General Too Tired And Overwhelmed To Care.....

[LilacFaerie]

I couldn't believe it was happening, Nicolette! I just sat there with my jaw hanging open....the cougars came out and turned my own boss against me....the very same man who said he enjoyed working with me! At first I thought I was being reprimanded for a mistake, but when I realized what he was actually doing, I was stunned.

 

[Nicolette]

I can only imagine how horrible it would have been.

 

[Bilby]

I'm speechless, and so very, very, sorry. What a positively awful thing to have happen.

I wish there was something that I could do to help :(

 

[LilacFaerie]

It just goes to show you how little the general public actually knows or understands about PTSD and those that live with it.

I have never been unemployed since I started working back in the early 80's.....if I moved from one job to another, it was because I chose to in order to move up the ladder in my career. To be suddenly unemployed (especially from being FIRED) is especially hard to deal with. I feel like a total failure.

 

[Serasen]

Your original post was very touching to me. I can relate to almost every single word. I know this does not make your situation better, but I just had to comment. The frustration and anger of it all is too much to bear alone. That's why I came here and I'm guessing that's why you did too. I hope you find some solace here. And if you ever need to talk I would love to rant together. It's true, it is almost impossible for someone outside of the situation to understand it. Most people who have never been there just do not try or think we are party poopers for bringing up such a depressing subject. But this is our lives...in chaos. ((LilacFaerie))

 

[LilacFaerie]

Thank you Serasen.....this is indeed the only place I feel safe to let this all out. Y'all are great. :)

 

[LilacFaerie]

Tomorrow it will be two weeks since I lost my job.....I am beginning to come out of my funk but the anger remains from the betrayal of my coworkers. Funny how you always have room for more anger, but with every other emotion, you feel full to the brim. My husband continues to blame himself for my inability to cope.

Fortunately, my unemployment claim was approved, so I will have *some* income coming in, but it will be about 50% of what I'm used to. Thank goodness that both the house and the cars are paid off. It could be a lot worse.

Right now, hubby and I have agreed that looking for another job can wait until sometime in January. I need a break to get my head screwed on right and have a couple of appointments with my counselor.

 

[Bilby]

Anger... it sometimes just seems to keep on going doesn't it.

I'm glad to hear that you'll have some income and that you don't have to bear the weight of house/car repayments - huge relief there.

Enjoy the break - you certainly do need it and I hope that it brings you some much needed peace, and calmness.

All the best for Christmas :)

 

[SRE7267]

I read your original thread and wow, can I relate - as so many of us here can. It is amazing how we can feel so alone, but then come here and realize that there are actually so many others treading the same waters. I'm glad you are here.

I just want to tell you that it's getting better for me and it will for you too! I am currently nowhere near my worst, but it has certainly taken some time and some real dedication to myself to get there. Two things helped me begin to make this transition:

(1) I took 5 weeks away from my world, turned off my phone, went to stay with a trusted friend in an isolated area, immersed myself in some intensive therapy, and did a lot of soul searching.

(2) Finding this forum has been an absolute life saver in helping me learn and to be connected with individuals who experience the same things. We are not alone no matter how alone we may feel in this.

Not everyone is lucky enough to have an extended period of time where they don't have to work or hold up some other kind of responsibility. I share this with you because while losing your job must feel terrible, must be very scary and boy - kicks you when you are already down... I hope that you can take this opportunity to focus on your own personal healing. You now have the time to take care of YOU when for so long, you've been taking care of your husband. My hope for you is that 6 months from now, you can look back just as I am right now and say "Wow! I've come a long way." It's still not easy and I am still riding the roller coaster of the up's and down's that comes with having a loved one with PTSD. Today is a good day and I've learned to be grateful for those and cherish those moments as they help me have something to look forward to during the down days/weeks/months. If I've learned anything -- when there's a period of not-so-great, it will eventually turn a corner and will be brighter again.Easier to say on a good day than a bad day, but it remains true regardless.

I hope that when you do decide to start looking for another job, that you choose a place where you can feel comfortable enough to express yourself and what you need. Your life and your health (physical, mental, emotional) are the most important thing -- work should never get in the way of that. But for now, I just wish you peace, comfort and happy healing!

 

[LilacFaerie]

SRE,

Thank you so much for your words of experience and comfort. It's going on 5 weeks post-employment now, and though I still have fits of bitterness, I have tried my best not to think about that job. Why should I? It's not as though my fretting will get me my job back, right?

I've even enjoyed some of my freedom....and sometimes I spend the day in my pajamas. But then I feel guilty...isn't that something? I'm so used to doing for others, that I can't do something for myself without having a guilty conscience. I'm obviously not ready for additional responsibilities yet. ;)

That being said, I have a phone interview tomorrow with a staffing company for an accountant's position with the Corning Museum of Glass. I'm excited....cautiously. Not expecting anything. Part of me wants it to go horribly awry.

Good news?? I have a counseling appointment right after the interview. :cool:

 

[dms]

LilacFaerie; I understand your pain. I know I need to rest my body and take care of me emotionally right now too.

 

[LizardViolet]

LilacFaerie, I hope your job search is going well and I hope your internal process is going well, too. I've been falling apart myself for about a year, watching my boyfriend dying of alcoholism by inches, knowing that he might get some relief from his ptsd and his pain if he went to therapy but knowing that the reasons he hasn't are a huge wall in his mind and he may never decide to take that step.

I had anger and all the rest about six weeks ago, it was like my body was full of bees that would overwhelm me at the slightest stress, and even when stress was lower, the constant buzz made it hard to think. It struck me that I was experiencing ptsd symptoms myself, and I found myself a therapist on top of my regular person and went through a bit of EMDR. And that banished the bees.

I'm still under a lot of stress, but I'm trying to be gentle with myself and just do what I can. Fortunately, I'm an independent contractor at my job and even if I downshift my productivity a bit, I don't think I'll be let go.

I hope that things will get better for you and for your husband over the coming months. It's not uncommon for supporters to get ptsd, or at least some ptsd symptoms. I wonder if that's some of what's going on with you. I wish you healing.