Trapped in abusive relationship... also ptsd diagnosis... please help

[Trapped17]

This is all easier said than done. Can anyone advise HOW to go through with it? How to break the news to her? What to say? What to prepare for myself in advance? How to make sure she doesn't go crazy and hurt me or herself? I can't just can't kick her out on the street.

 

[Booffull]

This is all easier said than done. Can anyone advise HOW to go through with it? How to break the news...

I'd have someone with you to make sure you are safe. What ever she decides to do with her life is her decision not yours. Be aware that abuser's often use the " I can't live without you I'll kill myself" as a form of control, usually aat the end of the relationship. Don't respond to this threat. Now is the time to think about yourself and keep safe.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Can anyone advise HOW to go through with it? How to break the news to her? What to say? What to prepare for myself in advance?

Write down the things you want her to do and when, make a bullet list and have that when you tell her. I like the idea of having some back up there with you, because she may not act out so badly if there was a witness present.

You may have to approach her and begin talking to her and give her the news bluntly. You always have the option to call on the police if things get out of hand, believe me this is so much easier to do than you think. Again there is some help for you if you should need it.

What do the laws of your area say about getting someone living with you evicted? I would find out that before saying anything. Once you have her out, change your locks if possible. I realize this is a powder keg waiting to explode with her and she is not going to like it which you already know. But make sure you are aware of the laws about evicting someone. Good luck.

 

[Trapped17]

Hi again all and thanks. I had a slightly different question, more specifically about PTSD.I feel the emotional numbness, or rather, don't feel it. Part of my problem here was that instead of understanding my PTSD and being willing to at least learn what it was and how to help me with it, even something I asked her to do, she instead doubled down on using it to take control of me. Is there guide for people with PTSD to help them not be taken advantage of and controlled? And is there a guide for people who don't have PTSD to help them understand their loved ones that do?

 

[EveHarrington]

Hi again all and thanks. I had a slightly different question, more specifically about PTSD.I feel the...

Boundaries.

Set them.

Enforce them.

My take is that you have no boundaries.

 

[Trapped17]

Thanks but I'm not sure what you mean

 

[Deleted member 541]

Boundaries are put in place to keep us safe. When you are being abused verbally you say something like, please do not speak to me in that manner. If the person continues then you remove yourself from the verbal assault. You keep doing this, until they learn that verbally attacking you won't work. It's hard, they usually will do it more in the beginning but you just have to be firm is stating what you will not tolerate and then remove yourself if they continue.

 

[Trapped17]

Boundaries are put in place to keep us safe. When you are being abused verbally you say something like,...

Well I do... I ask her not to pick fights with me, I ask her not to tell me what to do, I ask her not to smother me, I ask her to give me some space, and after twenty minutes she's back demanding attention, and when I protest she says 20 minutes should be enough and makes me explain and justify why I need a day or a weekend or even more and argues with me about it until i'm exhausted and give up. She tells me I talk too much, I complain too much, that I shouldn't lecture her. I just want her to go away plesssseeeeeeee

 

[LuckiLee]

Your first post was on August 30th. Have you done any of the things suggested to you?

 

[The Albatross]

Wow do I get that Trapped, both my 1st and 2nd husbands had a hard time with that. It can take a while for adjustments in relationships to "sink in" and when boundaries are made, people will test them. It can be kinda infuriating. Do you have your own room or an office or place in the home to make a sort of no-go zone? Mine was a devotion room and by asserting myself without snarking, bickering, yelling or anything... and reassuring my partner it's not about you, I'm not mad, I just REALLY need a time out right now... eventually it got better. He doesn't even think twice when I want or need some space and I'm in a smaller house now, but all I have to do is tell him and I get the time I need undisturbed.

Maybe take up hunting, or archery or take hikes? My partner's quiet time is in the woods during hunting season. About the time hunting season's over we miss each other. But now that it's started here, I have a built in quiet day for myself... and that keeps both of us calmer, saner and more content for the rest of the week.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@leehalf I agree....