Sufferer Total Apathy About Life, Shame And Isolation

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi Wounded soul-

I am doing ok. Thanks for asking. I didn't have anxiety yesterday or today. That is a good thing. I hope you are feeling a little better by now. This is sure not for sissies. It really knocks me down sometimes. I am having a ok day. I did some journaling on how I am a victim of my abusers and I have had a lot of them. It makes me not so hard on myself looking at it from this perspective. Take care.

 

[woundedsoul]

I journal also and when I am feeling confused by something somebody says or does that hurts me it really helps me to write it down and gain perspective from it as you did. It takes me a long time to clarify one hurtful painful issue though...can take pages until I feel satisfied and feel purged of the anxiety and sadness it made me feel. I never used to be like this. I can go through almost an entire section of the notebook on a few issue's that really, really bother me that in the past would have taken one page at most. I feel bad about myself for this, though I know I shouldn't, as it is a symptom I cannot control. The important thing I've got to realize is that it is a process of healing and hurts no one I can write as much as I like. I've lost the ability to think succinctly and clearly when someone or something hurts me. It stuns me when my husband says abusive, degrading, demeaning, vindictive things to me. Puts me in a state of feeling helpless and hopeless...it weakens me to stunned disbelief and the symptoms start flooding me out.

I am so happy that you are finding clarity and healing through journaling. I am glad it gives you the perspective not to be hard on yourself. It is so important to learn....I have the same problem. I'm so glad you brought it up...gives me something to ponder about.

Please take care.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Woundedsoul-

I can sure fill up a journal now too. I remember when 1 journal lasted for a long time. I do alot of journaling when someone does or says something to hurt me. Like you I feel really confused. It messes with my brain. Courage is being afraid and yet doing it anyway. So I figure we are pretty couragous just for trying something anything to make sense out of senseless things.

I hope you can be gentle on yourself, you have been thru enough. You deserve good things to be said and done. Not hurtful things that mess with your brain. YOu seem to be such a sweet and kind soul.

Being verbally abused twists my brain something fierce. I hate it. I hate how it makes me feel. I am so sorry that you have to deal with that.

You are feeling normal for what you have been through. Let anyone walk in your shoes for a day and they would be the same way. Being helpless and powerless with symptoms flooding through is not my idea of a good time. Here is hoping your journaling will help you sort through this stuff and give you some healing clarity. Take good and gentle care of you. YOu deserve it.

 

[woundedsoul]

Gizmo, you make my heart and mind sour with a sense of gratitude and safety. You make me smile and feel safe and happy. You are such a sweet and giving soul. Thank you for being you.