this as soon as I can."



I was told that the other staff could "no longer work with me" and that I was impossible to work with.

I have been trying to pick up the pieces since then and I've got all sorts of people telling me I should sue for wrongful termination.....being as how I am diagnosed with depression, they say that is considered a disability under the ADA. I don't know if I want to go through all that....

 

[Nicolette]

Oh shivers.... that is terrible :hug: