Toxic Childhood...

[Snowflake]

My therapist wants me to journal about how I have been feeling about my childhood. She said that my Family is toxic based on what she has heard from me. But she wants me to write down how the little girl is feeling about her childhood. Does this make sense? I have no words to describe my childhood. I am struggling.

 

[Snowflake]

My therapist wants me to journal about how I have been feeling about my childhood. She said that my...

I know most of us here have a toxic family- the child within me has no words though to write or talk about it-so I am afraid my therapist will get mad. (This was something she wanted me to do)

 

[Deleted member 33023]

I am doing the same thing Snowflake. It is so hard. I can think of some of the memories in my head but when I try to write it down it gets all jumbled. I am now just writing memories. Any random memory whether good or bad and then later I will try to put them in chronological order or not. Once I go back over what I wrote...I try to think of the person I wrote about is a little girl. I feel badly for the little girl and try to see how she feels. I can usually relate to the little girl in many ways and I will try to write what I think the little girl may be feeling. That seems to ease the pressure a bit.

Good luck with the journal. You will be able to do it. Give yourself time. Be kind to yourself.

Lots of hugs if you want.

 

[ladee]

I understand about not having the words. I still do that about some things.. which tells me I have been in my head too much. Two words usually sum up my childhood, lonely, and scapegoated.
You will do fine... you are thinking about it, something will come... try not to put a lot of pressure on yourself about getting it 'right'. There is no right or wrong here....
Proud of the courage it takes to start this part of your journey....sending gentle hugs if you accept them.

 

[Sideways]

An alternative way to help the communication going with your inner child is to start with drawing, rather than writing. Big scrap book and a heap of crayons or textas and approach it exactly the same way you would witha child: draw your family, then your house, maybe your bedroom, maybe your best friend, anything that comes to mind.

Don't worry about being artistic- quite the opposite. When kids draw, they use symbols to convey detail (eg. the sun is always a yellow ball with straight lines coming off it) and accentuate important info (eg if the child is sad, big water droplets fly out from their face to show how upset they are).

This is an approach that doesn't work for everyone, but particularly for people who liked drawing when they were little, it can be a good way to start the conversation and writing process. Instead of "how would I have described this as a child", you're asking yourself "how would I have drawn this as a child?" - you couldn't journal as a child, but you would have done drawings.

Use the drawings to see what kinds of details were important to include, what emotions are being communicated, and then you can start your journalling based on that.

 

[scout86]

But she wants me to write down how the little girl is feeling about her childhood.

Yes, it totally makes sense. Which is not to say it's easy.

From what I've been told, writing helps engage the cognitive centers of the brain. They are our friends in dealing with all this. Your T isn't going to get mad at you, at least a good one wouldn't. This isn't about HER, it's about you. She might be disappointed if you don't give this a try, because she thinks it will help, but there's no reason for her to get mad. It's your life and your problems. Your choice whether to deal with them or how.

There is no wrong way to do this. If you start by writing about how stupid the whole assignment is (which I've done fairly often) you might be surprised where that takes you. Write what you can write. You'll most likely find it easier as you go along.

 

[ghotiff]

You could try writing down an event, not necessarily the details but like a heading description.

Then web search "list of emotions for kids" which will give lots of great charts etc. then see if you can pick any emotions from that list to put under your heading. Pick any and all that seem to maybe be relevant. If some stand out more than others maybe draw a star against those.

Hope that helps.

 

[Seasounds]

What your therapist is asking of you makes sense to me, since being able to connect your experience to words and feelings is the path to more healing.

For me it took time, months and years to make those connections. I like the ideas given by members above, To add some ideas, you might, imagine seeing yourself in your home, and imagine what the child (that is you), was probably thinking and feeling. Take a playful perspective, and let possibilities come to mind; then speak, write, draw, or cut out magazine pictures, that seem to fit. Unfreezing-that is my word for beginning to relate to my thoughts and feelings, is a process; just keep inviting your thoughts and feelings, non-judging, placing your intention to open to them; and they will come.

You may want to 'set' the right atmosphere; do it with a friend, at a friend's, or in the library. As I would be tense or frightened to explore childhood thoughts and feelings alone, I would use those settings to help me. And, it may even feel like you are guessing or making things up; just keep the exploring going, and trust your process. There is no right or wrong, and you won't get in trouble (a child's belief) for relating to and telling your experien.

And if you aren't ready yet to do the project, let your therapist know. And you don't need to do it all at once. Even being able to approach relating to childhood issues takes a lot: feeling safe enough, is the important piece. Everyone finds it in their own time.

I really like the support the forum is giving you. This is a great topic. It is healing to read. Support your way!

 

[ghotiff]

cut out magazine pictures, that seem to fit

This reminded me of a project I did once. I cut out eyes from magazines and once I had a stack of them I pasted them on a "I like" sheet or "I don't like" sheet. Some were neutral, but I made myself decide between only two options. This was very telling for me and I wouldn't recommend eyes as a first topic choice, but maybe something more neutral like artwork, gardens, toys? Maybe this would help towards unfreezing from your emotions.